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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

DP or I

11 replies

MomofCrazyLex · 31/03/2018 05:02

I am wondering if IABU or if DP is.

Today, DP and I bought a new (cheap) computer desk to replace one that has been falling apart. DP spent the better part of the night putting it together (right in the middle of the living room). By the time he is done it is almost midnight and we were all getting tired.

I spent the time he was putting the new desk together, trying to go thru and clean out the papers and junk in and on the old desk. While doing this I also was yelling at the DC (17/18 girl and boy) to be quiet as they were in the other room being loud playing the wii u. Trying to talk on the phone to my mother who insisted on calling more than once an hour (trying to help with wedding plans, but that is a whole other AIBU).

I should say that the new desk is in our living room for the family computer.

When all is said and done DP decides that old desk should just be put in the middle of our office/spare bedroom for the next few days. Before he could even walk into the office I tell him that with all the junk that has been shoved in there that "we will get to later" there is no room in there.

He storms to the room opens the door and then it slams shut. He stomps back to the living room and tells me that the DC need to clean up the spare room/office. He says that it is their mess because they slept in there on Thursday night (no school on Friday for them). The DC slept in that room because our daughters room is right next to our bedroom and we can hear through the walls. They stayed up watching movies on the laptop and they chose the extra room so as not to keep us awake with the noise.

The only mess the DC made was the bed unmade and a few socks on the floor from hot feet. DP got really upset at this saying how "we" (he and I) are the only ones who clean and the DC need to learn to help around the house.

Before I had said anything, DP then drug the old desk out the back door and went off to take a shower.

DP thinks that "we" clean. He doesn't realize that in the last week then only cleaning that got done was when I did the laundry, and folded it. When I washed the dishes each night, or begged one of the DC to do it.

DD cleaned the bathroom just a few days ago. DS cleaned up the kitchen last night after getting home from a movie.

DP "cleaned" the kitchen last weekend. Since then it has been cleaned at least once more, with dishes done each night. And he helped fold laundry one day.

Would I bu to tell him what I think of all the cleaning he does? Was I unreasonable when I told him that the DC weren't the ones who made the mess in the room? I know they didn't as I made it when I got the sewing machine out last week and it is still sitting on the office desk; thread, needles and fabric still all over it.

I am so sorry if this is confusing. I don't think I got my thoughts out right, but I didn't want to drip feed.

OP posts:
bizarreFoods · 31/03/2018 05:12

So, he complained the children (adults) hadn't tidied up and you're annoyed because it's your mess, not theirs?

It sounds like you're trying to create an us against him scenario. Why?

SuperBeagle · 31/03/2018 05:24

Well, where did you think the old desk should go? It had to go somewhere until you could get rid of it. Surely, you could've anticipated that the spare room needed cleaning, whether it was the children (adults) who made the mess or you.

It's entirely irrelevant to the debate about how much housework you do versus how much housework he does. You admitted to making the mess last week, so you should've cleaned it up. Who does the dishes and when is a different issue entirely and looks like your attempt at deflecting responsibility.

MomofCrazyLex · 31/03/2018 05:24

It is not a us against him.

I am upset because he complained about the DC making a mess when the mess wasn't theirs. As I said I made the mess earlier when I got out the sewing machine. As well as all of the junk that had been shoved in the room as a storage place.

I am upset because he says he helps with the cleaning and that the DC do not help at all around the house. As I explained they have done more in the last few days than he has done in about three weeks.

Let me ask a different way as I think I jumbled up my first post.

AIBU to be made at DP for blaming the DC for messes they didn't make? AIBU for telling him that the DC are not cleaning up my mess? AIBU to tell him when he wakes up that if he thinks he does all the cleaning then I would like to see him do it all?

OP posts:
Waitingonasmiley42 · 31/03/2018 06:50

Unless there's a huge backstory to this I think you are just trying to cause an argument. He possibly assumed it was the DC mess because an adult would generally clean the mess they had made up. Instead of sitting stewing about this just tidy the mess and the desk can fit!

If you have issues about how little he does in the house then tell him.

InspMorse · 31/03/2018 06:56

Have a good old 'family' clean/sort out this weekend. Everyone taking part. Sounds like your house is a bit chaotic. Do you really want a computer table in your living room?

Raines100 · 31/03/2018 07:02

Instead of sitting stewing about this just tidy the mess and the desk can fit!

^
This.

HopefullyAnonymous · 31/03/2018 07:05

Why don’t you just clean up the mess you admit is yours? Seems like that would solve it 🤷‍♀️

GinIsIn · 31/03/2018 07:19

Clearly you need a cleaning rota for all 4 of you to follow. How come 2 teenaged could fit in there the night before but the next day it’s too full for a desk?

LazyName · 31/03/2018 07:20

You are BU (really unnecessary to cause a big drama over cleaning Hmm) just tidy up your mess and move on with your day.

OrdinaryGirl · 31/03/2018 07:43

What is this really about, OP? I wonder if this situation is representative of some underlying issues that are bothering you?

AnneProtheroe · 31/03/2018 07:51

Yes, I agree with OrdinaryGirl this is not about the desk or the untidy room.

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