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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to be obsessive about kids and filth and to be generally paranoid!

20 replies

fixme85 · 30/03/2018 23:37

I am pregnant with my first child and worry about becoming a shit mother because I can't stand to watch children rubbing their hands along walls, railings and lampposts and touch grass or pick things up off the pavement as they walk along because those things could be dirty and a dog may have pissed or shit on them. I see other mums being so relaxed about letting their kids be kids and skip along touching everything and I was the same as a kid.

I am also paranoid about other things like when DH gets the train to work I worry he might die in a train crash and when I go on long road trips I half expect to die in a car crash as they say it's the least safe way to travel (I do have a lot of confidence on the road all the same).
When my mother rang to ask if I'd heard the news about my DS who was 38wks pregnant I thought she was going to say DS had died in a car crash, but she actually said that my DS who was 38wks pregnant had had the baby!

Anyone else this obsessive about their children getting filth on them? How do you cope with your child's desire to run their hand along railings? Anyone know where I could get a bit more of a laid back personality from?

OP posts:

FlibbertyGiblets · 31/03/2018 00:14

Catastrophising is a Thing. Do have a chat with your midwife about your extreme reactions. It doesn't have to be like this.

Graphista · 31/03/2018 00:17

Sounds like OCD to me - I have it. Dd as a baby/toddler was a challenge but I did manage it.

Speak to your midwife and your GP.

TrollTheRespawnJeremy · 31/03/2018 00:23

YABU- Deal with it now before you inflict it on your child.

Bambamber · 31/03/2018 00:28

I agree with PP, you need to talk to a professional about this. I think this runs a little deeper than not being laid back

YourWanMajella · 31/03/2018 00:34

You need professional help with this, its not a normal level of anxiety about germs and dirt.

OkPedro · 31/03/2018 00:36

No I've never been that worried about germs
Kids can be filthy beasts
my ds picks his nose and eats it

I want to throw up but what am I going to do chop his hands off

It does sound like you have ocd and anxiety
You say you did the same as a child and yet you've lived to tell the tell??

Puffycat · 31/03/2018 00:55

Yeah classic OCD
Get a grip now before it takes over!
Kids touch horrible things it’s part of being a kid , exploring your environment,snails, bugs, icky brown things........erm no not that.......
You also have other concerns like accidents, planes etc
I get it BUT
you’ve gotta take a deep breath, calm down and...........
Breath...........
Wwbwb my friend

Urubu · 31/03/2018 01:09

I am worried about dirt as well. I tell the DC not to touch anything all the time (literally non-stop on repeat when I have to take them in public bathrooms), I tell them dogs piss on the pavement so we don't pick up anything. I do crazy things like make them change clothes including socks as soon as we come home from certain places (softplay, playground...). You get less stressed when they grow up, mine are 4 now, partly because you get used to it and partly because you realize that you can't control it, they will come and contact with dirt - and nothing bad happens.
You will have to change your baby in a dirty public bathroom, you have no choice, you do it and... you forget about it.
Just take it one day at a time, you will find that certain things you are able to let go

OkPedro · 31/03/2018 01:23

urub
Do you suffer with anxiety or OCD?

Original poster

fixme85 · 31/03/2018 01:27

@Urubu I feel your pain re telling DC not to touch things constantly! I imagine I'll be the same!
I don't have issues with cleanliness generally; toilets and changing rooms covered in a little bit of human shite are bearable as long as I don't have to touch it! I'd lick a clean looking toilet seat for £40! Lol! Just dog shit in particular is extremely offensive to me.
If I mention this to the midwife will she not flag me up as a nut job and try to get my baby taken off me?

OP posts:

OkPedro · 31/03/2018 02:02

Your latest comment isn't comparable to what your op says fixme

If you have anxiety, now is the time to get help not after your baby is born

I've had depression and anxiety..I'm still a good parent but only after I got help

DistanceCall · 31/03/2018 02:09

Sounds like OCD, OP - it's about specific things, not EVERYTHING that might be rationally thought to be unhygienic, etc. Try to realise that it's not rational, that nothing will happen to your child for touching railings or even dogshit.

If you are unable, see a therapist. It really isn't literally about hygiene or being safe.

LagunaBubbles · 31/03/2018 02:15

You need help OP. Your levels of anxiety aren't normal. I also find your use of the words "nut job" a bit offensive although I do realise you are referring to yourself. Have you always been like this or is it just since becoming pregnant?

Greenyogagirl · 31/03/2018 02:17

Definitely speak to gp x
If it makes you feel any better, I have a special needs child who has licked and touched the most disgusting of things and he’s never really been poorly

PrizeOik · 31/03/2018 02:28

You aren't going to have your baby taken off you because you might have OCD

It sounds like you don't know anything about mental illness and as such you assume you can't suffer from mental health challenges? It's really important you educate yourself because pregnancy and post partum are two periods of your life when you're actually very likely to have something like depression, anxiety or OCD start up for the first time.

Your thoughts about cleanliness and family members dying are possible signs of antepartum anxiety or OCD. You need to tell your midwife. Because these things, while they usually work themselves out, can in rare cases suddenly spiral out of control, placing both you and baby in sometimes very real danger.

Tell your midwife. And educate yourself about mental health... It's so so important.

Original poster

fixme85 · 31/03/2018 02:39

Sorry Laguna didn't think of that. Please accept my apologies, I didn't mean to offend or use an offensive term.
No I have always been like this, not since pregnancy. Tbh my mother was quite obsessive like this so that might be why I'm like this!
Everywhere you go though, the streets and fields are covered with dog mess and I shudder when I see it!
I know it can cause blindness in children. I even ask DH and other family members not to touch railings etc. as they sometimes do!
It's not so much getting sick that I am worried about, it's just dog shit germs are not ones I'd want near my hands, so I don't want them on anyone else's hands either!
Anyone had this sort of therapy before? I feel like it takes so long to get a referral I'd be better off trying self help books or something! I asked for help re depression last year and have just been discharged in Jan. I got 6 sessions of CBT but it was quite general about managing day to day and didn't focus on fixing specific or longterm problems. I feel like they'll not be happy with me referring back within a few months.

OP posts:

Motoko · 31/03/2018 03:23

Railings don't tend to have dog shit on them though!

When DS1 was little, he fell over and put his hand in a pile of dog shit. Our upstairs neighbours had just got a dog, and it had done it along the path to our garden, so luckily I was able to wash his hands straight away. I was gagging while doing it because of the stink, but DS came to no harm, and after I'd had a rant at the neighbours, they made sure the dog didn't do it again in the communal part of the garden.

You need to speak to your midwife. You say your mum is a bit like this and that might be why you are. You don't want your child growing up with the same anxieties, so you need to get this sorted.

GinIsIn · 31/03/2018 03:26

Well there you go - you say you are like this because your mother was, so even more reason to tackle it now and not inflict it upon your child.

Urubu · 31/03/2018 08:23

OkPedro No idea, I never talked to anyone about it except DH, it doesn't affect my daily life that much

Graphista · 31/03/2018 14:29

There's mixed evidence of genetic factors and learned behaviour.

You may well find you get seen sooner than most due to the pregnancy depends how your area handles things.

Feel the fear and do it anyway is a book I've found helpful.

Cbt didn't really work for me but does for many, also mindfulness, meditation and other relaxation exercises.

You absolutely WON'T lose your child. I understand that fear I first broached the idea with my hv when dd was about 6 months old. She was lovely about it but in hindsight it wasn't dealt with properly. I had some support from hv and GP put me on my first lot of anti-depressants I SHOULD have been referred to mh services.

This can be handled by you with support from others. It's really common and I personally believe hugely under diagnosed as people don't seek help, don't want to disclose.

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