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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To feel relieved that I may get the sack?

21 replies

Stripes33 · 30/03/2018 22:48

Posting for traffic - name change

I have lived in a permanent state of anxiety about losing my good job at a good company for the past 6 years. I work hard and have had good feedback but feel like I’m winging it. I manage to get by somehow but I am not really good enough.

Unfortunately, I have just made a major error which may result in me being sacked. The extent of the problem is not clear yet.

Even though I am mortified and remorseful at the potential problems caused for my company, and worried about the future/money, part of me is almost relieved at the thought of it. I can’t continue to live with this feeling of dread.

What would you do in my position? I am alternating between total panic and resignation.

Can any mumsnetters tell me that being sacked/let go from a job they were struggling with turned out ok in the end? Of course it would be better to leave on a high but I may not have the choice....please help

OP posts:

retirednow · 30/03/2018 22:54

Is the error you made serious enough for you to get sacked. If you feel so anxious about being there can't you just resign, six years is a long time to be unhappy at work.

OwlinaTree · 30/03/2018 22:57

Have you been looking for other work?

Bufferingkisses · 30/03/2018 23:00

Look at imposter syndrome for a possible explanation of your feelings over the years. Relief at the idea of being sacked makes it sound quite relevant.

With your situation now have you held your hands up/come clean about the error? Have you been open or tried to minimise? Is it truly sackable or are you looking at worst case?

GreenSeededGrape · 30/03/2018 23:02

I had a thread recently about all the cock ups I've been making in the last 6 months at work. I have a 7 yo and 2 yo and I'm permanently knackered which has taken it's toll on my work ability.

I do understand your perm low level anxiety and was very close to resigning a couple of weeks ago myself.

When I was younger I had a very stressful job and was eventually made redundant when the company folded. The relief was immense and I've said I'll never get back to that situation.

The difference now is my manager is amazing and as long as no one has died from my mistake (I work in HR so not happening!) It's just an error and ok.

Shalva1970 · 30/03/2018 23:13

Yes I got made redundant when I was about 24, had been headhunted into a business development role I just didn’t have the maturity or experience for. I was so relieved, I’d been totally winging it and didn’t know how to leave.
Just start looking for something else and see it as a new start.

JaneEyre70 · 30/03/2018 23:16

I'd resign, so it looks better on your CV to be honest, and look for something that you won't get these stress levels with. It's not good for you to live with that level of anxiety.

Mumblebucket · 30/03/2018 23:18

To have lasted 6 years you must have been doing something right. Do you generally lack confidence in yourself op?

What makes you think this cock up is going to lose you your job?

xcxxcx · 30/03/2018 23:22

Plenty of threads on here about ppl having made huge cock ups at work and - mostly - having escaped the sack by dealing with it well...

Even if it is a huge mistake and you do get the sack if you can be professional how you'll still save face and won't feel so shit afterwards!

Meantime - can you re-train? Go part time? Reduce other pressures/stress in your life?

xcxxcx · 30/03/2018 23:23

And making mistakes is only human... hopefully no one will die and you can move on - even if it feels like the worst thing in the world right now.

RestingButchFace · 30/03/2018 23:26

There is a term for how you have been feeling, a pp mentioned it above Google imposters syndrome. You have probably been carrying out your duties as well as you could have. Please take advice before admitting culpability.

smithsinarazz · 30/03/2018 23:28

Bufferingkisses - absolutely!

Do look up impostor syndrome, OP. Basically the idea is that lots of us (predominantly women) think we're useless all the time, that anything we've achieved is just as a result of faking it, and that sooner or later we're going to be found out..

My38274thNameChange · 30/03/2018 23:30

I’m an employment lawyer. Plenty of my clients manage to get another job (quickly!) after a dismissal. With 6 years service they may even offer you a settlement agreement to go if it’s tenuous (many companies do).

Are you sure you’re facing a disciplinary/dismissal or are you just anxious about it? At my last job I could very easily have been sacked for a rookie mistake but my boss gave me another chance and I worked for him for nearly ten years after that.

Original poster

Stripes33 · 31/03/2018 00:51

Thank you for your replies and advice

Owlinatree, Mumble - I don’t feel confident generally or in getting another job so haven’t looked elsewhere. I also don’t know what to look for. I feel that any change has to be perfect for a resignation to look credible and for people not to think badly of me.

Bufferingkisses - I have been trying to fix the problem - I’ll have to discuss with my manager after the BH. The issue is something that will happen in the future but I need to raise it now. I won’t shy away from being honest

Shalva/Greenseeded - thanks for sharing your experience. Green I hope it gets better and you are less tired soon.

Everyone - I read about imposter syndrome and recognise it in me but also know I could or should be a lot better to justify my salary.

It might not end up in dismissal but my credibility will be destroyed and the impact would affect clients.

My38274 - what would happen in a settlement agreement? Does this mean they wouldn’t say I was disciplined in a reference?

Thanks everyone

OP posts:

Original poster

Stripes33 · 31/03/2018 01:00

Also, is it bad to resign when the problem is raised? Does it look like you are running away and leaving a mess?

OP posts:

madein1995 · 31/03/2018 01:11

I think it is always better to resign. As you've been a good employee for 6 years, it's unlikely they would give you a bad reference. More than likely it'd be a standard 'she worked here for X years in Y role' - which is what most companies do nowadays. Agree with waiting and seeing how it's recieved though. Unless you really think you're guaranteed to lose your job, I would stay.

I know it's horrible being miserable in work. My first and second jobs were like that. 1st was a nursery, I had a lot of stuff going on at the time and was too immature, and was sacked. Was hard being on JSA but looking back was a good thing - I hated it.

2nd was a kids home. I was more mature this time round, but the job was much worse than I'd been told. I was terrified of going to work and would properly panic if my colleague left me alone with the kids to go to the loo, I was terrified that they would start on me (they often did). Stuck it for 6 weeks, got assaulted and refused to get back. We agreed mutually that it wasn't the job for me.

3rd job (Tesco) I've enjoyed to an extent, and been there for a year. I've done a lot of growing up and learnt new skills. But I want more from life - fixed hours, better working hours, opportunities to progress. So I've accepted a new job and am leaving in a fortnight. This is the first job I've had where I've been sad to leave!

Monsterpage · 31/03/2018 03:37

Do your work know you suffer from anxiety? If not, it might be worth mentioning to them and they can refer you to the occupational health doctor who will assess to see if there are any reasonable adjustments that could be made for you to support you in your job.

Original poster

Stripes33 · 31/03/2018 07:32

My manager knows I worry

If I went to occ health would she think I was trying to deflect the blame, the same as if I went sick?

xcxxcx - Is this what you mean about handling it professionally?

OP posts:

Original poster

Stripes33 · 31/03/2018 07:34

Madein1995 - congratulations on the new job, hope you like it

OP posts:

CertainlyChoco · 31/03/2018 08:38

The best course of action is to admit your mistake and try to help the whole team to resolve it. If it is as major as you said, the company should have had a check and balance procedure around it anyway.

flumpybear · 31/03/2018 09:13

Can you offer a solution to the mistake? Was it the type of mistake that can happen and it's just life or was it you being completely wrong and making a massive error that should never have happened? Loads of people make mistakes at work - if you've got a manager perhaps they should have been supporting you more?

Re your anxiety - as I've
Got older ive realised most people are winging it most of the time unless you have a really simple job or very process led - what people pay for is someone who can make their way through their job making good decisions most of the time, being proactive and working together as a team

Original poster

Stripes33 · 31/03/2018 12:48

The mistake is me being completely wrong. It is the main element of my job so not expecting sympathy but not how I usually work. There are circumstances but nothing that absolves me from culpability

I am working on solutions and things may change. Fixing it will make clients question what has happened, so can’t be brushed under the rug.

Thank you for your time and advice

OP posts:

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