Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not let my sister hold my newborn when she has a bad cough?

25 replies

Mummblebee · 30/03/2018 20:31

My sister has a terrible cough. She has been coughing every few minutes all day! So disappointing as I am in early stages of labour, baby is on the horizon and she is supposed to be my main support/ help with the baby. Aibu to say she can't hold her neice?

OP posts:
Bobbiepin · 30/03/2018 20:34

Depends how long she's had it. I would say if its 5-7 days after first symptoms appear she is likely to not be contagious. YANBU but prepare for a sulky sister. You will get people who say babies will catch things, but a very new newborn really doesn't need a cough.

NerNerNerNerBATMAN · 30/03/2018 20:34

Nope, very sensible! Your baby won't have the antibodies to fight whatever your sister has. Tbh I wouldn't even let her be in the same house until she was over the cough

Fruitcorner123 · 30/03/2018 20:34

Not unreasonable but I would compromise and ask her to wash her hands (which she should be doing anyway) and have a very quick hold as I imagine it would mean a lot to her.that's assuming baby healthy and everything else fine. It's up to you though of course and understandable that you worry.

NotAnotherUserName5 · 30/03/2018 20:35

Yanbu. Anyone with an ounce of sense wouldn't want to hold someone's baby with a cold anyway.

ScattyCharly · 30/03/2018 20:36

Does she want to? I wouldn’t have picked up my newborn niece with a heavy cough.

LeeroyJenkins · 30/03/2018 21:05

Yanbu.

unintentionalthreadkiller · 30/03/2018 21:09

Entirely sensible.

Aquamarine1029 · 30/03/2018 21:13

I wouldn't allow her to be in the same ROOM with my newborn, nor any of her family if she has one (partner, children, etc). Your job is to protect your baby. She can visit when she's well.

MrsZippyLake · 30/03/2018 21:14

My DD was five weeks old when she caught a virus that ended up landing her in intensive care for a week. Because of this, I am always very cautious about newborns and would not visit, never mind hold one, if I had any kind of virus or cough.

DarkRoomDarren · 30/03/2018 21:19

I think it’s a sensible precaution to take. Is she still going to be staying with you, or have you got other support as a backup?

Fwiw, I had a horrible cold when I gave birth to one of my dcs. I worried about it, but obviously I couldn’t do much about it! The baby didn’t actually catch it in the end.

blinkineckmum · 30/03/2018 21:32

Don't let her. My daughter went to hospital at 11 days old with bronchiolitis she caught off someone with a cold. She had to be resuscitated and spend time in the high dependency unit unable to feed. Not worth it.

WeShouldBeFriends · 30/03/2018 21:41

I've rejoined Mumsnet to post this, a friend of mine-
m.facebook.com/story.php?story_fbid=10155366547992781&id=625712780&ref=bookmarks
YADNBU OP
(And good luck!)

Original poster
Mummblebee · 30/03/2018 22:46

Thank you everyone.

I hope I am not going to get ill myself from having been around her all day.

WeShouldBeFriends - thank you for sharing this. What a devestation thing to happen to your friend :( definately made up my mind. I'll have to disappoint my sister as it's just not worth the risk :(

OP posts:
Ariela · 30/03/2018 23:00

Hopefully your antibodies to sister's cough will kick in and help baby anyway, personally I'd say along the lines of 'I wouldn't want you to feel responsible if caught your cough and she got really ill'

moita · 30/03/2018 23:00

Your sister should understand! We ended up meeting out DN later than planned as both DS and I came down with colds. I didn't want a newborn catching it.

Tallia · 31/03/2018 06:58

Yabu to say it’s because she has a cough - cough’s can be due to infection or other, non-infectious irritation, e.g. asthma
Yanbu if your sister has a virus to make her wait until she’s recovered to hold your newborn, entirely sensible imo (you should also steer clear of her, you’ll be exhausted enough looking after a newborn without adding a virus to the mix)

awifeyforlifey · 31/03/2018 08:33

Not unreasonable at all, very sensible. We stopped one full side of our family seeing our baby for the first six months because they were missing the whopping cough vaccine and traveled extensively to areas with outbreaks. They were anti-vaccers and while we fully supported their decisions for their own family, we had to make what we felt was the right choice for ours.

Your responsibility is to your helpless newborn baby, not to your adult sister (who's there to support you in becoming a parent, by the way, so she should understand). If you've ever seen or cared for a sick newborn, you wouldn't hesitate to tell her no.

Roomba · 31/03/2018 09:10

YANBU, OP. It's very unfortunate, but just how it is - if she had measles or something she'd understand why she couldn't hold the baby until she was non contagious, same with a hacking cold/cough.

My ex FIL turned up at NICU to see premature DS1 the day after he was born - he was absolutely FULL of a streaming cold, sneezing constantly and coughing his guts up Shock He was then really offended that a neonatal nurse took one look at him and refused to let him in the door. Once my ex sat him down outside and explained that DS was poorly and in with babies the size of his hand who were literally on the verge of death, he could see why he couldn't go in. He felt very stupid and apologised saying he just got so excited to see his first grandchild he didn't even think, as it was 'just a cold'.

I do feel for your sister, but if she's not recovered there's not much that can be done. he can have extra snuggles when she's better, knowing she won't risk making the baby very ill will make them much sweeter, I'm sure.

Original poster
Mummblebee · 31/03/2018 12:09

Thanks for the responses everyone. It is really helpful to know I'm not being a neurotic first time mum!

I'm going to try and get hold of those surgical face masks for guests at the hospital who suspect they have any kind of flu symptoms. Would this be ok, does anyone know?

OP posts:
Wildlady · 31/03/2018 12:10

Yanbu

ThanksForAllTheFish · 31/03/2018 12:16

YANBU. I avoided visiting my nephew when he was first born because I had a nasty cold. I was disappointed I didn’t get to see him for a week but no way would I risk passing a cold into a tiny newborn if I could avoid it. Your sister should hopefully understand why you don’t want her holding the baby with a cold / bad cough.

elliejjtiny · 31/03/2018 12:16

Yanbu. I had an awful cold when my niece was born and I avoided her and her parents until it had gone, despite my sil saying it was fine to visit and cuddle the baby. Pretty sure I got the cold from the baby's older sister who I was minding when sil was in labour but still not worth the risk.

Weezol · 31/03/2018 12:20

If people have flu type symptoms they need to stay away from all hospitals, not just maternity units.

Neverender · 31/03/2018 12:51

I probably wouldn't but I also had a horrible cold when I had DD and she didn't get it.

Curious2468 · 31/03/2018 13:06

There are some awful bugs around this year so yanbu. We had flu when our niece was born and we avoided for 10 days just to be certain we wouldn't pass anything on.

New posts on this thread. Refresh page