Relationship with sister AIBU

[WellAlwaysHaveParis]

Any tips on how to deal with this please?

I’m finding my relationship with my sister a bit difficult at the moment.

She's ALWAYS late for everything we have planned to do together (the latest thing was something we planned to do today at 4). She suggested meeting up today for a drink at 4, but she’s not here and I can’t get hold of her by text or phone call. I’ve just found out now that she hasn’t been answering her phone because she fell asleep.

She also always asks me to talk about things such as if I’m seeing anyone, for example. I don’t feel comfortable talking about this normally, so have told her that I would prefer not to talk about it. But she then presses me and pushes me to talk about it.

These are really tiny things, but I’m finding it really frustrating. Any tips please?

Thanks!

Go home or go to the cinema. Switch off your phone and avoid plans with her again.
As for not wanting to talk. Tell her there's nothing to say. Keep saying it

You feel uncomfortable talking about dating with your sister? If so, why bother with her? Doesn't sound like a close relationship at all. I'd be insulted if my sister had an attitude like yours.
Your sister's lateness is rude but I suspect she doesnt really enjoy meeting up with you.

The late thing is unacceptable, and you should just be straight. "It's not on to leave me waiting in a bar for you for a whole hour."
The other thing- Well, you must only talk about what you're comfortable with, of course, but I would be a bit upset if my sister didn't want to share personal stuff with me. But maybe you both want different kinds of relationships...

You've had a life time of dealing with or sisters poor timekeeping, so making and issue of it now could be construed as provocative. So you are due to meet eher at 3? if shes not there by, say 3.15 and hasn't contacted you, just send one text 'as you're not here I've gone out/moved on/done something else, see you another time' and do this repeatedly until she gets the message.

Asking if you are seeing someone is a conversation starter so I suppose it depends on whether it goes like 'seeing anyone lately sis?' or enquiring directly about your bedroom habits. The former is conversation, the latter is intrusive. Either way it is dealt with by diverting the topic thus:
"seeing anyone sis?"
you "That reminds me I saw that bloke you used to go out with/fancied, what was his name, the one who was builder?"

Simple switch of focus without being rude. She wont even notice.

So unless there is a massive back story, she's not doing or saying anything that isn't a normal pattern of behaviour between sisters.

Next time tell her to meet you at yours so you can do ither things if she is a no show or late.

We're close but not very close.

The only reason why I don’t want to talk to her about who I’ve been seeing is because she’s used it against me in the past.

For example, she’s asked me in the past who I’ve been seeing and I’ve then told her that I’ve been on a couple of dates with someone. Then it’ll have fizzled out and she’ll ask again how it’s going. I’ll tell her it’s ended and she’ll tell me something like, ‘you’ll never find anyone, you’re socially awkward, you’re immature, childish etc.’

I think, in these sorts of situations, she tries to project her insecurities onto me. I feel a lot more in control now I think I know why she’s doing this, but I just can’t be arsed to put up with it anymore!!

I had a similar situation for quite a while recently when I was job-hunting. I’ve now found a job (thank god) but the whole time when I was looking for a job, she was telling me that I’d never held down a proper job in my life even though she knows that’s not true.

And then she always tells me I’m jealous of her. I have no idea how to respond to this. (I’m not jealous of her).

She's unkind then isn't she. If you want a relationship with her, call her out on these things. Look her straight in the eye and say, "That's a very unkind and hurtful thing to say."

She doesn't sound very nice. I know it can be bamboozling when someone says crazy rude things right to your face, but do you think you could confront those comments in the moment? Say - that's a mean thing to say, are you trying to upset me?

And as someone else said - arrange to meet at your house so you aren't going out of your way.

Also...see her less? I mean, it doesn't really sound as if you guys get on. She's horrible to you, jealous of you...what's in it for you both?

I think we should only have cheerleaders in our lives. Your sis sounds a pain. I'd cut down on the meet ups if I were you.

While i'd love to only have cheerleaders in my life, I love my family and have one relative who sounds a bit like your sister op. She was jealous I think and when her personal life improved, she became happier and was more able to be happy for me.

Thanks everyone.

I don’t think she’s jealous, really. I think she’s quite insecure. I’m sure she’s not jealous of me, as there’s literally no reason why she should be. She has everything I have and more. I’m not sure why she might feel insecure though. Maybe she’s comparing herself to other people (not to me) and that’s maybe what’s making her feel insecure.