To really wonder if it is all worth it?! Feel my PhD was a waste of time?

[Loic]

I did a PhD some years ago and really, really pushed myself to complete it ontime whilst having a baby and toddler, to access a career I really wanted as a researcher/lecturer - I secured a great job and I really love it - but academia and university life is changing rapidly. I absolutely love my work, but the volume of the work is untenable - government demands on teaching and research, mixed with students who often think they can buy a degree, plus a super competitive landscape now means it isn't even close to what it was when I started. I've had to push myself so much this last term, (and terms before that - but this one just seems worse!) I've regularly worked through the night, weekends, etc just to stay on top of teaching demands, student support, research demands and admin demands. The strike action has been hell. My institution is facing a crisis situation and the work is just mounting and mounting. The last few weeks alone I've worked completely through the night three times and worked till 2/3am at least 5/6 times. Management support is 0, and the attitude seems to be put up or get out - all so I could actually take a few days off. Permanent academic contracts are incredibly difficult to come by at the moment, you're threatened with disciplinary action if you don't miss deadlines. I love my students and I give them all the support I can, I love my research topics and feel the work is of such fundamental importance at the moment, but meeting all the demands is impossible. What I can't work out is, is this just HE overall or just my institution? I am supposed to be taking a bit of time off but today I actually feel like I'm recovering from some sort of significant trauma - I just want to sleep, curl up in a corner and hide away - every cell in my body is exhausted. I worked so hard to get here, to throw is all away feels like a huge waste and a massive guilt after DH and DC's supported me so much, but this isn't sustainable and I've no idea what to do instead.

Agree with you students dont realise the hours lecturers put in at home, my OH has just spent the whole weekend marking mid term test papers, often in his office till 1am writing lectures and uploading them to blackboard (he teaches engineering subjects so maths based) he has to write exam questions and co ordinate with the other lecturers as exams are co written, has to be in his office at uni available for student face to face support, answering emails, deliver lectures and timetabling for this last term has put him lecturing non stop without a break from 9am till 5pm two days a week, and then after all that half the students dont turn up for lectures because they can read it online, and wonder why their exam results are down,

I’ve spoken with some academic friends recently who have similar stories.

Loic - are you an associate lecturer or do you have a permanent post?

If you're in a permanent post - you're in a stronger position as all union members are currently taking Action Short of A Strike - which means no all nighters, no additional or voluntary work. It will mean that some of your tasks won't get done, but as it is industrial action you can't be disciplined for that. Get your local union reps involved if your HoD is bullying you over your workload.

I know it is terrible. And I know if you are a post-doc or an associate lecturer, you might feel too precarious to take ASOS. And I know that ASOS is temporary and won't solve the sector wide problems we're all having. But you sound like you're on the edge of a breakdown and if you can use the action to get yourself some desperately needed rest, perhaps your next steps will look clearer?

I actually moved from being a junior lecturer /senior post doc to management. It's still very busy but it facilitates my home-work life challenges far more - and I made the move 10 years ago, I've never looked back

I couldn't do that role these days it's too much and too stressful to get excellence from every angle

Thanks for the responses. fixtheir I am on a permanent contract. I have contacted the union a few times about the HoD. Their advice then was really to not rock the boat as I was under 2 years on contract. I'm just coming up to being over the 2 year mark, so maybe the advice now will change? I'm definitely at breaking point, I had another career before this, I know I am very hard working and can cope with highly stressful situations and large workloads, but this is now going beyond the ridiculous. I've honestly not come across ASOS? I'll look into this.

I walked out last week, after 9 years. I decided I was engaging in a sunk costs fallacy by staying. I have no savings, no assets, and no idea what comes next. On the other hand, I also have no children and no partner (partly because of academia) so at least I am the only one who will have to face the consequences

Short term probably has some bar work (though I do have disabilities, so might take time to find an employer able to look past this) - long term, who knows? Original plan was re-training, which I was in the process of starting - but following three serious suicide attempts, all of which were attributable to my institution, in the last six months, I feel life outside the ivory tower can hardly be worse.

Academia definitely isn't what it was when our senior colleagues started. It's not even what it was when I started. I don't blame you for wanting to leave - in fact, I blame myself for sticking around so long. Though I will miss the game of "jobs with higher salaries than senior academic posts"

Well it doesn’t sound like my institution at all.

I don’t do any research so can’t comment on that. Our dept didn’t/couldn’t partake in any strike action as we’re in a different pension scheme so no backlog of work. I have a supportive manager as well which I think makes a difference. How are your colleagues finding it?

Are you a union member? Action Short of A Strike is formally called industrial action that all UCU members have been asked to participate in. I'm not judging you at all if you're not - or if you're not a member - but if you are, then it could help you. You can find out more on the UCU website.

If your local union rep is not helpful, go to someone else. Your workload sounds untenable. It might be that you need mentoring or support to manage it all better (unlikely, you sound like you know what you are doing!) or it might be that you need to go to HR (never see them without a union rep with you) and ask for your workload to be formally looked at.

You sound like you're in a terrible state. Something else you might consider is getting signed off sick for a while with stress. Then your university would be forced to take your workload concerns seriously.

If none of that works for you, are there corners you can cut? I am a perfectionist about my student contact and teaching, but I don't update my lectures or refresh the reading on my courses every single year. I don't spend too much time at all over second marking - because I trust my colleagues - and I've recently resigned from external examining posts (as per our union action) and don't plan to take them up again. I only bother attending every other department meeting and just read the minutes (when I have time). I am very strict with my PhD students - they get the contact they are entitled to, but not more, and I don't read and comment on endless endless drafts - but I direct them to rely on each other too. I never, ever, ever answer emails over the weekend, before nine or after six. And I take a proper lunch break every day and make sure junior colleagues see me do it.

I'm also sinking below below piles of marking, regular late nights/all nighters. :( it's tough tough tough. I also have another pt job, DCs, a lovely husband, Ill parent, Ill sibling, I just feel I can't give anymore anymore. I'm torn, exhausted, have reached the max of my stress levels. But what's the alternative? Can't get off the treadmill. Life would b so much easier if the work could be completed in the working day.

In my job working 60hrs+ on a full time 37.5hr contract is deemed the norm - but if basically refused, as cant be disciplined for working my hours only. I have a life outside of work. I'm on a fixed term contract, i realised early on id not be looking to stay long, so if i was permanent i might have a different mindset and working extra to impress. But as iv aged iv decided to stand by my personal ethics and im fed up of careers and professions only surviving from ppl working free overtime!! Makes me angry internally

OP, it's a difficult situation. After my PhD I did work in academia for a few years; there are pros/cons and a huge variety depending on where you work. I know people that work really hard there still, and are unpaid, ...etc... On the other hand I know people there that are very well paid and really do the minimum. I'm sure you know people in both those camps too!

I moved to industry after a few years, and never looked back. There are huge challenges here too though, companies are often in turmoil as a result of market forces, growth opportunities for sure, but everyone will lose their job several times in a career and need to move on to something else. That's life (except in a subset of academics who have well paying jobs for life).

Apologies if I don't seem sympathetic, but it's something many people have to deal with.