Help needed please

[NameChangeTimeNow]

I find this a bit embarrassing to admit, as I feel quite ashamed about it

I’ve found the last couple of years quite difficult.

I graduated from university around three years ago, and spent time applying for jobs and working out what I wanted to do as a job. I did freelance work for a while, before applying for a teaching job two years ago.

After a few months, I then resigned from the teaching job, as I found it really, really stressful (to the point that it made me extremely depressed and, eventually, suicidal).

With the help of talking therapies and a careers coach, I started applying for jobs that interested me. I’m now starting a new job that I’m really excited about. I know it’ll be challenging, but I’m really looking forward to it.

The problem is that I’m still in my old frame of mind. If I have nothing to do or am feeling very down or demotivated, I just stay in bed for ages

I’d love some tips on how to make the most out of my free time please. I have lots of things that I enjoy doing (my talking therapies sessions really helped me in particular to work out what these were), but sometimes I just really don’t feel like doing them even though I was told that sometimes it’s best just to push yourself and to start doing something for a couple of minutes even if you don’t feel totally motivated or if you don’t want to do it.

Basically, I feel a lot more satisfied with the direction that my life is going in now, but I still feel quite down. If I don’t make plans or have plans, I just waste my life by sleeping I think I’m probably quite lonely. I do have friends and family who I’m close to, but I would love to reconnect with some of my friends. And maybe find a partner, but only when I feel ready - ie. less lonely and a bit more secure within myself. I’m not sure what’s brought this on, as I do really like my own company, but I just feel a bit lonely and can’t shake it off.

AIBU to ask you for tips on how I can feel better and not just sleep everything away and waste my life?

Bumping.

There are no tips or magical fixes. This is all on you. Staying in bed when you're anxious or depressed is the WORST thing you can do, but you already know this. The reality is this is totally in your hands - you either get up, get moving, and find something to do. It can be anything. Cleaning out a closet, go for a walk, cook a new recipe, whatever, just DO something. I wish there was a magical fix that will get you motivated into wanting to expand your world, but there isn't. You alone have to decide to make it happen. I think you can!

Aquamarine thanks so much. You’re so right.

Are there any groups, classes or clubs you can join related to things you like. Would having a commitment in the diary each week motivate you to get out and do things?
I have you ruled out any physical cause for your tiredness like anaemia or thyroid problems.

That's a really good idea, Chaz :) thanks :) I haven’t ruled out physical causes for the tiredness, but I’m pretty sure it’s a mental thing, rather than a physical thing, as I don’t really feel physically tired but am just happy to stay in bed all day. I know that sounds awful

If anyone has any more support or advice, please do post on here :)

Out and about now, and trying to keep myself busy :

You need to plan specific activities in your diary, either tasks or experiences for yourself or meeting other people, preferably on a weekly basis, and factor in down time. Go to bed at the same time and get up at the same time every day.
Be proactive, plan and do it. As someone up thread said- there isn't a magic fix and only you can do it.

I'm sorry to hear you've been feeling like this. But I'm glad you sought help and the talking therapies and career coach are helping.

My advice is to set yourself some mini goals. Just to get you out and doing stuff. Clubs are a great idea to meet like minded people plus doing something. Experiment. Try different stuff. For me - swimming is a brilliant relaxer and helps me clear my mind. Maybe you'll love it but maybe you'd prefer to go for a walk

I have to say someone once said make sure you go out every day. Something about the fresh air really helping. Even if it's just a walk round the block or to the local shop.

Small steps. And as you feel more confident you can take bigger leaps. Take care of yourself

I think that learning to enjoy your downtime is a good skill. If you're fairly busy and will have this challenging job then being able to veg a bit at home is fine but I don't mean lying in bed. You could watch a film, read, cook, get some magazines based on an interest, invite friends and family round. As well as the advice up thread. Good luck

Sometimes I have to stay in bed because the depression and the anxiety exhausts me. But I know I have to seize the moment when I can and get up and do anything I can. If that is tackle the housework then I do it. Or I go walking to school pick up, yoga, read, go to the cinema, download a film, swim. I am pretty introverted, so anything I do is often by myself.

@Ilovesooty - advice about routine with regards to sleep and rest is great too.

Would you be able to try some daily exercise. A brisk walk in the park, go jogging (however slowly), cycling, a Zumba class, park run, or whatever is available nearby. Hopefully would release endorphins making you feel better, give you a bit more energy and a sense of achievement, and tire you out, helping you sleep better (as opposed to longer). Good luck.

I’ve just moved to a new city for uni so I normally spend my down time- when I’m not waist deep in uni work- exploring the local area or swimming because I find it so relaxing. Another one I used to do- and this is going to sound so sad- my old city used to have really good bus connections and I had a free bus pass. Some days I used to get on a bus and just see where I ended up or see how far up/down the country I could get solely on local buses. Answer? Surprisingly far

Have you looked on meetup?

I was ill for a long time and pretty restricted in getting out (cancer), I started doing night classes in sewing, photography and baking. It was pretty inexpensive and Although I didn’t make loads of friends, I’d paod up front so it encouraged me to get out and go to the classes and be more social.

But don’t be too hard on yourself, take it slowly.

Set yourself three things that you would like to do tomorrow. One being exercise would be good as that can lift your mood and release feel good endorphins. They don’t have to be major things. Read a chapter on a book or listen to a certain song or cook a new recipe. If three is too many, reduce the number. Increase if you feel ready to do more.

Join an evening class and pay in advance. Pick something that interests you and is new to you. Try to recreate the challenge you feel in your new job to the one you feel for your new hobby.

Make plans with friends or use one of the meet up for social time apps. Making plans in advance will help you stay in track as you won’t want to let people down.

Set boundaries for your extra sleep time. There is nothing wrong with enjoying a nap or a lie in. The boundaries will stop it taking over all your free time.

I find boundaries for activities can be helpful - there's something to be said for getting into Nike mode ("Just Do It") and giving yourself a short period time when you have to do sketching, whether you like it or not. That's how I got back into an old hobby when I didn't necessarily feel like doing anything - I told myself I had to do it for ten minutes, whether or not I enjoyed it. Funnily enough, I got into it and carried on!

You can use this for all kinds of things you either want or need to do - doesn't matter whether you want to at this particular point in time, you have to just do it for a short, specified period and then reassess. Normally you've got enough momentum going by then that you may well feel like carrying on.