Family strains

[Womaninwonderland]

So I was raised by my stepdad from being a toddler. My stepdad and mum divorced 11 year ago. It was a messy divorce but I still went to stay with my stepdad regularly when I visited home and supported him him through the upset etc. My stepdad then went on to meet someone else who was seemed nice enough. A few months after they got together this woman started to mention moving in with my stepdad who had his own house, my stepdad was unsure but after lots of pressure he caved in. Then things started to change her family had to come first at all times! I do understand that but she entered a blended family my niece was The only grandchild at the time until her daughter gave birth to a little boy he was then the most important grandchild he had to come first he had to have the best of everything and my niece started to feel pushed out. I then gave birth to a little girl who at first they would visit etc, until her daughter moved in to my stepdads house with her son leaving him with them most weekends, she then moved away to start uni leaving her son with my stepdad and partner for 4 months. The last year has been difficult and my stepdad has had less and less to do with my niece and daughter which they have found hard. My stepdad does not see the problem. I have spoke to him before about the changes to our family dynamic but he does not really deal with it. He recently sent me a message asking if he could send my daughter money for Easter, I don’t want to just except it as I feel like it’s a case of feeling guilty for not seeing his grandchildren. What do I say to that? Ps I have said we need to sit down and talk face to face about a few things which is hard as we live 200 miles away. Some advice would be great. Sorry it’s long winded x

What a sad situation love. I wish I had advice but you can’t make someone act better or care more.

Could you perhaps write him a letter? Put it down on paper and see what happens?

Given that the DS has been left behind by his mother for four months it does sound as though at the moment that little chap needs to be your stepfather and his wife’s priority.

It sounds like a difficult situation but I would say enjoy seeing them when you do, but perhaps accept that at the moment this little boy does need a bit more attention than DD and niece at the moment because they are both lucky enough to have their Mum’s with them.

Sorry it’s tough for you, but please do try and think of this little boy too. Incidentally, this isn’t just something which happens in blended family’s if you look on here lots of full siblings have tension in their families when DGC seem to be getting more or less attention.

I understand that her grandson needed them at that time but that was nearly two years ago! And his mum spent most of her time out drinking with friends as she had “free childcare”. We lost my mum last year and my stepdad was no support to the GC at this time. I feel as though he has a new family and has just left his other one behind!