how to deal with financial issues

[rupaulsdragrace12]

hi all

some back story, my partner is a gambling addict. when we moved in together he relapsed and came clean. i took control of the finances, had his wages paid into my account every month and paid everything out of my account. if he needed something, i would either pay for it myself or give him the money and he would provide a receipt to me as proof he hadnt gambled it.

just to say, he has been 'clean' for a very long time now and i am incredibly proud of him. he attends his local gamblers anonymous meeting and really has turned his life around. i dont want to say how long he has been clean from gambling for as i dont want any identifying information, but it is years. his addiction is not the issue here, nor am i worried about it.

over time, i have slowly loosened my control on his money and he has not let me down. i still do random checks on his online banking (which he knows about) and he keeps receipts for everything still.

we are now in a place where his wages are being paid back into his account and he pays his half of everything to me, and keeps the rest as spending money.

however the past couple of months he has run out of money a week before payday and expects me to subsidise him.

for example this month he ran out of money because he had spent his wages on non-necessary items and didnt have any petrol to get to work for the past week. i had to lend him £50 and when we went food shopping, i had to pay for it.

today (pay day) he has paid me back what he owed me last month but im a little frustrated that he cant be sensible with money. he isn't gambling it, he's just spending it on stupid shit and not budgeting what he needs for the month, if he sees something he wants he will just buy it instead of thinking about whether he can afford it.

we have joint savings that neither of us touches and in order to withdraw from the account we need to request in writing a period of time beforehand, so its not like he can borrow from thar account.

i am really proud of him for taking his addiction seriously, getting help from GA and doctors / counselling, am i expecting too much from him? i said to him he needs to show more respect for money and not expect me to bail him out but it happens again and again.

i suggested to him his wages get paid into my account again and i dish out as needed but he wasnt really happy with this as he felt it was a step backwards in his recovery.

AIBU?

Stop bailing him out. He has absolutely no incentive to be more careful when he knows he won't have to face the consequences

I think this might be a phase he is going through now that he is back in control of his money. It reminds me of when I first started earning and could buy "stuff".

I agree with the PP that he needs to suffer consequences. No money for petrol - can he walk or get up early and get the bus. If he has bought something frivolous and not yet used it then he has to take it back if he wants to free up cash.
You have to resist the urge to rescue him too much.

How about his wage getting paid to your account and you then do a weekly transfer of a set amount. That way he only has to worry about his budget for the week, once he’s used to that maybe go to a 2 weekly transfer then back to it being paid into his account.

Don't loan him money then, if you keep making it easy for him he has no need to be responsible. Does he understand budgets? Is it worth helping him with a spreadsheet?