Have i been?

[Namechangemum100]

I can't shake this feeling that I have not been fair, but I'm not sure what other options there were. Would really appreciate some gentle opinions.

14 month old DD, 39+4, absolutely horrendous cold to the point that i could barely function, husband runs his own business, no family help what so ever.

Dh has a very busy schedule at work and is under a lot of pressure, however as of Tuesday this week I just could not cope with being so pregnant, and feeling so ill, so he has been off work since Tuesday looking after DD whilst I rest.

I feel awful, like I have let me whole family down. I really want to concentrate on just feeling well so that I can begin to think about impending labour, but I feel riddled with guilt.

In my situation would you have asked the same? He isn't making me feel bad about it, but also didn't do it of his own accord, so I feel incredibly guilty.

These things always depend on larger circumstances than those given.

hes not going to be disciplined or sacked as its his own business, but has he let down clients? is it 'shelveable work'? does it have a financial implication? Is he expecting to take any paternity leave?

If the answer to any of that is yes, there is an impact, I think I may very well have just gone duvet days and left instructions for takeaway. Is he able to keep up with any of the work from home?

Stop thinking, start resting

No, that sounds fine to me. Presumably this can’t have been a massive surprise given the dates so he would have had everything at work ready to left at short notice without massive problems.

Your child's carer (you) was ill so his dad had to take time off. Only the same as if childminder had been poorly. It's his duty. Stop beating yourself up. You will no doubt be better soon and then have 2 to look after soon after that so the rest will have done you the world of good.

Last thing you want is to overdo it and end up with something more serious. I developed pneumonia from exactly that and that would be very serious in oregnancy. When you are ill you are ill.

Looking after a 14 month old when you’re ill is hard enough as it is, let alone when you’re heavily pregnant! Don’t stress about it - it sounds like the best decision for you and your DD, and its wonderful that your DH is able to support you like that. Hope you feel loads better soon. x

@hollybaytree

Yes as we have a 14 month old a certain amount of paternity leave will be needed as we have no family help.

Taking time away won't have had too big an impact on clients as he has employees who can pick up the work, but is still not ideal.

Unfortunately a duvet day and instructions for a takeaway isn't really possible with a mobile 14 month old to look after.

Don't feel guilty. You don't sound like someone who would ask for help unless you needed it. Rest up and stop overthinking!

I think I may very well have just gone duvet days

How could OP have duvet days with a 14mo?

OP, it will be fine! Please rest without guilt!

You need to have as much time off as you need to be healthy again, especially considering you are 39+4, which basically means you could go into labour today or any day???

How would you cope with that whilst being very ill? And your husband would have had to take time off then anyway wouldn't he?