Who is bu?

[thefutureisours]

Prepared for a flaming here but here goes!

Parents of autistic child who sleeps poorly. Parents both worked full time previously, parent A got up 4 days per week with child previously and got child ready etc and let B have a long lie, visa versa the other 3 days. Parent A is now part time and believed the arrangement would continue as is, being allowed a short lie in till B has to leave for work. Parent B thinks this is ridiculous as A is only working part time so wants A to get up 5 days a week instead of 4 since they took time off work to spend with child not to lie in bed. Who is bu?

There's this weird thing going on that makes people think that because they do activity A, they should do activity B 50/50

A child needs parenting 100% of the time. This child has 2 parents. So each parents does 50% of the parenting.

Whatever else the parents do outside of parenting is completely and totally irrelevant to the parenting division.

*shouldn't do

Does child go to special school/similar during the day?

Child is at nursery only on the days parent A and B are both at work. At home the remainder of the time.

So each parents does 50% of the parenting

That's simply not feasible due to differing work requirements/hours for many families.

Op, this one could be played out either way. Can you provide more detail? How many hours does parent a work and how many hours does parent b work. How long is parents bs commute?

Parent A works 3 days (22 hours) parent B has a 30 minute commute.

Parent B works 35 hours

That's simply not feasible due to differing work requirements/hours for many families.

Then you go closest division, easypeasy. But funnily enough, if both partners are willing to put the parenting job before other jobs, dividing the parenting equally works quite nicely.

It's not a matter of "I work outside of the home, therefore I do not have to do as much parenting" as an expectation.

It's a matter of "I work outside of the home, so therefore I need to work out how I can do my fair(est) share of parenting when I'm in the home".
u
Sometimes you can't go 50/50, sure. But a lot of (male) parents seem to think that working outside the home absolves them from doing their fair share, when that is a totally different job to parenting.

Child is at nursery only on the days parent A and B are both at work.

So the days the parents are both at work are covered and the other days get divided 50/50.

Which means both parents get equal lie-ins, equal time off etc. etc.

How many hours days does parent b work?

35. Must have cross posted

Cross posted, So basically parent a does three days, parent b does five days. Parent b wants parent a to get the kid up five days a week?

Yeah, in this I think parent b is unreasonable.

B is being u. Getting up/having a lie in is totally unrelated to everything else, unless I've missed something and A goes back to bed for a nap later or something. B already had the better deal, doing 3 rather than 4 mornings.

I think if one parent works 3 days and the other works 5 days then the “fairest” is probably that the part time parent does do any extra day but it does depend on other factors too.

So parent A has reduced working hours to look after their child.
Frankly I would bet that those extra days spent caring for an autistic pre schooler are far more exhausting than spending a day at work, so that lie in is needed all the more.

Thanks for your responses. I am the part time worker and I also think that looking after an autistic toddler is much harder than a day at work. I am happy to do 4 days getting up but I think 5/2 is grossly unfair on me. Especially considering my partner has planned activities they go to 2 evenings a week, 3 during the summer. I was looking for a bit of perspective as dp thinks I'm taking the piss!

I do hope that you also get 2 or 3 free evenings each week, if not then he is the pisstaker.

I did 20 hours a week with three young children at school. I now do 36 hours a week with three older children able to look after themselves. I'm more knackered working full time.

I would love to say I do but I don't have the time. If I did go out 2 or 3 evenings every week we would never see each other.