Sorry I'm going to have to be sparse on some details as the lady this post about is on here, I don't want to out myself.
There's a family I know. They come accross as a little strange with their relationship dynamic as it is, in the past I've defended them, saying well, she's unwell and he is ver protective. He has taken n her children from a devious relationship, once past their initial awkwardness they come accross until recently as a lovely family, I've been closer t him than I have her, but recently I've become quite concerned.
Over the past few months there have been red flags, like him having an ongoing feud with her father, her father wants t visit her, he keeps putting the father off until he is at home. Her father wants to see her and feels he is controlling things. He gets aggressive in his responses.
They have just had a baby who is 7 weeks old, his first DD but her 3rd. During the pregnancy MW were certain there was DV- she was seen most weeks by MWs- they were really keeping an eye on them- something we joked about because at this time he appeared to just be a doting partner.....though many people who know them say he comes accross as controlling.
So come to the end of her pregnancy, he becomes quite offensive about her. She's apparently pathetic and he's sick of it all. He's prepared to leave.
Their lovely DD is born, and there were complications, quite severe will mean that they will need support, or atleast she will. At this point I can't give details, but think unable to move a limb. His response was "she just needs to fucking pull it together" within a week of their DD being born he told my husband he was leaving. She has PND and he can't deal with it. She can't cope, they shouldn't have had the baby anyway. ......he ended up not leaving. No one wants to have him move in with them.
It's now becoming a daily occurrence of him saying she's a rubbish mum, she's not any kind of partner, he tells everyone that will listen that she is not doing well. But when you see her and any of the kids they're all doing amazingly well. The kids are impeccably turned out, she looks like a knackered mum to 3 kids-youngest is 6wks old.
She mentioned that he's telling everyone how bad she's doing, and she just said, our lives have been turned upside down by little one, it's just a scrabble for the first few months and he doesn't understand that,
She genuinely seems to be doing really well.
The things he's saying seem to be getting worse, like he was talking about being sat the end of his tether how he's going to move onto a mates couch. I was saying try couples counselling, please just give it a go before you break the family up. His reply was, no because I'll fucking rip her to pieces. I will win that one. - which seemed like a pretty nasty thing to say about the woman who has just had your child.
He also told me that he intends on going to live 100 miles away, because she will keep his kid from him anyway, I said but the older ones? You've bonded with them, sure they'll have a say. His reply, they're not my kids. I don't really give a shit. He followed up with his plan of leaving a few days before he gets his wages, so she gets nothing. FWIW he pays all bills so if he does this she's stone broke.
I feel really awful for her, I can't even sleep knowing that she's in this position and that he is being such a nasty fucker to her- bearing in mind I have been more friendly with him than I have her. I am shocked at this situation.
What can I do... It's not like I can she he's planning on leaving so do X y z . I can't say what he's told me or DH. We have spoken about him telling people she's not coping- I agreed with her and pretty much said she was doing great and he was being a bit of a plonker and most parents would know what the situation was really like, or would when they saw her or the kids.
Is it stupid to be worried about her from what I've said.... I can be a bit naive at times, id like to lend some support to her. I'm honestly awake worrying.