Upset by offensive comments at work

[Namechangedforthis0]

I've name changed as this would out me, work at very small workplace.
Today a person at work started talking about someone he knew having mental health issues, and being "nutty as a fruit cake" because they had been sectioned.
AIBU to be upset by this which I consider to be incredibly offensive (I have MH issues myself and have been sectioned)?
I called him out but he really did not seem to understand how offensive he was being (other colleagues did and tried to shut him up but he kept blathering on).
What, if anything, should I do about it?

I'd ignore it. You can't reason with stupid

I think it’s offensive too. I would just look at it as he’s an idiot and shit to deride someone because they have MH issues. You can’t change the way someone like that thinks, as they are pretty comfortable in their ignorance.

Could you ask your boss to give him disability awareness training?

calling him 'stupid' and an 'idiot' as previous posters just did (in a discussion about ableism) shows how insidiously ableist language creeps into the mainstream

I think, if you feel comfortable, you could have a quiet word with someone more senior in your dept/office. It doesn’t need to be a complaint, just some warning to them that some (one) of their employees doesn’t hold a particularly enlightened view of mental health difficulties.

@MmeFesse give it a rest

Just say ' your ignorance of MH is outstanding, have you considered educating yourself on the subject? ' Each and every time he makes remarks like he does.
Or smile and ask him if he's happy. If he says yes, just reply with a sigh ' yes, they say ignorance is bliss, no wonder your happy '. When he makes a remark.
Then just shrug and carry on with your work..

If I were you I would report to HR to be honest. Taking the piss out someone's mental health is pretty nasty.

Let THEM decide what to do about him - if anything.

If you challenge him, he will mock you further.

What a rude twat he sounds!

The OP says she works in a very small workplace, she isn't going to be able to report it to HR so that they can decide what to do.

Pythoness, what you said was unintentionally ableist, but rather than conceding that you want to jump down my throat. I get it, it's slipped into the vernacular, much like 'nutty as a fruitcake' but that's not considered a nice thing to say either. I know we all slip up when social standards change, but given the topic I just found it odd that terms like 'stupid' and 'idiot' popped up straight away. We need to be mindful about this language, or people get hurt, as seen in the OP. It's too easy/lazy to use words like 'moron' or 'crazy'. Since they get used so casually it is shocking to seriously consider the gravity of their original, discriminatory, meaning.

I use language like this around people who know about my diagnosis. I've been told by one friend that she thinks it demonstrates low self esteem but it honestly is my way of saying fuck you to the types that would use such language against me. It could be that he's doing similar - either in terms of his diagnosis if he has one or as a way of dealing with hostile reactions to his relative. Or he could just be a dick.

Mmefess it was indeed ironic - the very first two posts! Which were supportive of the OP.
I’m fortunate enough to have no history or experience of MH in my close family or friends but that was an eye opener for me.

calling him 'stupid' and an 'idiot' as previous posters just did (in a discussion about ableism) shows how insidiously ableist language creeps into the mainstream

I agree with this, actually. How is saying stupid or idiot any better than nutty as a fruitcake?
It's all,if we're calling it out, insidious ablist language. That is too easily bandied about.
Roll your eyes and ignore. He's just ignorant of the facts.

No, it was not ableist as it was not discrimination or a social prejudice against a disabled person.

The word idiot means “ignorant person,” although it is also used to insult. Here it was used as the former. I find someone being derisive of someone with MH issues ignorant, yes. The definition of ignorant is “lacking awareness, knowledge, awareness, and “discourteous, rude.” I’d certainly say the OP’s coworker fits that definition in this scenario, especially since he kept at it despite others trying to get him to stop.

You should throw his words back at him if it was me I'd respond sarcastically with "wow you're brave didn't you know you have to be all kinds of crazy to be sectioned? wouldn't want to be in your shoes when so and so hears that"

P.SI also have MH issues so my use of the term crazy is meant to be lighthearted and funny so no offence to anyone with MH issues

Idiot and stupid are not words that apply to people with learning disabilities and never have been.

You're unreasonable to be upset.

I don't know why some people are so determined to police others' language.

@coyoacan - you're wrong

"In 19th- and early 20th-century medicine and psychology, an "idiot" was a person with a very profound intellectual disability. In the early 1900s, Dr. Henry H. Goddard proposed a classification system for intellectual disability based on the Binet-Simon concept of mental age. Individuals with the lowest mental age level (less than three years) were identified as idiots; imbeciles had a mental age of three to seven years, and morons had a mental age of seven to ten years. The term "idiot" was used to refer to people having an IQ below 30 IQ, or intelligence quotient"

punchyKate you must be a delight to work with if you seriously think that behaviour is acceptable.

With reference to the OP, I'd be reporting it to your manager in writing. You could consider raising a grievance if it's not dealt with.

ilovesooty

For me. People work for me.

That aside, I didn't say that the behavior or comment was acceptable; I said that the OP was unreasonable to be upset about such a minor transgression.

punchykate, you aren't coming across well

That wasn't my intention.

I am giving an honest opinion and my opinion is that being offended and upset is ridiculous and expecting "disability awareness training" for using the term "nutty" is absurd and something I imagine could only happen in the public sector - not in real life.

The word was used with specific reference to someone who had been sectioned.
The OP challenged him but he appeared to be unaware that what he was saying could be deemed offensive.

That to me is the issue here and I would expect a manager to deal with that person rather than tell the OP she was unreasonable to have been upset.

araiwa I stand corrected for the word "Idiot", though I still say that was a very temporary use of an age-old word.

I totally believe in being kind and not being offensive to people about conditions they have no control over, but I cannot accept that either idiot or stupid in the context in which they were said are ablist.

I think 'idiot' was a term that meant very low IQ (as in 'village idiot'). As such, you'd think to use it now was very unkind. Except that its connotations have changed, dramatically. Hardly anyone uses the word to refer to someone's intellectual capability. They use it to refer to chosen behaviour that society deems inappropriate, i.e. behaving unkindly or dangerously or without regard for one's reputation as a sober, upstanding individual.

Totally different word now.

Of course, when it was used in its original sense it wasn't strictly an insult either. Low IQ was considered a matter of fact, not a moral failing. So calling someone an 'idiot' - even when referring to their IQ - wasn't to insult them, it was to describe them. Now, we use the term as I have described above, and it is an insult, but I wouldn't consider it disablist.