Am I expecting too much of myself

[Bugsareinthebrook]

It's 10 weeks today since my Mum died. I was off work for the first 5 weeks because of the bereavement but also because I had a very bad viral wheezy chest that took a long time to get over. I'm back at work now and finding it so hard.
I should also say that I have had thrush for nearly 7 weeks too so must be very run down. I don't feel like I'm getting anywhere with the doctors and just feel rubbish.
I am up and down so much.
Motivation is difficult and just don't feel resilient.
My son has had some issues with bullies last week and although school are dealing with it my anxiety is through the roof.
I suffer from anxiety and manage it most of the time - I don't take medication but have had CBT which has helped.

My Dad is a narcissist and I find it very hard. He refuses to ring anyone (always has) and expects to be called and when I do call him it's all about him. He isn't interested in the way I feel or in giving me any support. This is having the opposite effect on me and just driving me away which in turn feeds my anxiety and guilt.
He told me that my mum was dying and that I needed to come to hospital straight away by text - just feels like no respect and makes me feel I am unreasonable to be upset by this.
I haven't spoken to him for over a week and really don't feel like I want to.

Thanks

If you don't want to call your dad, then don't. You deserve a break.

The Easter break is here. Arrange to do something completely different with your DS. You don't say how old he is but choose something you both like, and try to have a day away from all the stress & sadness.

Or if you don't want to go anywhere, get nice food, and whatever else you like - books, music, flowers whatever - and hibernate for four days. Allocate yourself 10 hours sleep a night and recharge. Try to spend the holiday doing no chores and just relaxing.

Hi thanks
We had planned to go away but our plans have had to change at the last minute so planning on a chill out at home

I think the problem with grief is although we all deal with it in different ways we are all expected to 'get over it' in a timely manner! It sounds as though this is just the straw on top of everything else! no wonder your stressed out! Is there anyway you can be signed off work for a couple of weeks to try and reset? and there's nothing saying you have to deal with your Dad at the moment if you feel your not up to it xx

Well people are sympathetic for a period of time but I guess their world moves on even if mine doesn’t. I’m lucky that I have a husband who understands grief- he lost his mum and brother.
My other problem is I work in an environment where I have to distance myself from emotion and not show it- I think I have done this with my Dad and haven’t shown him . Therefore he doesn’t think I’m not ok but tbh I don’t think he would ask anyway. Even when my mum was ill it was all about him.
I’ve already had 5 weeks off work but just wish I could feel better

Everyone copes, or doesn't cope, with grief in different ways. I lost my very much loved Mum 18 months ago, when I was dealing with an illness of my own and then I had to deal with sorting out her affairs afterwards, but my husband is so supportive and my children grown up. Even so I was actually off work for 3 months and then had a month's phased return to work, and counselling and just writing about it still makes me cry. You don't have to be 'over it' just yet, it takes time and you should allow yourself the time you need. Your father is probably also grieving and unable to give you the support you need at the moment, and apart from the grieving he will be missing her everyday presence. If you are not coping very well, you might want to consider going to your doctor for help. You may need some more time off work, or some counselling. Accept the help that is offered. And accept that although you may not be able to manage your dad's needs at the moment he probably needs as much support as you. I know how much it hurts to lose your Mum, but please remember that you are not the only one suffering. I hope that you can get some support to help you through this and that you will soon begin to be able to take comfort in remembering the good times you shared with your Mum.

So sorry OP. You sound like you are going through a really tough time and that your immune system is suffering. When my dad died my mum was not able to offer any emotional support at all, even though she is usually v supportive. It sounds like your dad never was supportive though, is that right? Right now I think you need to focus on you. The sadness will become more tolerable over time, but it does take time.

Would your work colleagues understand? Often getting back into your usual routine helps, even if to give you a focus other than the grief. Take care of yourself.

No Dad has never been supportive and I get that he is grieving but I am struggling to give him support when I need it myself.
I’m at work now and no one expects too much of me.
I’m just expecting too much of myself .