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Original poster

MIL rant...

16 replies

Twinkletoes90 · 28/03/2018 10:13

Hi everyone - new to this and just needing a little rant -

so basically my MIL has our kids 1 day a week to help us out with child care she has DD all day and she takes our son to school for us.. (I have said I will pick DD up from her when I finish work just after lunch she said no its ok DH will pick up on his way home - no problems - she doesn't work - she doesn't need to very very well off)
she moans about our DS all the time his attitude hes loud doesn't stop eating etc - hes there and she has him for 1 hour and 30 mins max. yes hes loud hes 5 and discovered dinosaurs and loves to pretend to be one but once you tell him to not be so loud he will quiet down (she knows this)
she sees other two GD every single day she has them for tea sleepovers takes them away for a week and weekends all the time (there parents are very well off to and the mum doesn't work either) she says she treats them all the same (she doesn't she spends 4x more on the other kids than ours which is ok its her money but stop saying you do..)- I ask her to see them more... can we come up do you want to come to ours (20 mins drive) its a no we are busy got other GK etc. more for hubbys sake than anything - he said hes always felt pushed out growing up.

just don't no what else to do really - guess I just needed a moan - ino we are lucky to have them help with the kids for the day and that just more feel sad as my DS is so loving and always asked to see her and shes busy says no - shes even said she prefers girls to boys (yes she really said this) - just wondering do I stop trying or keep trying ?

OP posts:
toooldforthisshirt37 · 28/03/2018 10:46

This woman is missing out on your children.

Sadly, your children are missing out on a loving grandmother, but she doesn't sound like that is who she is.

Stop trying.

2ndSopranos · 28/03/2018 10:52

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Idontbelieveinthemoon · 28/03/2018 10:53

I'd stop completely. Send her a Christmas and Birthday card each year but beyond that let her go. She sounds pretty awful as Grandparents go; treating them differently automatically makes her a tool and she's clearly spent a lifetime getting away with it with your DH and feels it's ok to continue the favouritism in her Grandchildren.

My rule with the DCs is that they only spend time with people who love and cherish them. Ok, so schools and Doctors and sports groups can be excepted, but the rest of the time that's the absolute hard and fast rule. Children are bright and can quickly pick up on favouritism and easily have their self-esteem damaged. Protect your DC from her awful games and leave her to her spiteful life.

Having more money doesn't prevent a person from being an arsehole. It's just easier to get away with being an arsehole when you've lots of money because people are less willing to call you out on it.

GreatDuckCookery6211 · 28/03/2018 11:00

How is she missing out on the children? She sees them once a week which is more than some grandparents do. Sounds like she can't cope with your son more than anything. Is he quite challenging?

I agree that it isn't fair if she's spending more money on her other grandchildren and I can imagine that must be hurtful but sadly you can't force her to spend the same amount.

Is the other mum her daughter?

jaimelannistersgoldenhand · 28/03/2018 11:02

Stop trying. You can't make her love your kids as much as her other grandkids. If this has been going on since your h was a kid, it's not going to suddenly stop now.

Original poster
Twinkletoes90 · 28/03/2018 11:50

Thank you for your replies - means a lot

No my son isn't challenging- he's actually the better behaved one out my two kids typical 5 year old really - my nearly 3 year old daughter she's a little monkey - little miss madam wants her own way if you get me.

Oh reason I keep trying is because DH keeps saying I must - we can't be seen as not! It's like he won't stop trying to get in her good books it's like he just wants them to say they are proud of him.... he's never had this and I don't expect ever will!

OP posts:
Snowmagedon · 28/03/2018 12:15

Your dh needs to be the on trying then but tell him you will not have your dc exposed to favoritism.

He sounds wrapped up in himself, he is hurt by his parents but it's fine for his son to be too?!

toomuchtooold · 28/03/2018 12:19

Yeah, is the other mum her daughter? Some of the grans I used to see at playgroups would tell me how they did x and y days for their daughter and z days for their daughter in law. Because I am a scaredy cat I never asked them why they didn't say "X and y for daughter and z for son". I guess some mums see it as women's work being delegated. Although if your DH has always felt a bit left out, it could also just be that.

Would agree with PPs, don't try and force a relationship.

Laiste · 28/03/2018 12:21

Same as snow says. DH has had his favoritism struggles with his parents in the past, and is carrying them on now by still fighting for his 'share' of attention through his own children. This is wrong. Bad for him, the DCs and you.

Can you help him to see his parents wont change?

My DCs were always the out of favor grand kids from my first marriage. There's nothing you can do about it except manage their expectations so they're never aware of it.

Dulra · 28/03/2018 12:29

I feel sorry for your dh to be constantly looking for approval and it being so obvious to him growing up that he was not the favourite. How toxic. He is obviously not ready to admit defeat where looking for attention is concerned and was probably hoping he would get it through his kids but unfortunately the opposite seems to be happening. I think for your sake you just need to accept she is what she is and not likely to change. You say your son adores her so leave their relationship be he is young and does not see what else is going on but he will eventually notice it for himself as he gets older and can decide himself what kind of relationship he wants with her. If you feel though she is not being very nice to him that is different and I wouldn't leave him with her as much if I felt that was the case.

My mil is a bit similar not as bad. She has lots of grandkids but very obviously favours the grandsons over the granddaughters. I only have daughters so it used to upset me a lot. I just got on with it though and was very grateful my mum was a very loving and attentive granny to my daughters. Now as my kids get older they are beginning to notice it for themselves and soon enough they may stop bothering with her because of it and she will lose out because my daughters do far more for her then any of her grandsons do.

Original poster
Twinkletoes90 · 28/03/2018 12:34

I have tried for years to make him see that they won't change but it's like he's holding out for them to - iv tried to talk about it many times - normally ends in argument!
Yes it's her daughter!
My cousin keeps telling me to stop trying and soon enough my child will say they don't want to go there...

OP posts:
Original poster
Twinkletoes90 · 28/03/2018 12:34

I have tried for years to make him see that they won't change but it's like he's holding out for them to - iv tried to talk about it many times - normally ends in argument!
Yes it's her daughter!
My cousin keeps telling me to stop trying and soon enough my child will say they don't want to go there...

OP posts:
GreatDuckCookery6211 · 28/03/2018 12:52

That sounds sad OP for you and your DH. Given your last post I get why you're upset.

RadioGaGoo · 28/03/2018 13:06

I'm guessing that she's missing out because she's not enjoying them. She's their physically, but not enjoying them mentally. That's what I understood from toooldforthis's comment.

RadioGaGoo · 28/03/2018 13:07

'there'

Original poster
Twinkletoes90 · 28/03/2018 20:23

Thank you for all ur replies - i really do appreciate it
Il get admin to delete now

Really do appreciate your honestly replies and letting me rant thank you!!!! Xxxx

OP posts:
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