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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To want to know, do you feel guilty if you don’t do a child’s birthday party ?

44 replies

LardLizard · 27/03/2018 22:57

Dd last year of primary
Have organised a special day out to a theme park with a friend and probably gonna. Turn it into a sleepover back at ours
After
And she’s going ina. School residential which is over 400

However I’m feeling very guilty at the thought of. Not doing a party

OP posts:
missiondecision · 27/03/2018 23:01

She is having a gathering (modern name for party).

justgivemethepinot · 27/03/2018 23:01

Nope, never done a party, never will. Neither DC seem too traumatised. They get nice days out instead. Much cheaper, less stressful.

Spoonguard · 27/03/2018 23:01

I feel guilty but my dc is only 3. I'll probably wait until he is older but im terrified of no one turning up. It would break my heart.

We have a family get together or day out as a family.

FlirtyRomanticToast · 27/03/2018 23:03

No. A party every year would be boring and expensive Much better to mix it up I think. Your plan sounds lovely.

KC225 · 27/03/2018 23:03

I would but then I love doing children's parties and my kids love them too - so it's not a chore for me.

AlecOrAlonzo · 27/03/2018 23:08

I don't feel remotely guilty. They will get one party each but thereafter the birthday is a treat or a sleepover or something. I'm not made of money and children do not remember anyway.

KeepServingTheDrinks · 27/03/2018 23:09

I think what you're doing is fine. Some years a party, some years something different. They're starting to get too old at 11 for the jelly and ice cream and pass the parcel in any case.

Leeds2 · 27/03/2018 23:10

Do what you, and your DD, want to do.

My DD always had parties until the end of Year 6, because that was what she wanted and I was happy to oblige. Not everyone did, and I/she didn't hold it against them!

OhOfCourse · 27/03/2018 23:18

That's is a party?!!

Whisperquietly · 27/03/2018 23:22

children do not remember anyway.

I remember all my childhood parties clearly - what I wore, friends who came, theme, cake etc.

Not saying that I preferred them to days out (especially as neared the end of primary school), just that DC DO remember.

doze931 · 27/03/2018 23:33

I had my Ds1 8th birthday party last weekend. Will absolutely be the last. The children all misbehaved (not my own suprisingly), didnt eat the food provided, one child told birthday boy his cake was horrible etc, wrestled, pushed etc etc. Never ever ever again. Next year will be a day out. Unfortunately ive promised DS2 his 1st school party in September lol

Original poster
LardLizard · 27/03/2018 23:39

In all honestly I do think my dd would like a party
That’s proabky why I feel quilty, I know she’s more than happy with this plan as she’s a really good kid that doesn’t demand things but that actually makes me feel worse if she’s going yeahbyeah great but deep down thinking wish I was having a party

We’ve done different types of parties even justbsleepivers in the house where they’ve all behaved and it’s not cost too much to party venues and play places

OP posts:
Daifuku9 · 28/03/2018 00:56

I’ve done parties and a special day/weekend trip (one or the other, not both for one birthday), and find that most of the time the trip works out best for all. This has come about as the kids became a little older.

The parties tend to be stressful since, ime, people don’t understand how to RSVP despite it being clear on the invitation as we need a head count (for venue parties anyway). That then leads to little to no guests showing up and so money wasted, rude behavior from the other parents (letting their kids misbehave and not correct rude commentary), and a very disappointed birthday child.

I have also noticed the only time there’s a large turn out is when it’s a very pricey venue.

Day out at the theme park and sleepover seems suitable and if your DD is happy with it, that’s what matters.

Juiceylucy09 · 28/03/2018 01:11

I done this last year DD9 and 2 friends to a jumping place and dinner.

This year she had a sleepover x 8. Both she really enjoyed. It is good to mix it up a bit. I preferred the previous year obviously. 😀

emmyrose2000 · 28/03/2018 04:23

I would but then I love doing children's parties and my kids love them too - so it's not a chore for me
Same here. I love organising parties, so it's not a chore.

Thankfully we've we don't seem to have a problem with RSVPs, uninvited siblings turning up (never knew that was a thing until this board), or badly behaved guests, which I guess makes things easier.

children do not remember anyway.
Huh? Absolutely not true. I had a party for most of my birthdays until late teens. I can still remember the details of most of my parties, who came (mostly the same people for many years), the absolutely delicious cake my mother bought each year from the supermarket, the decorations etc.

My own kids have had a party every year and still talk about bits from parties years ago.

missperegrinespeculiar · 28/03/2018 04:24

hmm, my DSs love their parties, it is pricey, yes, as they both invite lots of children and we set no limit on numbers (but as they are getting older the number of invitees is diminishing thankfully!), but we try and pick manageable venues (last year it was in a park with entertainment bought in) and cater ourselves (except for cake!) to keep price down

I am hoping they will start preferring days out soon, as I find it all hugely stressful and have to do all ourselves as we have no family here, if my DM was here she'd be huge help with food and DF would be great with entertaining and drinks (all adults seem to stay at our parties!!!), but no such luck!

Why don't you want to do a party? if you can't afford it, then no point feeling guilty, you just do what you can, but if it is just you can't be bothered and you are pretty sure she is longing for one, then, yes, I would do it!

rocketgirl22 · 28/03/2018 04:58

Parties don't have to be expensive. You can host a party at home with some nibbles and party games for very little.

Most village halls also allow childrens parties for a tiny fee.

Do you not want her to have a party? Why do you feel guilty if she is happy?

We have children for such a short time, so a bit of work to do a party is not a chore and will be remembered for years to come. Not all children like parties, so that is different. Sleepovers can be exhausting far more than a 2 hour party in my experience.

Original poster
LardLizard · 28/03/2018 08:17

Agree I agree it’s downs though have to be that expensive
Last years sleepover wasn’t really expensive a few activities and some pizzas and tbh they were quite happy with that
That’s probably why I feel so guilty

OP posts:
Original poster
LardLizard · 28/03/2018 08:18

I suppose it’s more dh that doesn’t want to also a party

OP posts:
LagunaBubbles · 28/03/2018 08:23

No parties aren't compulsory! DS had one ladt year when he was turning 10 but that was his first.

Original poster
LardLizard · 28/03/2018 08:24

I donafeeenwoth the children are children for. Such a short whole comments too

It is certainly that I don’t feel guilty if she’s happy !

I want her to be happy
She will say she’s happy with the theme park day and a friend sleeping over as that the kind of child she is undemanding

But I think deep down she would really like a party like last years
And that’s what makes me feel guilty

OP posts:
IWannaSeeHowItEnds · 28/03/2018 08:34

I've done a few parties but when I really couldn't face it, I gave dd the choice - either have a big class party or with the money I would have spent, knock yourself out in build a bear. Quite often she saw the benefits of the extra present Grin

If you want minimum stress party, I recommend swimming parties at leisure centres. The kids are in the water for an hour, the food is provided and all you have to do is get a cake and make up some party bags. Also good are soft play parties for little kids. I've done a few of those and it's so much easier than having kids at home and around the same price as hiring a local hall, kids entertainer and catering costs.

stargirl1701 · 28/03/2018 08:36

We do alternate years. One year day out with family, one year party. No whole class parties as I cannot see the point. Friends only.

Original poster
LardLizard · 28/03/2018 08:55

Just spoke to her this am
And she said that’s fine abou tthe day out but that she would really like her friends round for a play date at the same time (which really is a party really )
There would be a max of 6 of them

OP posts:
anxious2017 · 28/03/2018 09:00

Mine get a choice. Party, a day out with a friend or a night in a hotel somewhere with a day out just us.