Making things right...

[NotTakenUsername]

This is fairly inconsequential, but I’m curious. At what age would you expect a child to ‘make things right’ with out prompting.

Examples:
Takes a towel from a pile and the whole pile falls over, when would you expect a child pick up the pile?

A drink is spilled. When would you expect a child to get a cloth and wipe up?

A toy is knocked off the table. When would you expect them to pick it up and put it back?

Pot of pencils spilled. When would you expect it to be ‘second nature’ that the pick them up and put them back in the pot?

Garden chair crashed into, knocking it down and making a clatter. What age would you expect them to stop and pick it up?

Like I say, not a problem as such but I sometimes feel frustrated at a particular child’s seeming obviousness to the chaos they make and I wonder if I’m being a bit unreasonable/expecting too much, or if they should have some level of awareness about these things by now.

The pile of clothes/pile of towels thing - I’m 50 and I still don’t do it.

All the other things? 8 or 9, probably.

Depends. my 2 year old does most of those things, but my 10 year old does none of them!

At around 5 - but I'd probably do the drink mopping up, and garden chair, depending on whether it was liekly to trap fingers or not, I'd probably do it.

DD1 did most of those things by about 5 - I think going and getting a cloth might have taken a bit longer, but the ones with instant remedies she was doing around the time she started school. DD2 took ages. She was a very clumsy child (I was/am too) so there were always accidents and spillages around her but she never seemed to even notice the chaos in her wake most of the time, let alone think to put anything right. I don't think she ever reliably did all the things on your list without reminding sometimes.

Thanks. I think I’m being unreasonable. The child shows no flicker that they even notice the chaos they create in their midst.

Even when I ask them they still tend to try to avoid ‘making it right’. Not sure why that is.

They are 7, but so is my Dd and she would tend to ‘see’ things and make them right about 2/3 of the time. I think it seems like it’s just a personality thing.

I think I always went with ‘you made the mess, you clear it up’, in practice this might mean helping, fetching cloths etc, but from pre school age onwards they certainly wouldn’t have been allowed to just carry on.

I definitely think it depends on personality/what behaviours have been enforced IYKWIM?

DD is 4 and she'll pick something up if she drops it/knocks it over. She gets herself cereal in the morning and if she spills she'll usually grab a cloth and clean it up, but sometimes she'll forget if she's thinking about doing something after her cereal. I'd say 8/10 she 'rights' something when she's 'wronged' it sort of thing.

Mine does it at home at 3. But in a shop or with visitors around she is more interested in other things so needs prompting.

You might be so interesting that she is getting distracted?

I think that might be the basis of my frustration BrownTurkey. I think that it’s about reinforcing behaviour to some extent.

I struggle with a lot of their behaviour at times because there is this, and they also cry if they don’t get their own way (not a whining voice but actual tears).

They are at my house at least once a week, often more, and it is very noticeable to me. But feeling frustrated doesn’t help anyone does it?

My 4 and 3 year old will respond to most of these without being prompted, others, like the pencil pot might require prompting, but I ve always had them pick up after themselves. I can tell you from teaching experience that many children of 10/11 wouldn’t dream of doing these things, and are shocked to be asked.

I’ve got a 35yo DP who can be like this at times.

You might be so interesting that she is getting distracted?

I think it’s more likely that I’m not their favourite person because I repeatedly prompt for and expect this positive behaviour.

They are no stranger to sending a scowling look in my direction.

It's very much a personality thing. My youngest wouldn't get his wellies on unless they were clean and wouldn't go to bed without putting his toys away first on his own since he could walk.

The others... well, they take after their mother I'm afraid ;)

For most of those I would say pre school age (3-4) but not always doing it perfectly. Children can't be expected to just know that they need to make it right, they need to be shown how and reminded from a very young age which will then become second nature as they get older. I think you have a steep uphill battle if they are only expected to do these things from an older age.

I’m definitely not looking perfection. NotTakenUsername loves a trier!
I’m just really a bit miffed.
Another example: They come here often more than once a week, have done for ages. I have never cleared their plate/cup after eating. I have clearly explained what is expected of them (to clear the items that they have used to the side of the sink).
I have yet to have a day when I don’t have to call this child back to clear their place.
I feel like when I talk they glaze over.

I wouldn't ever expect it to be 'natural'. If by 8/9, a child doesn't do this, it's because they haven't been taught to.

Do you think it is wholly a ‘nurture’ lifeskill? How can that be with a pp saying they have a 10yo that doesn't but a 2yo who does?

No, I think there is some nature in there. I mean I wouldn't expect any child to do it naturally. They might, might not. I would expect them all to be taught to do it.

I understand. I just think I’m going to have to take some deep breaths, keep trying and work on my personal acceptance lifeskills!