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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To still be living at home at 27?

28 replies

Lifesmagic · 26/03/2018 23:53

I’m ashamed to say that yes I’m part of the boomerang generation. I didn’t plan on sill living at home by this age but that’s life. I had save up a small deposit but then when I was 23 my boyfriend begged me to move in with him which I did and wasted 2 years worth of money paying rent, I really regretted it and by the time we had split up I had no money left so moved back in with my parents at 25 and I’ve been here ever since. I’m 28 next week and while I don’t mind living with my parents I feel like In society’s eyes I should have left by now. Before any one says any thing I do all my own washing, cooking and help with the cleaning. My dad works away a lot so mostly it’s just me and my mum and she says she like the company. At this rate I may only just make it out before I’m 30 🙄

OP posts:
FrustratedTeddyLamp · 26/03/2018 23:57

Im similar at 26 but its a little complicated with MH and looking after disabled family members, but theres noway i could move out soon.

NotSuchASmugMarriedNow1 · 26/03/2018 23:58

Who cares what society says. Sounds like all 3 of you are happy the way you are.

GrandTheftWalrus · 27/03/2018 00:01

I couldn't do it at 27. But I'd moved out at 21 and never went back even when I split with my husband. I preferred my own space.

Yes it meant I had to rent from council from benefits but I didn't want to go back.

However your set up sounds lovely. I'd be staying as long as possible lol.

MammaH2018 · 27/03/2018 00:01

If you and your parents are happy with the situation then who is anyone is to judge?

I assume your saving up to get a deposit together so you can move out and buy your own place?

I personally wouldn’t have lived at home as long as that but it’s totally up to you and what your plans are for the future

Twilight456 · 27/03/2018 00:04

I feel like i will be in the same situation! But you just have to not compare yourself to any friends or what you think you should be doing. Just keep saving and you'll get there. I know quite a few people aged late 20s early 30s who are still living with parents, just because they are still saving and are single so theres only one income to consider. If you are happy day to day then you are doing well.

MammaH2018 · 27/03/2018 00:06

I would hope that you are paying a decent portion of your salary to your parents for rent??

I don’t think it’s fair to be living (with anyone,parents or otherwise) and not be paying your way.....

missmorleyme · 27/03/2018 00:13

I havnt lived with a parent since 12, i moved in with my nan and grandad then moved out to my house now at 16 with partner (7 years ago, now have 3 dc) i couldnt live with my parents now, it would drive me mad. My bil still lives with my mil, and she does everything for him, cooking, cleaning, washing while he does a few hours work when he is scheduled in and plays on his game the rest of the time, he is 28. At keast you do everything for yourself and are not leeching.

PiningForTheFjords · 27/03/2018 00:17

If everyone's happy, where's the issue?

I miss my folks and wish I'd spent more time with them. Enjoy it :)

KimberlyS2 · 27/03/2018 00:22

I’m still at home and will be 32 this year. I pay what my dad asks for, which is a very small amount. My mum would rather I save than pay them money that they don’t need.

We don’t really care what others think, it works for all of us and we are very close.

SandAndSea · 27/03/2018 00:27

YABU to be ashamed about this. Nothing else. There are many, many ways to live - nothing wrong with living with family at all, in fact, it makes a lot of sense for many reasons.

My only words of caution might be around encouraging you to have a plan (and not get too comfie) and to get on the property ladder as soon as possible. It doesn't have to be a huge, expensive house, but something somewhere could serve you well in the future. Maybe think about getting some professional financial advice to help you. Just some thoughts.

HermionesRightHook · 27/03/2018 00:29

Well, you're missing out on some formative experiences. Like living in a shitty slug infested house with crap flatmates. It was a lot of fun when I did it, looking back, but felt pretty shit at the time. But frankly if my parents had been close to where I worked I would probably have lived at home - though meeting DH out of all the shit housemates was a bonus).

As long as you're really aggressively saving - like the £300-1000 a month you'd be paying out on market rent, depending on where you lived, minus the rent you pay your parents - then it's probably an astute move, as long as you're paying attention to your social life and you're happy.

HonkyWonkWoman · 27/03/2018 00:32

Nothing wrong with it at all. You all get on and you're company for your DMum while your DDads away.
Who cares what others think although I would guess that they don't think anything derogatory at all.

Stefoscope · 27/03/2018 00:43

Go for it. I'd still be living (and contributing) with my mum at aged 33 if there were any job prospects in my home village. As it is I've spent years (since 18) and £ drifting along and would have welcomed the opportunity to save a deposit and get on the ladder to buy a place totally of my own.

Original poster
Lifesmagic · 27/03/2018 00:48

Thanks everyone, you’re all way more supportive than my real life friends they all seemed to move out 4-5 years ago and I just feel like I’m a little late to the party, there all getting married and having babies. Yes I’m saving for my deposit but I live in an expensive area and I think it’s going to take me at least another 2 years before I can afford it and just wanted to make sure I wasn’t the only one still at home, I actually love living with them but am becoming increasingly under pressure from friends to move out but I just can’t waste anymore money renting or I’ll never have a deposit.

OP posts:
VodkaRusschian · 27/03/2018 01:32

It might be difficult but you'll have to ignore your friends. You make decisions for yourself, not them. Perhaps they don't get on with their parents as well as you do with yours. Absolutely nobody else's business.

DrunkUnicorn · 27/03/2018 03:47

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Movablefeast · 27/03/2018 04:22

Just focus on your own goals, don't compare yourself with others as this is a dead end street. Live your own life.

NeverTwerkNaked · 27/03/2018 07:16

You are doing the grown up, mature thing I think.

KanielOutis · 27/03/2018 07:17

I'm 30 and know more people my age who still live with their parents than live in their own place. Some with children of their own. Multi generation living is becoming the norm now. It costs 10x the average wage to buy the average house. It's beyond the reach of nearly everyone.

gussyfinknottle · 27/03/2018 07:24

In my 50s. Had a spell living back at home in my 30s. It can be the choice you have to make. My parents were happy to invite me. I lived all over the world before and since. Bought my own home a few years after.

If my dd was in the same position I would offer the same option. It's what has to be sometimes.

Lotsofsausage · 27/03/2018 07:25

If you’re all happy with the arrangement then YANBU. But - I don’t see how it’s taken you 3 years + 2 more to save a deposit though if you’re rent free ? How much do you save pcm? Surely you’d be paying upto 1k pcm in an expensive part of the country, saving all that you could have potentially saved upto 36k by now?

Mightymucks · 27/03/2018 07:29

Well you did leave and you’re making plans to leave again at some point.

I think that’s very different from a 40 year old virgin who stays at home doing jigsaws and watching Countryfile with her Mum and writing angry letters to the Radio Times.

Lindy2 · 27/03/2018 07:35

I moved out at 26. A lot of my friends moved out earlier but were all renting. I was one of the first of my social group to buy which is why I stayed with mum and dad longer saving up a deposit.
That was quite a lot of years ago now. Buying was hard then but not as hard as it seems to be today. I expect my own children could well take longer to be in a position to buy.

CuppaSarah · 27/03/2018 07:39

I moved out at 23, but was living with my in-laws. We moved out to have a baby, although mil was really keen for us to stay, but it was important for us to be independent before DD came along. Had we not had DD we would have stayed till we got a deposit.

I would never judge someone staying home to save for a deposit or get out of debt. Plus it sounds like your mum would appreciate the company while your dad is away. Really I'm envious as my own parents would never allow me do the same even though they're in a position to do so(but my ils would so I'm still very fortunate)

Unfinishedkitchen · 27/03/2018 09:05

You seem to be too easily swayed by what others tell you to do. Your ex encouraged you to spunk all of your savings and now you’re wavering because friends say you should move out. Do what’s best for you, you have a good set up which will give you the opportunity to save again.

I stayed at home until 26 I order to save for a deposit. I still had an active social life, boyfriends, travelled etc. I rented for one year to see what it was like but glad I had enough savings to put down the deposit straight after as I would’ve hated that lifestyle long term and resented paying off someone else’s mortgage.

I had one friend in particular who kept encouraging me to give up work for a year and travel. I didn’t listen to him. Nearly 20 years later he’s still renting and I’ve pretty much holidayed in all of the places I would’ve travelled to and I have a house.