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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think I've upset/offended her

26 replies

RainbowSparkles · 26/03/2018 23:03

Colleague/friend had a significant birthday at the end of last week, I got her a gift that I thought suited her personality and could either be used or be a keepsake but it did have her age on it.
I also posted on her facebook wall wishing her happy age birthday as did many others, my fb sometimes displays old posts and other people's posts on my news feed. It showed another colleague posted on to her wall and she had liked it so I thought I'd have look and see if she liked mine, that's when I noticed that she has liked every post except mine.
We are normally on really chatty terms at work but today she just looked through me when I said hello and kind of avoided me the rest of the day.
Did I make a mistake with the gift?
I really overthink things and I'm now worried that I might have ruined my friendship.

OP posts:
Georgeofthejungle · 26/03/2018 23:05

Your gonna have to tell us what the gift was.

Are you normally quite close? Could you text her and ask if everything’s ok?

DaisyChainsForever · 26/03/2018 23:07

Are you friends outside of work?

Georgeofthejungle · 26/03/2018 23:08

Furthermore I think it would be fairly ridiculous to fall out with someone because they got you a wine glass with 40 on it , for example. Unless she’s only 30 that is 😂

kiplingback · 26/03/2018 23:09

Omg maybe she just missed it out by accident??

When you get loads of posts on the same day it is so easy to overlook the odd one or 2. I'm amazed anyone would think this had a deeper meaning.

Original poster
RainbowSparkles · 26/03/2018 23:13

It was a wine glass, I usually buy her wine. We get on really well, we have the same hobby so bonded over that.
I don't really want to text just in case it makes things awkward or she was having a bad day and I am over thinking things

OP posts:
Original poster
RainbowSparkles · 26/03/2018 23:16

Kipling I understand that but it just highlighted the fact that she ignored me at work, when we're usually so chatty.

OP posts:
DaisyChainsForever · 26/03/2018 23:16

Was she particularly sensitive about turning a certain age? (And didn't want a wine glass reminding her of it?)

SundayGirls · 26/03/2018 23:17

Just don’t mention it and carry on as normal, it’ll either blow over or she’ll have some issue in which case it will become clear over time and then you could ask her if you’ve offended her in some way.

ScattyCharly · 26/03/2018 23:19

Well. You are overthinking it imo. You are trying to find fault with something you have done. Even if you have done something to upset her (unlikely) then it was done inadvertently. Really you should be wondering if she is actually a mean person for treating you this way. Not searching through all your actions to find an imagined fault.

Original poster
RainbowSparkles · 26/03/2018 23:22

Daisy she was embracing it, she takes everything in her stride. If she is/was sensitive about it then she is/was hiding it well.
I'll try not to think about it and see what happens tomorrow.

OP posts:
Georgeofthejungle · 26/03/2018 23:25

Rainbow yabu 😄 get to bed and fresh head tomorrow. Who’d not love a nice wine glass with a special birthday on.

Greymisty · 26/03/2018 23:26

I think seeing how tomorrow goes is your best bet. If she's not usually a sensitive soul then your prob overthinking it and she was hungover having drunk out her special wine glass all evening.

honeyroar · 26/03/2018 23:30

Unless you'd bought something particularly insulting or offensive (and i can't think how a wine glass would be unless it said "you old bastard" on it or something!)I think it's really rude to ignore someone who has bought you a present and said hello to you!

Print this thread off and leave it on her desk!

ApproachingATunnel · 26/03/2018 23:30

She sounds a right twat. You care too much about what she thinks. Are you usually craving her attention and approval and keen to be in her good books? Is she socially quite an influential person?
Thing is, twats like her always pick on a person keen to please.
Just ignore her, her issues is not your problem. Dont get involved in the drama of asking what you did wrong when you did nothing.

Sarah0574 · 26/03/2018 23:31

I'd hate a present like that tbh! What woman wants to be reminded of their age! A bit of a crap present, I think, but not worth her falling out with you over.

Sarah0574 · 26/03/2018 23:32

Are you younger than her? Maybe she thought you were rubbing her face in it

RainbowGlitterFairy · 26/03/2018 23:33

Is she upset you forgot the wine to go with it? Wink

I suspect you are over thinking it and she is just having a bad day/a bit hungover from the weekend

Georgeofthejungle · 26/03/2018 23:33

Jeez Sarah. Hope I never get you for secret Santa. You just say how you feel love 😂

Viviennemary · 27/03/2018 00:03

I wouldn't appreciate a wine glass or anything else with my age on it. But I certainly wouldn't ignore the person who gave it to me. It's a bit thoughtless though.

sheldonesque · 27/03/2018 00:11

Something similar has happened to me.

Not a birthday gift but more of a congratulations one for a new position. Very tasteful gift. And one I thought they'd like.

Blanked ever since.

I wonder if I get people. Confused

user1471558723 · 29/03/2018 03:30

Someone I only knew vaguely, came around to my house with a quite generous present for me on a significant birthday. They had never been to my house before. I was grateful but quite surprised, and I always felt a bit cautious about engaging further with this person afterwards.
We just went back to being on nodding terms when we passed each other on the school run.
This was years ago and I'm sorry now that the generous gift made me feel awkward. It just felt a bit too much at the time. I never did find out how she knew that it was my birthday. She never tried to develop our acquaintance into a friendship and neither did I. I hope I didn't hurt her feelings.

TooGood2BeFalse · 29/03/2018 05:07

I personally would LOVE a wine glass with 'you old bastard' on it GrinWine

Original poster
RainbowSparkles · 29/03/2018 07:37

I didn't see her on Tuesday but yesterday everything was fine.
We were very chatty, she was telling me about her day, gifts and she thanked me for mine.
So she was having a bad day and I was overthinking things as usual!
I don't crave her attention and need to be in her good books, yes I am younger than her but you can't tell. I posted because I value her friendship, she has been very supportive of me and it has helped me get through a tough time at work.
Thank you for the replies

OP posts:
MindatWork · 29/03/2018 08:05

Glad to hear everything’s sorted op Smile

It’s very easy to assume the worst when you have a weird interaction with someone, particularly if you have a tendency to worry. I used to do this when I was younger but as I’ve got older I find it’s easier not to jump to conclusions.

I see a lot of posters on AIBU whipping themselves into a fury because someone ‘gave them a dirty look’ or ‘ignored them’ and I often think there could be a million reasons or things going on in that person’s own life that might be the reason (most of which have nothing to do with you!).

The difference with you is that you worried you’d upset her, which I think is quite sweet. Flowers

Greymisty · 29/03/2018 08:24

Happy ending Smile glad it worked it out well.