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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think that everybody as a constant inner monologue running through their mind?!

174 replies

BeUpStanding · 26/03/2018 21:26

I've just been told not everyone has a constant inner monologue running non-stop through their mind. Is that true?!

It's so fascinating to think how different our mental landscapes might be from other people's without realising. I've just remembered there was a thread on here ages ago (couple of years?) about whether you could see pictures in your mind... those of us that can were astonished to realise not everyone could, and vice versa. I think the OP was doing research for a psychology degree...

Anyway, do you constantly have a voice chattering away in your head, or is that another thing that people experience differently?

OP posts:
KasimirPushkino · 27/03/2018 02:06

@SimonBridges, I get that sensation when I'm suddenly horribly aware of my own existence. I find it quite terrifying and it makes me feel very anxious. Fortunately, it doesn't happen too often, but I wish I understood why it happens and what triggers it Confused

Certcert · 27/03/2018 05:26

Yes, but if I 'zone out', I start thinking about division and multiplication. It's always been there.

When I brought it up in a counselling session, years back, they said it was probably a coping mechanism. I don't know but I have had it ever since I was little.

Bluetoo1 · 27/03/2018 05:44

Mindfulness ie observing and noting what you can see (or that is what I do and it does stop my mind buzzing) is something we need to cutlivate more.
I think my mind is more flighty if I've had a drink the night before.
MN stops the flightyness as I am then reading and thinking about other peoples issues and not ruminating on mine.

speakout · 27/03/2018 06:06

I have an internal chat, but I can switch on and off. It's helpful when I want to get things done and organise myself, but I use it only 10% of the time.
It's too distracting and tiring otherwise.

Another one who practices mindfulness- I think everyone can benefit.

I was taught it and CBT about 8 years ago when I had treatment for anxiety.
It has been a life changer. My anxiety has gone, I have much more control over my mental and emotional landscape, I am calmer, happier, more productive and worry free.
I practice mindfulness daily.

MsJuniper · 27/03/2018 06:20

I do and it can be very intrusive. Sometimes I will say something aloud involuntarily when trying to stop a thought playing out.

I know someone who doesn't and she was very upset about this. She said she had realised most people did and thought there was something wrong with her (she did have some MH issues).

LaContessaDiPlump · 27/03/2018 06:30

I wouldn't say I have an inner monologue - more that my mind is constantly busy and new things to ponder crop up all the time.

Ever since I was a child, I've made up inner stories about characters I loved; I remember daydreaming adventures for the Care Bears at around 4yo, and thinking that this was the best game because I could take it everywhere and didn't have to pack it away. As I've got older I still do it, only now the characters are human-shaped. If I'm dwelling on something then I impose it on my characters, because imagining how theyd process it sort of helps me process it myself. The narrative is not linear though, and I jump back and forth through time/retract storylines etc as I need to. I'd say the story is always at the back of my mind and that it gets revisited at least every hour or so.

Does that make me odd? Blush

NoWordForFluffy · 27/03/2018 06:38

If I am ever idle it likes to replay clumsy conversations and awkward encounters from years ago and remind me just how embarrassing they were.

Oh god, me too!

I like to have background noise around me as it helps to tune out the inner monologue which would otherwise be incessant!

Dancinggoat · 27/03/2018 07:03

I have a constant monologue but What drives me potty is when someone has said something that has hurt or upset me. I replay it over and over. I want to switch it off. Don't think about it , it won't hurt you.
Is this why some people have thicker skins and stuff doesn't effect them as it does others because they don't have an internal Monologue?
Can you train your brain to stop chatting ?

speakout · 27/03/2018 07:11

I do have these old "videos" in my head, but I only keep the good ones.

Lovely holidays, nice moments things that are pleasant.

I don't keep the nasty ones when I got it wrong or was upset or life was horrible.
The get kept in a place that is not easily accessible.
If I do see one starting to play I hit the eject button and move on to something nicer, although that rarely happens, and with the passing of years I struggle to even remember many of the unpleasant times.
I just don't allow them headspace.

SkaPunkPrincess · 27/03/2018 07:12

Is it not just called thinking?

speakout · 27/03/2018 07:13

Can you train your brain to stop chatting ?

Yes. That is part of mindfulness.
You can also train your thoughts not to torture yourself. That horrible repetitive scene can be stopped, or replaced with something pleasant.

lottiegarbanzo · 27/03/2018 10:12

Those of you who have constant chatter in your heads - how do you focus when in a work meeting? Are you able to listen properly to what is being said? Reflect upon it, ponder links to other relevant tasks, make a useful contribution? Or does your inner chatter 'talk over' and interrupt people in the room, distracting your attention and processing power, so you're barely aware of what's going on in the room?

How do you function in day to day life? Do you ever give anyone else your full attention? Do other people consider you absent-minded?

Or is it just that your inner voice 'speaks out loud' your own thoughts to you, on relevant topics? So your inner voice says 'must send a copy of document x to person y', then you write it down, while also being able to listen to what's being said in the room?

MorningsEleven · 27/03/2018 10:18

I have different voices and they argue a lot. I think it's why I'm a procrastinator.

SaucyJack · 27/03/2018 10:19

Yes! All the time. I also have very vivid dreams too, so I don't get any downtime at night either.

There's usually a song playing in the background too somewhere. Currently got the Circle of Life from the Lion King on repeat.

Trialsmum · 27/03/2018 10:37

Yes all the time. If I have an issue, it often takes the form of an AIBU post 😂 where I mentally write out my problem and the imagine the replies! Or if I have a nice thought it often takes the form of a FB status (sometimes complete with # 😳 which I’d never actually use in real life!) sometimes the same thoughts replay over and over which is annoying and I also play put imaginary scenarios to help get to sleep. I can’t see pictures in my head though.

Laiste · 27/03/2018 10:40

I don't understand the not seeing pictures thing.

Can someone explain?

saucyjack - This morning in here it's Scat man, almost my default background hum.
Beeeee ba ba da da da,
Da da da da ....

VickieCherry · 27/03/2018 11:01

KasimirPushkino I get that horrible feeling too, have done ever since I was a child. It happens less often now I'm an adult, but it's very anxiety-inducing and I have to distract myself by talking to someone.

I had no idea some people don't have an internal monologue. I'm very quiet as a person, but am always thinking about something, usually quite deeply. It must be very restful to have silence in your brain! I am prone to bouts of severe anxiety and have had a lot of CBT, which I find very helpful. Mindfulness is a powerful tool, though I do find it very difficult and tend to avoid bothering unless my anxiety gets really bad.

blueshoes · 27/03/2018 11:07

Noonoohead sorry to hear about your experience. It sounds like losing a sense when you previously had it. Must be devastating not to be able to bring up your dd's face in your head.

The80sweregreat · 27/03/2018 11:09

I spend a lot of time alone at home do my own voice in my head does drive me mad!
It’s worse as I’ve got older.

lottiegarbanzo · 27/03/2018 11:14

I'm curious about whether the inner voice is you 'narrating'?
Or, whether it's a separate voice, carrying on a conversation with you?

Or, whether it is 'other voices', so actually 'hearing voices' in your head?

Nikephorus · 27/03/2018 11:24

I calm my mind at night by settling down to enjoy and immerse myself in my 'other life'
I do this ^^. It's the only thing that calms my brain down except for reading a really good book that I totally lose myself in.
And I have multiple thoughts and voices. I'll do both sides of a conversation in my head a lot. It's even worse if I'm trying to interact with someone because my autism means that I'm trying to work out what the other person is saying, going to say, really means, is expecting me to say and so on. Absolutely exhausting.
It amazes me that some people just don't really have this at all. Life would seem empty to me without it. (But then I'm in my head practically 24-7 & have very little external interaction)

JaneJeffer · 27/03/2018 13:12

I hit the eject button and move on to something nicer
This is a great idea.

Are you able to listen properly to what is being said?
I can listen but still be thinking about something else. It was very handy at school when the teacher pounced! I can also recite something in my head while thinking about something else.

Bluetoo1 · 27/03/2018 13:59

Generalising but I think men do it less.

To think that everybody as a constant inner monologue running through their mind?!
QuizzlyBear · 27/03/2018 14:03

Yes! Drives me nuts at 2am.

When I went through a religious phase at 11 I convinced myself my brain was talking to God 🤫😬

MaMisled · 27/03/2018 14:03

I thought everyone did! Really I'm amazed they don't! ?

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