Mum and basic hygiene

[katzensocken]

Mum is visiting since this lunchtime. So far she has taken it upon herself to do housework (I never ask and the house was clean to begin with), and so far has done the following:

Used a dirty tea towel (that was on the floor!) to dry washed dishes
Cleaned out the litter tray and then prepared lunch without washing hands
Took out the rubbish, came back and didn't wash hands
Lifted the entire kitchen bin lid off and rested it on top of the clean dish rack

She does stuff like this every time she visits and whenever I politely ask her to wash her hands or 'please, could you try not to do that' she either says I'm being silly or hysterical and that a tea towel from the floor is perfectly fine to be used and 'does it really matter where the bin lid goes.' When I point out I also have a shitty immune system she says 'oh yes, I suppose so.'

She also guilts me sometimes as in, 'well, if I'm doing it Wrong then maybe I won't do it, I'm only doing you a favour' GOOD don't do it, I never asked!

AIBU to go to another room and scream into a pillow?

So what happens if you say "that's right mum, I don't want you to do it."?

Vom did you eat the cat piss lunch?!?!

No don’t go into another room tell her
‘Mum I love you but my house is clean and please stop interfering. I Don’t need need you to. Let’s hsve a cuppa and chat’

Haha she made her own lunch luckily! She can go ahead and eat her dirty litter sandwich!

I had someone touch raw chicken then touch multiple drawer handles, fridge, counters etc with her raw chicken hands. I did not feel able to say anything but I just bleached everything and never let her prepare food in my kitchen again. If it were something that was going to happen more than once I would need to lay down the law.

@Idontdowindows

I've tried that before and she goes into a huff like 'fine' because I'm ungrateful, or something. I've also said 'it's alright, you don't need to do that, I can do it' or 'I've already done it' and she just responds 'no it's fine I'll just do it'

I have this problem too. I don't dare say anything when she's at mine. At hers I get up early and dettol everything. It's really hard at hers with the kids and it really puts me off going. I wish there was a solution!

Ok, but what happens if you insist that she's not to do it? I mean, at some point she's going to have to stop huffing?

Sounds like she wants to be helpful, find a job in advance for her?

Ugh I feel your pain! My MIL jabs whatever you’re eating, on your plate, with her long disgusting fingernails, and she constantly licks her fingers. It’s either “that (jab) looks nice” or “what’s (jab + grimace) that?” or sticks her finger in your sauce and licks finger then jabs something else on your plate.
I’ve taken to putting my arm around my plate like a 7 year old doing a spelling test, but she still hasn’t got the hint.

Sadly, I can relate to this.

My mum now seems to have forgotten basic rules. She can no longer clean her kitchen floor, so it is filthy - the sort of dirt that sticks to your feet when you walk there, and definitely includes spilt stock, scraps of meat, etc. This past weekend I left my DD with her and heard her say 'well, this has been on the floor, but the floor is clean ...' before she offered her food.

She would certainly pick a tea towel from the floor or similar. What I notice is that my mum's sense of smell has now become much worse, so part of the problem is that she can no longer smell that something is unpleasant. Is that an issue with your mum? She also seems to forget things, but covers by pretending she meant to do it all along - this would perhaps fit with what you say about her not washing her hands?

Oh I have this too and it is unbearable, no answers just my sympathy. I also have an Uncle who makes a bacon sandwich with raw meat hands everywhere including the bread for the sandwich, oh and thinks that wooden boards self-sterilise even if they have had raw chicken on them..

I refuse to let me mother do housework of any kind at my house. You should do the same!

You'll either end up dead or with the world's most robust immune system.
I hate licky finger people and seem to be surrounded by them daily. Tis' grimmers.
My step FIL used our downstairs loo at Christmas once and has severe bowel issues. Twenty minutes of listening to straining then not using a tap afterwards was awful. I cannot look at a Christmas dinner now without PTSD-style flashbacks.

LRD how is her eyesight? My DGM’s floor got like that when her eyesight deteriorated a lot, no one realised for a while.

OP that is hideous, I would have to follow her round stopping her doing those things. Z

Someone is going to end up poorly with food poisioning or getting worms at the rate shes going.
I'd talk to her about basic food hygiene and if she doesnt get it/ wont listen then she needs just to be watching the t.v and not doing anything.

Sorry, nothing constructive to say but I feel your pain.

So many gross people around, just bleurk.

YANBU. Just reading that makes me feel sick. I’d be tempted to use some variation on “I. Am. An. Adult. Stop. Cleaning. My. House.”

Don't invite her to your home. Meet somewhere else. Tell her why if necessary but stick to it.

You’re right to be upset, that’s all so gross! I seriously felt my stomach turn at the things you and others here described.

Seems like one you can’t win, unfortunately. My mother is like that and I can’t say anything without facing the wrath. I have to quietly clean again once she’s not in the room.

My dm's best mate had 1 cloth. She actually called it her floor, bench, arse and face cloth. Grim.
And she was a foster parent with a house full of dc!!

OP,
Has she always been like this with her cleaning, or has it become like this as she's got older.

What I mean is, were you brought up with this type of cleaning ?

It sounds like she does it on purpose to provoke a reaction.

When my mum comes here I just look away and let her get on with using the wrong cloths and probably spreading plague around the whole house. Its not worth the eye rolling and exaggerated compliance to get her to follow my processes.

And as she rightly says, we all survived our upbringing, and I can clean when she's gone.

I would have had to say something about the litter tray though.