I feel invisible

[killinginthenameof]

I suddenly feel invisible. I'm nearly 43, not in bad shape considering four dc, have always made a reasonable effort with appearance. Very happily married and DH loves and fancies me after twenty years together. So why do I care that I seem to have suddenly fallen off everyone's radar?

It's hard to explain but basically it's both people close to me and strangers. I'm from a big family and we are close, throughout my life I've been used to kind words, "you look nice", "I like your new haircut", "that suits you" etc. It's like it all dried up. I lost two stone through diet and exercise as I had gained a bit of weight, and it wasn't noticed at all. There has been no fall out and I know I am still very loved, but I think I could walk in with two heads and nobody would realise. I feel so vain and silly for even caring!

It's the same out in public, people just aren't as friendly, they don't seem to notice me, a lack of interest and eye contact. I have to wait forever to get a drink at my local bar! It's not sexual as it comes from both men and women.

I know I must sound so self absorbed - anyone who knows me in rl would tell you I am not in the slightest. I know this is actually happening and I'm not going mad, I just don't know why!

Everyone likes to be noticed and appreciated. Do you appreciate yourself? Do you value and love yourself?

It happens to women when we reach a certain age.
Embrace your invisibility. It's like having a superpower - think of all the things you can get away with now!

I don’t think 43 is classed as that ‘certain age’

Betty I hope not! Maybe it's a gradual
slippery slope! But I will try and see the potential good in my invisibility Yes I value myself and am generally a peaceful person.

I get you OP. Everyone just seems to be so busy these days. I feel the same as you sometimes. I feel it from immediate family and it’s not in an unkind way. If it helps, when I worked in a bar ages ago I served in order of whoever was the loudest because I was so forgetful I couldn’t remember who was next, no prejudice on age or looks. Just raise your voice and ask more loudly

I think we are living in a world where people are just interested in themselves and are less engaged with people, you only have to walk down the high street to see how many people are on their phones taking no notice of the real world. I find it hard to imagine that at 43 you have become invisible you are way too young,! It’s them not you!

My auntie in her 50s told me about the whole invisibility thing too.
In my teens and twenties, a lot of my chat with friends used to involve paying each other compliments, it was so nice. I wonder why we stopped.
I think I'll try to start doing this again. I'm 37 and feel invisible. It would give me a massive lift if someone said 'I like your hair/coat/make-up/brows/whatever.

Why do you equate niceness with complimenting your looks? You seem very shallow

I don't think you sound shallow at all. I think you get to a stage in your life where you question your identity - who you are - how people respond to you. It's called being human.

43 is not a certain age!!!

I think it’s you feeling it op rather than others reacting to you.

You may have lost some confidence and feeling confident and happy in your skin is attractive.

Get your hair done, get a new outfit and good on you loosing 2 stone wow brilliant.

Shimmy into that bar and demand attention! You will get it!

I am slightly older then you and demand attention. not ready for driving miss daisy just yet

44 here and I hear you. I hate being invisible. It's like I feel 21 and look my age or older and everyone just ignores me. I think because of insecurities I used to rely on compliments a lot, especially from men! Don't get a second glance now from anyone! I try to make myself look as good as I can in 5 mins (!) But everything is sagging, ageing, dropping and drooping. I haven't put on weight but have lost muscle tone and have such a bad back I can barely walk let alone exercise!

I'm older than you. I have found that being all understated, neutral and subtle, which was great when I was young, is a disaster now.

Your style has to be distinctive and even loud to be noticed as a middle aged woman.

At about your age I went through a phase of feeling invisible. I started deliberately making a point of noticing myself noticing and not noticing women of my age. I hope that makes sense. It didn't take long for me to decide on a particular style revamp. I loved it too. Gave me a new lease of life.

Thanks so much for all the comments, at least my thread isn't invisible! I am so pleased other women understand this as I know my post could easily be interpreted as shallow. I do wonder if maybe I equate niceness with compliments about looks, I think it's just the way we as a society (and definitely my family) casually compliment each other. "You look nice today" doesn't necessarily mean you're stunning but that you may look happy, smiley, generally glowey! I don't know, it just feels nice

Run you are spot on about my style! Time for a rethink maybe!

Naughty I also think I'm 21! I feel a bit shocked when I see my wrinkles in the mirror!

I get you op. I do think that to a certain extent women are favoured if they have youthful good looks. I think older, or overweight or less good looking women have to try harder in life to get places where doors seem to just swing open for the pretty young things and it becomes a bit circular in that this gives those people more confidence and drains the confidence of those who don’t have these things, which leads to less favourable treatment/opportunities.