AIBU to ask you to cheer me up with your first day at work horror stories?

[roconnell]

First day at my new retail job today. Absolute shit show. Weird colleagues, endless improvement 'feedback' which was just management telling me to smile. I constantly felt like I was in the wrong place and doing the wrong thing. I'm feeling pretty deflated. I hope tomorrow is better.

AIBU to ask you to regale me with your horrible first day at work stories? Please come and cheer me up

Day one back in a new job after taking a 2 year break off with baby. I was very nervous, new suit, didn't know where I was going etc. Turned up to be told my head of department was away on annual leave (!) And here is her caseload please cover her for the next week. By the way you're the most senior too. Aaaaah! Baptism of fire. 🔥

First day as a student midwife; keen to please. Observed my mentor during delivery of a baby, totally amazed and decided to make myself useful, so offered the couple a cup of tea afterwards. I went to make it, only to find the kettle broken. Never mind, I thought, I’ll use the staff urn. It wasn’t working so I decided to use the hot drinks trolley for use by patients. There was no hot water left! I stood there frozen in despair, feeling like I couldn’t go and tell a midwife (I was in awe) that I couldn’t even make a cup of tea after all I’d seen her do. Thankfully a lovely MSW walked by and showed me how to top the patient trolley up with water again!

I went to one of our sites on my first day to see how we do things. Started feeling unwell but ignored it. Ended up vomiting in front of everybody (including two other new starters) and ending up on the Tube home covered in my own sick.

I had never temped before. First appointment was a temp to perm position for a very large water company. Arrived, was shown my desk,given a sign on and shown how system worked ( probably around 50 minutes ) Was then given the full responsibility of dealing with overdue water bills informing customers by telephone of the amount they were expected to pay to clear overdue accounts of agreeing of mutually agreeable amount (my choice ). I stayed until lunch and never went back. Also never tempted again.

First day at finance dept British Steel, had a bit of an induction with the boss, taken out into the general office and was introduced, not one of them said hello or acknowledged me. I was clueless what to do. They were upset that one of their colleagues hadn't got the job I'd applied for, it was hardly my fault. They were the weirdest people I have ever worked with. Fast forward 10 years I was head of finance- new set of rules, no bullying was ever tolerated.

Following as I need a giggle!

That's great shoelaces! Best of luck with it

I hope to be starting a new job soon please god please. This thread is strangely making me feel better about any potential first day nerves!

On the first day of my new job I had to sit down with my new boss and explain that my ex husband had made a (vexatious, unfounded and untrue) complaint about me to my regulatory body.

Thank fuck, they kept me on and reg body weren't even interested in investigating the complaint, but it was soul destroying.

First day of new job, the US HR team 'forgot' to tell anyone in London that I was starting so arrived with no desk or laptop set up. Second day, spilled a can of coke all over a brand new MacBook Pro which promptly died.

TSSDNCOP if your name starts with a D, that might have been me! Although I did tell the new starter myself. I resigned the day she started...

Well I spent my first day on my first job with my uniform blouse buttoned up wonky. it was also too big and made me look pregnant.

Not first day, but after the first interview I backed into someone in the car park and caused £500 worth of damage. Luckily from another company, but it took the shine off my first wage packet after I got the job

First day as a hospital doctor, covering 100 patients across 6 surgical wards for 48 hours, got to midnight on the first day and one of the patients arrested and died.
As a teenage medical student, I’d dissected dead bodies in anatomy classes, but never had anyone die in front of me. Bit of a baptism of fire, but I went on to spend 36 years as a hospital doc. and loved the job.

About half an hour before I left for my first day at a new job I found out my exh was having an affair with my best friend. I drove to meet my new boss basically howling but pulled it together enough to go in. She put her hand out to say hello, and I went to Shake it, but as did, I don't know, the full horror of it all hit me and I actually threw up on both of our hands somehow...it was just awful.... it didn't get any better either...I failed my probation on top of everything else... not surprising as for the first three months I basically sat in the corner rocking .

These are great!
First day in my proper office job I asked permission to go to the toilet. They told me I didn't need to ask. Years of working in a supermarket definitely showed me up there

First office job at 18, temp filing in a payroll office. Old school filing cabinet with pull out metal racks of files, about 7foot high. Anyway had the bottom racks pulled out and the whole thing starts to tip over, if two very quick thinking men hadn’t dashed out their seats to grab it, me and the bloke infront of me would have been killed...mortified!

I once started a new office job in January, no one knew I was starting or seemed bothered to find out what I should do. They said I may as well scrub all the fake snow spray on the windows from Christmas off for them. Spent a whole morning as a glorified window cleaner then at lunch time walked out and never returned. They never called to find out what had happened to me!

My DH was asked to leave at the end if his first day in a new job at a recycling plant. The conveyor belt kicked off his chronic seasickness and he spent most of the day either being sick or on the loo!

These are great
I feel slightly better about my fuck ups now, could have been worse!

Being took to lunch first day with my boss and clients, caught my heel in a gap in the paving flags outside the reception, fell on my hands and knees and shouted fuuuuuccckkkk on the way down.

Not work, but first day at college. I had a pretty sheltered schooling, driven too and from school until I left. College was the first place I had to get to myself.

I paid full price for train ticket as I forgot my student pass. Then took a wrong turn walking from the train station to the college. Ended up walking in the completely opposite direction in a town I had never been to before. Luckily the college has 2 campuses so by the time I happened upon one (not the one I was meant to be at) I was in a right state balling my eyes out. I walked into reception and was instantly surrounded by the receptionists asking if I was ok, obviously thinking I had been mugged or something... I managed a quiet "I'm lost" and carried on crying. They ended up getting me a taxi (and paid for it) to get me to the other campus.

Now If I am going anywhere new I make sure I have a detailed journey planner and know where I'm going.

No, you’re in the clear Trinity. It was a tense few days, I’d taken a real risk in accepting the job and honestly thought I was a goner.

Rockerfeller, that's awful! Glad things turned out ok.

Fell down the stairs at an interview and had to be taken to hospital in an ambulance due to health and safety. They gave me the job. But I still have the weird lump on my leg 20 years later (Jesus that's depressing)

I give myself an extra hour to get to work whenever I start a new job these days. On one first day, traffic was so bad that I showed up half an hour late. I didn't have a phone number for the office so couldn't ring to explain. On another first day, I was on a train when it stopped and an announcement was made that a passenger had taken ill and we had to wait for an ambulance. Luckily, we pulled into a station so I could hop off and grab a taxi. I don't know if the person taken ill was ok. I hope so.