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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Biting child at nursery - how to handle

12 replies

happygirlie18 · 26/03/2018 16:46

Dd is nearly 2 and foes to nursery full time. For the most part she loves it there and we have no issues with the nursery.

A few months ago there was a stage where a particular child kept biting her, as well as other children I believe. Although annoyed I know there's not much they can do and they were speaking to the parents but at that age there wasn't much they could do. The other child moved to the next room and she hasn't been bitten since.

Dd is now due to move to the next room so had their first settling session today - and the same child has bitten her again! I know which child it is (found out by accident) and we see him in the mornings when waiting to go in and on a couple of occasions he has gone up to Dd and tried to slap/hit her before being pulled off by parents and Dd being pulled out of the way by me.

I feel I need to speak to the managers if the nursery as I'm not happy that on her first day in a new room this has happened but I have no idea if there is anything theu can actually do?

OP posts:

ZoeWashburne · 26/03/2018 16:50

YANBU! Biting is not only harmful, it is unsanitary and disgusting. I think you need to talk to the nursery and see how they are going to prevent this from happening again. If it is the same problem with the same child, you need to know specifically and exactly how they are going to prevent her from being hurt. You are not overreacting at all.

Honestly, I am surprised they haven't excluded a habitual biter. They did in my DC's nursery.

divadee · 26/03/2018 16:54

My daughter (14 months) has been bitten by the same child at childcare twice. I have also been on the other side of it when my eldest was a biter and its horrible on both sides.

Our childcare has been really proactive at separating them but not in an exclusion kind of way. Have your nursery said anything about how they plan to manage this? If they haven't I would have a meeting with them and ask.

strawberrypenguin · 26/03/2018 17:02

I solved it when DS1 had a similar issue with a particular child repeatedly biting him by meeting with the manager and area manager (I may also have lost my shit with the staff who handed over to me with a bitten child for the umpteenth time - not my proudest moment and I felt awful afterwards)

I used words like 'failing in safeguarding both children (Mine and the biter)
Asking what they would put in place to prevent it happening again

Not sure which bit worked but something did. DS wasn't bitten again.

Awwlookatmybabyspider · 26/03/2018 17:10

These things happen, don't they. Kids will be kids.

Awwlookatmybabyspider · 26/03/2018 17:12

I wouldn't dream of going in screaming and shouting like a banshee. The kids are play together a minute later.

5foot5 · 26/03/2018 17:19

I think it is just a phase. I remember when DD was about that age there was an outbreak of biting in her room at nursery.

She came home a couple of times having been bitten. Then briefly she herself became a biter. Thankfully that soon passed and then another child in the class started biting her. However, after a while they all grew out of it.

upsideup · 26/03/2018 17:22

If my 2 year old was repeatedly biting/ slapping/hitting others I would think they are not ready to be socialising that much with other children yet, the other children dont deserve to be regularly hurt by anyone.

childmindingmumof3 · 26/03/2018 17:25

The nursery need to be a lot more proactive about preventing the biting - they know this child is a biter so an adult should be supervising closely.

ParadiseCity · 26/03/2018 17:29

My child was a biter. Nursery allocated her a 1-1 person and moved her from baby room to toddler room where her victims were bigger and able to run away from her... it was a horrible time and a phase I am very glad has passed!!!

swingofthings · 26/03/2018 17:30

My kids went to an excellent nursery and I have met a number of teachers/nursery managers since I have kids. They have all said the same, no nursery can ensure that this won't happen. Even if they exclude the culprits, there is a first time for all the others.

Being bitten is clearly not nice and of course, staff should do everything to try to minimise it happening but unfortunately, it's part of life. My friend was a SAHM, but that didn't stop her youngest biting her eldest as soon as her back was turned quite a few times at a certain period.

My DD never bit anyone, but got bitten quite a few times. It didn't traumatise her in any way. DS was one of the culprit but then also the victim. It's horrible but I remember feeling a sense of relief, when the manager would ask to have a word with me and I knew it was about bites, and she would say that he'd been bitten rather than the other around. The first time (there were only a handful of time at most) he did it, the staff wouldn't tell me who it was, but the second I asked him, he told me bursting in tears, repeating sorry over and over. He of course had picked the daughter of the high school head! I was so embarrassed, went to him to apologise on behalf of my son, and after I'd finished, he just looked at me, smiled and said that his daughter had bitten her cousin only a week earlier!

It really is a horrible habit they go through!

childmindingmumof3 · 26/03/2018 17:39

You can't stop any biting ever, but nursery certainly can stop a known biter.

puddleduckmummy · 26/03/2018 17:43

My DS was bitten several times at nursery by the same child. She only bit him too, she grew out of it and now they adore each other. I just put it down to kids being kids. It never broke the skin or left a bruise and I trusted the nursery to deal with it with that child's parents which they did. It's hard when you aren't there to see what's occurring and have to trust the care givers but I'm sure they'll be aware and have a plan in place

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