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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To feel slightly miffed.....

39 replies

char187 · 26/03/2018 15:57

So I'm pregnant with 3rd dc. Not due until September.

Had a phone call from my mum earlier, she's been out for lunch today with my aunty. My aunty mentioned to my mum how she is expecting my 11 year old nephew to be godfather to my unborn child.

Now this isn't happening. Dc3 will be christened we are my other 2 dcs. My aunty is actually dds god mother. But I have no plans to ask my cousin to be. We already have one god father in mind, not sure if we will be having 2.

I got married last year and my aunty sent an email my myself, dh, my mum and dad, sister to ask if my cousin could have a part in the wedding as she didn't want him to feel left out. She basically asked if he could be a page boy. I explained to her that we weren't having page boys, ds is autistic and dhs son wasn't wanting to have a part in the wedding so on the boys side, no one was being anything. Which was fine with us, we didn't want the fuss. But I thought of a job my nephew could do and he was then portrayed a page boy on the day by my aunty even though he wasn't. I left it slide though was slightly annoyed at that. It looked as though we had left out own sons out of the wedding.

My cousin is an only child and I totally understand she wants my cousin to have family - she doesn't get on with her own family. She's married to my dads brother so not a blood relative.

They live 2 hours away and we don't really see them often. Once/twice a year.

So how do I handle this? I want a plan in place and have a while to think about it. The sad thing is, she probably will fall out with us for not asking him. They will most definitely get an invite to the christening but I don't really want my cousin to be a godparent.

OP posts:

RavenclawRealist · 26/03/2018 17:09

I would fall on the side of ignoring it until she says something to you. Hopefully your mums response will have put her off or if she mentions it to anyone else their laughter willl guide her to the stupidness of the idea! If she does mention a simple response that you have already decided on who you are having you don't need to justify it!

Original poster

char187 · 26/03/2018 17:16

Tbh, every time I speak to her she's fallen out with someone. Usually parents at cousins school. If there's any sort of fall out to do with my cousin and another child, she's straight in to see the head master and will always contact the child's parents. 9/10 times it's always something.

This a side, she has been there for me through a lot of hard times. I've confided in her a lot.

I'd just say the last couple of years we have drifted apart and it's me that's drifted. The whole wedding thing bugged me and a few months before that she made a comment about autistic children which hurt me as I have an autistic child.

My cousin is a lovely boy, well mannered etc....but not my child's god parent.

OP posts:

LynetteScavo · 26/03/2018 17:44

An 11yo can't be a God parent...such a role is for an adult.

Urubu · 26/03/2018 17:52

My godmother is only 15y older than I am and it was great, as a child and as a teen, to have an adult figure that was younger than my parents. I felt close to her and enjoyed seeing her but still respected her and her advice. My godfather was my uncle and I never had a close relationship with him, I just saw him as "old and boring" as he was the same age as my parents.
Not saying it applies to your situation OP though, just answering to what others wrote.

blackteasplease · 26/03/2018 17:58

In the Catholic church you don't have to be 18 but you have to have been confirmed. At least if you are the Catholic godparent which they need at least 1 of. Not sure how it works in the C of E (not sure which religion you are).

MereDintofPandiculation · 26/03/2018 18:10

It's not pedantry to point out the difference between being a godparent and being a guardian. The role of the godparent has evolved out of the role of a sponsor for a candidate for baptism (who might be a baby or a child or adult), and the godparent's job is to help educate the child in the beliefs of their religion.

mikeyssister · 26/03/2018 18:35

Is your cousin confirmed? If not then he can't.

Is your aunt likely to ask the vicar/rector/rabbi/priest how old godparents have to be if you tell her he's too young?

Original poster

char187 · 26/03/2018 20:19

Should of said it's C of E. He has definitely been baptised though thinking of it now, none of us were invited to his baptism lol. He hasn't been confirmed through as far as I'm aware.

OP posts:

Witchend · 26/03/2018 21:52

You don't have to be confirmed in c of e if Yu have had the equivalent in an approved denominations, I think.

I think I'd be inclined t leave it, but make sure on the invites it has the names of the Godparents.
So it isn't a shock to them, plus your invited family and friends know if she makes a scene at the time.

ShatnersWig · 26/03/2018 22:35

Thank you MereDint

mikeyssister · 27/03/2018 17:33

Certainly in C of I you can't be a godparent if you're not confirmed.

Urubu · 28/03/2018 07:52

@mikeyssister
My muslim friend was allowed to be a godparent to my DC at CofE. We had to explain our choice first of course but it was fine.

Fluffyears · 28/03/2018 08:47

I’ve never been christened, baptised or confirmed and I am godparent to two children. One catholic and one Church of Scotland.

mikeyssister · 28/03/2018 14:35

Think you need to talk to your Vicar OP

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