To be wary of work colleague

[Peachyfizz]

I feel like she might be a bit of a gossip. But when I came back from maternity leave she was lovely and friendly. She came for lunch with me the days i was in and we went out for food outside of work. I started dating someone at work and I feel she just wanted the gossip. Then me and this guy cooled things off and she seems to not want to go on lunches with me anymore. She hardly speaks to me at work now. I try just talk about general things but she doesn't seem interested in conversation.
She also said I'd rather be around old people than kids and I was the only one around with a child and she knows that.
Atm I have a harassment claim to someone else and I was quite down and upset. I confided in her. We had a work meal last week and when I turned up she was sitting opposite this guy. Chatting and laughing. AIBU to feel upset by This? And wary of her?
She admitted to me.she doesn't like to be left out of anything and likes to join in everything.

Stay far far away.

You seem to have real issues with your work colleagues.

You mention the harassment case almost every time you post.

I think you should leave your colleagues to get on with their jobs, and stop looking to see drama and issues everywhere.

You sound a bit paranoid to be honest. The old people/kids comment is ridiculous to have taken personally, and it's very unlikely she meant anything by it.
Also, you're not 5 years old anymore, you can't do the whole 'oh I don't like them so you can't speak to them either' thing regarding the man you've an allegation against.
While you may not feel the same, there's nothing inherently wrong with wanting to be involved in everything, some people are just sociable and extroverted.
I think you're having a tough time at work for other reasons and are 'looking' for problems, so to speak.

@Phosphurus

Are you confusing the OP with another poster? She has only posted a handful of times.

And her post about the man harassing her is very worrying.

I think you should ask for your post to be deleted as it's very unhelpful to the OP who clearly needs sensitive advice.

OP, this woman is not a friend, just avoid her now and keep things on a professional basis only. Don't tell her anything else about the harassment case.

Actually I would be wary of you and if I were your manager I would also be wary. I don't know how big your workplace is but you have a case against one colleague, dated and then finished with another and were freinds/socialising with another and are now accusing her of gossipping.

It can't all be "them". It might be better for all concerned if you kept a bit of distance and focussed on work.

You may not like that advice but it is sesnsible.

No, Lacucuracha, I recognised the OP and her issues straight away. Too much time spent on here .

The colleague mentioned in the opening post sounds perfectly reasonable and professional.

The OP assumes she's a gossip, in reality she's probably just wary of being drawn into the drama.

Lacucuracha the Op hasn't only posted a handful of times

I think you sound a bit paranoid. People love gossip it's human nature. My advice is don't ever speak to people you work with about other people you work with!

GreatDuck - searching OP's username only brings up 4 posts?

Did you copy and paste when you searched? There's a lot more than 4 posts

You seem to be having a lot of work issues op
The man harassing you
Being left out of secret Santa and work nights out
Making friends at work and then them gossiping about you
Dated and finished with another

Oh yea because I asked for the guy harrassing me. Spiking drinks etc. Oh yea and I certainly asked for the pic he sent me. Wary of me, I just want to do my work and yea it would be nice to have friends at work. She was the one asking me about stuff and it's only recently that i realised she weren't actually concerned about me but the gossip.

Thanks for supportive comments! I'm going through a really hard time with no one to talk to so sorry for using this place as a place to talk. This is what people.use this site for isn't it! So judgmental

Probably best to find a new job OP. This one doesn't seem like the best fit.

@Peachyfizz, this is a place to talk, but this is AIBU! You're being unreasonable. Leave your colleague alone, she can talk to someone just because you don't like them / have a HR case against them.

Maybe you're the real issue?

@Peachyfizz unfortunately when you post in AIBU you are most likely to get honest answers. Would you rather people just told you what they thought you wanted to hear? A site like netmums may be better suited to you if you want the softly softly approach. Nothing wrong with that however you won't find it here.

OP, it does sound like you are quite unhappy at work, you also seem upset by someone who you thought was a friend but they are just colleagues, not your friends. I wouldn't trust colleagues with anything personal or expect any loyalty from them. If you're feeling so distrustful and isolated would it be worth asking for a transfer .

You know how I avoid drama like this, I don't make 'friendly' 'friends' at work.
I treat everyone the same and I don't small talk with people who want to know more about me than anything work related.

Never shit were you eat OP it hardly ever never works out.

Tbh I'd probably actively avoid someone who seems to draw a lot of drama, the same way I'd avoid the gossip.

Maybe a new start would be a good idea?

I think it was probably a mistake to tell her about the harassment case. Maybe she feels uncomfortable about it for some reason.

As you only work two days a week I’d suggest you concentrate on your non-work friends and keep your head down at work.

The harassment claim should be strictly confidential between him, you and your manager, it shouldn't be discussed with other staff, you are both entitled to a fair hearing and no one should be drawn into it and be expected to take sides. Work places are often rife with gossip and Chinese whispers, it's best to keep well away from it. Try and talk to your manager in private or call ACAS helpline.

Op I kind of agree that a new approach is needed at work . I speak from personal and bitter experience that sex , gossip and work are a toxic mix !! Moving forward stay professional and make your friends and fun outside work for now . The people who say this will have learnt the hard way

I know it’s hard when you are a mum and work is your main social outlet . But still .... put it down as a lessons learned

OP you sound like you think you need work friends

You can have great professional relationships with people you never socialise with ever, in fact I think its easier to have good working relationships with colleagues you dont socialise with.

you seem to be repeating patterns. Getting very friendly with colleagues then its going wrong.

find another outlet for your social life and work on building good professional working relationships at work instead.

Some people can do work friends whilst still maintaining boundaries at work & not getting it all too intertwined but maybe you cant

I have a feeling that you’ve been very open and approached work with a positive and cheery attitude that everyone is who they seemed and everyone was just a best friend in waiting.

Sadly, work environments are not always like that, and your sunny attitude has slammed into a whole variety of people not quite so open and pleasant motivations and attitudes.

It’s time to learn from this. Become a bit more guarded and change your communication style and content to match the professional situation you are in - you need to protect yourself.

It’s time you learnt this lesson, you can’t keep expecting others to behave perfectly and then be shocked when others disappoint you.

You need to protect yourself, it starts and ends with you!

I’m kinda laboring the point because this is the second thread in just a few days where you’re upset and in a vulnerable position because you’ve overly shared and overly trusted someone. By keeping on reaching out and putting your fate in someone else’s hands, you are risking yourself repeatedly.

Time to learn that lesson!