Work bullies - are you one and why do you do it?

[flumpybear]

Off the back of a similar thread, are you, or have you bullied colleagues at work, and why did or do you do it?

We have a disgusting bully at work she's literally made 50+ people leave, had people off with stress, one person for nearly two years. She even hired a family members company to do work for the organisation which is totally against business rules but literally nobody does anything - I think it's because she manipulated and lied to everyone senior into her own little twisted ways - thankfully for me she has no affect or seniority on me

• any other experiences or better still are you like this and why the hell do you do it ?

I've been accused of being a bully. I'm not and never have been. The person accusing me was going through disciplinary for capability. I can only assume she thought this would somehow help her case. Sadly, I tend to raise an eyebrow at those who claim to be being bullied now.

DH was on the cusp of being accused by a colleague for "bullying" just because he asked her to perform the tasks she was expected to do in her job. He was not her boss. He had to step back from the situation and escalate to both his boss and her boss. This has coloured my opinion somewhat and each case has to be examined from both vuepoints.

Luckily for DH, all their interactions had taken place via conference calls and emails, so there were witnesses and a papertrail.

I work with a bully at the moment. She can be sweetness and light until you make her feel stupid - i.e., do a good job on something she doesn't know much about, get praised for something when she doesn't receive praise, come up with a new way of doing something when the 'old way has worked well for ten years'. That kind of thing.

Then she'll stop speaking to you and mutter or sigh whenever you say something. It creates a horrible atmosphere in the office.

It's at the point now where I'm walking on eggshells around her and pretty much don't speak at all when she's here, because I can't cope with the negativity thrown at me. I'm weeks away from moving to a new job and can't wait to get out of here.

Sorry for delayed response - yes I doubt bullies, real bullies would admit anything

Interestingly I think a lot of 'good managers' are accused if bullying as PP have said because they are telling people to do their bloody job, I do this myself, because it's the right thing to do so that the rest of the team don't have to compensate for other people being lazy etc

I think the way to do this well is to record everything in writing as a step by step process - albeit boring it helps in the process of confirming it's their under performance rather than you bullying
I had one person call our HR department to complain and they told her that I was just doing my job and the documentation trail and support from colleagues supported me rather than her - she left!

So much bullying is subjective though. Is it ok to bully a racist or are you just "calling him" on it? What about bullying a sexost pig who is "creepy"? Is it ok to shout at someone if they are breaking the rules? If they are in danger/ If they are putting someone else in danger??

Is it bullying or training to make someone do something over and over until it is right?

People often feel bullied but never think they are the bullies - it's a difficult question.

@SaveBandit wow my experience is nearly identical to yours!

My former boss was the director and we had no HR or no one I could go over her head to. Colleagues knew what she was doing to me and gave me wide berth and sometimes joined in with her! she would repeatedly humiliate me, give me tasks to do and demand a deadline but then give me double the workload so it was impossible for me actually do the work and meet said deadline then shout at me for being incompetent and then compliment colleagues saying they have no trouble doing their work (their workload was considerably less than mine). She would walk into the room I was in and stand there staring at me for half hour or longer. She also told staff members they must always come and tell her exactly what I was doing. Played favourites and always had someone to hate and when they left she moved on to someone else, her goal was to "get rid" of them and because I refused to be pushed out she got worse and worse with me. She also made remarks about my weight, and whenever I was off sick she accused me of faking it (despite witnessing me puking on one occasion) and I would get incessant calls off private number when I was off sick she even called my doctors surgery and pretended to be me, they got suspicious and said they would call back and phoned me and asked if I just called as they had a call asking how long I will be off sick refused me annual leave but let everyone else pick and choose (I had to have the dates that were leftover once staff had booked theirs) wouldn't ever give me a pay rise because "I don't work hard enough" despite doing 10 hour days and running myself into the ground so much I got signed off with exhaustion eventually (and numerous other health problems). I know she was fully aware of what she was doing because she had expressed to others she was worried I would tell someone outside of work and they would think she victimised me and she also reduced me to tears and sat there grinning like the Cheshire cat and carried on telling me how bad I was at my job and nothing I do is good enough. I could go on forever the list is literally endless, anyway I wrote down everything she was doing to me and took it to a solicitor who was shocked and said it was the worst case of workplace bullying he heard I tried to take it further but sadly I couldn't get funding for legal fees as it had recently changed and I didn't qualify for legal aid funding so I couldn't have gone after her but to this day I absolutely hate the woman and wish nothing but bad things happen to her for what she did. I think these people get off on the power their position gives them and I'm sure its a heady feeling to have some much power over people.

I think the way to do this well is to record everything in writing as a step by step process - albeit boring it helps in the process of confirming it's their under performance rather than you bullying

I'm not even sure that helps. A friend had a colleague who got about 25k in an out of court settlement because the person claimed that subjecting her to all the box ticking was in itself demeaning and a form of bullying. After she had left, it turned out that she had had similar settlements from two previous employers. She was either extremely incompetent and wouldn't accept it, or else she was very devious. Not sure which, to be honest.

I've been accused of bullying three times in the last 20 years as a manager. Obviously no substance to the complaints but left me rocking a little bit. One of them accused me of sex discrimination because I'd only hired women since I joined the company. HR investigated, found I had OK'd something like 50 CVs, only 5 men had applied and I'd said yes to all their CVs, interviewed 4 and 1 was a no show. Hired 1 male who then didn't start as he had a better offer. He said I'd left him out of meetings and had not offered him any training. The meeting he referenced to being left out of was to kick off a 3 month training course that he had been offered but declined. Sometimes there are reasons while people feel bullied, even if that is not the case. I was managing him, he was senior and I was asking him to deliver in his job role to a senior level, as that was what was in his contract.

In the flip side, I have been bullied. And discriminated against, over and over. I have a disability and that is when my career fell off a cliff and I can't even hold down a job anymore.

I don’t think you’ll get many replies admitting “yes, I am”. However, I have worked with managers who have bullied others and feel under pressure because of it. I have recently taken on a new role and was looking forward to working with the head of department, but sadly she left due to to the stress caused. I have been feeling very wary of my line manager ever since I found out. No idea why they do it. Probably because they want to blame someone else when they don’t hit their targets.