How do I deal with boss who can be a bitch?

[MrsMaxwell]

So new boss and new role for me but same company so to speak.

A week in I was in the toilets crying on friday

There are a lot of tasks I haven’t done before which I have seen others do but she has completely changed, explains once then gets impatient and really quite shitty when you ask for further clarification - she is worse in the mornings

Friday morning I got into the office (wasn’t feeling that well either) and she basically ripped apart a job I had been tasked with (which I had never done before so did my best but there was no one available to ask and I phoned her and emailed her to check a few things out and she wasn’t available) in front of other staff (I am part of management team).

So next time do I ask her if she would like to go somewhere private or just ask her not to speak to me like that?

I am so crap when I feel attacked

She sounds horrid. I would ask to speak to her in private and explain that you found her manner quite intimidating and in future you'd appreciate her speaking to you in private about any problems.

I know I need to do this I am too fucking nice

Pretend you’re her boss and channel and air of quiet authority and calmness because you have the situation in control. You have every situation in control. Even the problems, because you know you can deal with them. Quietly say “shall we just take this into the office jane” and then you start walking towards the office before she gets a chance to answer. When you do get her alone take the lead and tell her you’ve noticed she seems quite frustrated and ask if there a problem she needs to talk about.

But don’t be smug or arsed about it. Be as genuine as you can muster or she will see right through it and come back on you even worse.

arsey

ZibbidooZibbidooZibbidoo

Oh I think I love you

Oh god, I’ve been there. Honestly I would say to talk to HR ASAP before she starts destroying your confidence. You shouldn’t have to work with someone who behaves this way. Of course you can’t work efficiently while walking on eggshells and second guessing every decision you make.

I was abused as a child so when I feel attacked my brain goes into panic mode and I can’t function in adult mode.

I have had some counselling and Intell myself “adult adult adult” but it’s really hard as if I said what I thought when I was a child I got beaten.

I felt like such a twat going to the loo to cry.

So when she approaches you take some deep breaths and get yourself a chant. Something positive to focus your thoughts and quell your feelings of anxiety. Something like “I am in control, I am in charge” the reality is that although she is your boss she isn’t in charge of how you respond to her or how you feel. You get to decide that. She can be as bitchy as she likes, you get to decide how you deal with that. I agree with speaking to HR and keeping a record of everything as well but you can also deal with it on the ground by remaining calm and seemingly unshaken. Even if you are inside. Be a swan on the surface.

have you got a union? if so join it.
zippity has a good idea - i like it.

the truth is if they are a twat - they aren;t going to get better

as a subordinate you are unlikely to get the support from HR.

you should keep a diary. e-mail yourself at home incidents with dates and times.

look for another job - but whilst you are looking - protect yourself, do the diary, make yourself familiar with the grievance policy and the disciplinary policy and remember that HR are there to protect the organisation - not you.

I am in a Union.

I really love my job.

I think I just need to find some way to stick up for myself

Oh op I'm sorry she is being like this and it's causing the bad memories to re surface

Have a name for her in your head. A name that suits her. Every time she's a bitch, chant the name in your head and smile.

I've always been too fucking nice too until my new friend pointed it out that I was being walked all over by other friends.

I've since grew a pair and am enjoying standing up for myself more.
You've suffered enough already. No more.

She may be intimidated by you. Who knows? Just remember that she is not worth crying over

Zibbiddido's responses are excellent
Go with that

speak to your union rep so they are aware - if more people come forward - THE rep can go talk with senior management or HR or contact someone from a regional office to do so

tell the rep

@ MrsMaxwell I think next time this happens you need to take a deep breath, stay calm and say to her "look I understand you're frustrated but I'm still learning this but you getting angry at me isn't helping the situation." At least then you have tried to address the issue and if things don't change you can then get HR involved. I also think you need to keep a notebook with you and start documenting this down, dates, times exactly what was said and who was there just in case this gets worse and write exactly how it made you feel. Years ago I was severely bullied by my boss and she was so sneaky and passive aggressive by the time I realised what was happening my confidence had taken a massive nosedive and I couldn't see a way out. I did document it all down and took it to solicitor who was shocked and said it was the worst case of workplace bullying he has ever heard of.

Sounds to me like you have not been provided with proper training.

Make a list of the areas YOU think are missing the Raise it with her proactively:
these are the areas I need assistance with, can I schedule in a meeting to get fully up to speed, who are the best people to talk to regarding xyz tasks.
Most key: have I missed anything, then if she has a go in future, your response can be just 'I'll add this one to the training list shall I?

For bonus points you suggest you use the training to prepare an onboarding document so the next person in your position has a process to follow.

Witchcraft.