Sick of attitudes around invisible disabilities

[InvisiblePrejudice]

There’s so much more awareness of hidden/invisible disabilities now yet all I seem to encounter is ignorance

-‘he looks fine’
-‘he was fine when I saw him’
-‘but he did x that day so can do it every time’

Wtf? This isn’t even just random people it’s those who should know better (school I’m looking at you).
Why are people so ignorant and disbelieving? Do you have to have limbs hanging off before you are believed ? I’m sick of it

Daily I'm the same and I'm 50. There's a wheelchair for sale on a local selling site which would greatly enhance my life but I can't buy it because of all the judgmental people that would raise their eyebrows because they've seen me walk to the local shop, two minutes away

Slutty just get the wheelchair. I know people can be wankers but if it greatly enhances your life that’s really sad not to.

I've had arthritis for most of my life which people don't believe. I'm too young. I don't look ill, I seemed fine on a night out. Always get a raised eyebrow and a hmmmm if I mention it. So I rarely bother.

Though every stranger in the world seems to think it's ok to come up to me and say did you hurt your back or some thing, you have a bit of a limp. I've not resorted to telling them fuck right off.

I had to take a prolonged absence I work due to a flare up and when I came back I was brought to a disciplinary hearing. They asked me what I could do to stop the arthritis. I spoke of self care and self management and explained how even with the best of management people still get flares but they said no, what could I do to stop the arthritis itself from existing, can not cure it.

I felt like saying aye, hang on a fucking second while I get out my chemistry set and throw some cures together....

of cause yanbu, Op.

but in my experience, only those who are directly affected care. Even friends who know our situation are often incredibly judgy of others but tell me generously that of cause their criticism doesn't apply to DD (ASD/learning diffs). One can only dispair.

I really don't bother with people and their comments & attitudes anymore. The only way to survive is to grow a rhino skin and remind oneself that ignorance is largely invisible too! pl

I understand. My 11 year old has aspergers syndrome but the amount of people who say that because he hasn't got severe learning difficulties, non verbal and incontinence then he's not "properly autistic" and we must be "doing it for the money", whatever that means, making it all up to get the lowest rate of DLA I assume. My 3 year old has more severe problems but apparently he just needs " proper discipline " so I can't win. And if any tiny thing that's good happens to us that non disabled people don't get like a free carers ticket on a day out or even a support group that we pay to attend then I get "it's alright for some" and "it's not fair" from parents of able bodied children. If it's so great why do pregnant women say "as long as its healthy" rather than "I hope it has autism so we don't have to queue at Alton towers".

I would give up every fibre of my being to make my son neurotypical. I am absolutely terrified of the future as he is a pent up ball of misery and unhappiness and anxiety and worry and depression. There is not a thing anyone can do and I love him so very much I feel everything he feels. Not an hour goes by when I don’t hate myself for bringing him into the world.

”doing it for the money”

Yep. Been accused of that too....it was getting dangerously into FII territory too I was terrified as I’ve been fighting for support yet to be faced with that insinuation was awful.

My dad is deaf and because he’s on long term hormone treatment plus a ton of other poisons for his prostate cancer, cannot walk far. The looks he gets when I ask people for a seat on the bus or tube for him! They say, “ he looks alright to me” and “why, what’s wrong with him?” None of your fucking business but the fact if you don’t stand up for my 71 year old frail father is likely to fall on you!!

TfL do a “please offer me a seat” badge but really, it shouldn’t come to that. My dad is in his seventies and doesn’t like making a fuss, but I‘m not so subtle.

Most people are really ignorant about disability. I have autism and bipolar, and my DS has autism, dyspraxia and ADHD and I have to hide it from most people as I'm terrified we'd get reported for claiming PIP/DLA. But I do make use of free carer entry, my Freedom Pass and railcards etc, so sometimes they do realise and make catty comments about various autistic celebrities/TV characters being able to do stuff so why can't we. I think it doesn't help that there's so much distortion in the media about the ability of autistic people (only 15% of autistic people work full time, but you wouldn't think it from all the press and TV).

I just try to hide it now, and don't discuss disabilities unless it's with someone who might know more about it because they have a disabled family member etc. Funnily enough we've had more hassle from regular people, but we've had no issues getting professionals and DWP/SS to understand our needs - DS got fast tracked to an EHCP which names a special autism school, we both get consultant level NHS care and are on the top rates for disability benefits. As far as I'm concerned, that's more than enough 'proof' of our disabilities for me so I don't see the point in wasting time worrying about what random people think.

My DS has become more ‘noticeably’ disabled with age. I’m not sure why.

No benefits here though. He’d probably be entitled if he applied but he won’t because in his mind he isn’t disabled. And so I have to give him money on top of everything else. Bloody wonderful!

Not that I mind. It’s just expensive sometimes.

My friend has very invisible disabilities but they cause enough issues for her to use a wheelchair around 40% if occasions, another 30% of the time she is confined to a chair indoors or bed (due to severe pain) and on rare occasions she can walk. She will walk at times when she should use her wheelchair or other aid because she is 39 and she wants to be like other people who are 39.

It's led to loads of accusations from her family and people who know her that she is milking the system....she isn't. I did her last PIP form as I work as a Carer to her 10 hrs a week (another Carer does 34hrs a week). I've known her 10 years and in the last two years her mobility has massively decreased.
I suggested she ask for PIP reassessment and they awarded her enhanced rate mobility so she has a shiny new car with a boot big enough to take her wheelchair. The fuss this has caused is appalling and makes me really angry as it seems they feel I have lied on her PIP form...I didn't, I said it as it was and sent in medical evidence AND she was seen by a face to face assessor too.

You can't see pain.
You can't see osteoarthritis in the spine and other joints.
You can't see severe mental health issues.
You can't see incontinence.

Does my head in to hear people dismissing her issues.

I get this all the time. I've been confronted before using a disabled parking space so I took my prosthetic leg off and asked if that helped them understand my disability. Been very tempted to bop people on the head with it but I think that would be quite careless!

My DD has ADHD. I have Crohn's.
A now-ex 'friend' have DD a maths book, complete with test papers for one of her birthdays when she was in primary school, the suggestion being that she simply needed to work harder.
Another delightful school mum sent me an anonymous letter through the post, accusing me of being a hypochondriac, who feigned illness to get my husband running around after me.

Not a disability to compare with any of these, but I'm still furious, years later. Management team awayday, manager has just got into line dancing and decides to give us all a taster. I have stress incontinence so nip to the loo to avoid everyone's embarrassment. It really was a taster - they're just finishing 5 mins later when I come back. Manager takes me aside and says my Absence Was Noted. So either a black mark against my career, or I have to share the details of a very private problem. Fuck him.