AIBU or is it a fair ask?

[ColourfulOrangex]

My DS goes to his other parents every other weekend and for longer during the holidays.

His Father doesn't contribute towards anything - owes lots through CMS

Contact has been regular now for over 6 months

I have told him I will no longer be sending clothes as I feel he should have some there for DS.

If he paid towards his sons care I would send them but I feel he can at least buy some clothes for when he is at his house.

Is this unreasonable??

Yes it's unreasonable. You're effectively punishing your child for his father being an arse. Yes it sucks, but find another way to deal with the father not paying that doesn't impact on your son.

Not unreasonable OP in itself.
Is your ex likely to make a big thing of it in front of your ds?saying something like "you've nothing to wear because mummy couldn't be bothered about you "..?.(.Please understand that is not what I think!)
Just thinking he might do this and upset your dc.
If you think he will just accept it as being fair enough then go a head.
I hope he pays up soon OP.

I agree with the pp. You are in danger of messing up a contact arrangement that is working well. This will only impact on your son.

I understand what you mean about impacting my son and I don't want that I just think he should have things there, when I was younger and went to stay at my dads he had clothes for me there pyjamas etc

He has just told me he will ring social services if I don't send clothes, his answer to everything unfortunately

I will send them if I have to but I just thought his dad should have some there

If he rings SS, what does he think will happen? What an arse!
Does he send the clothes back at the end of the visit? If he does, I'd let it go. At the same time, I'd be investigating ways of upping the pressure about the maintenance. Can the CMS do anything or are they pretty much toothless?

What on earth does he imagine social services would do? There is no obligation for one parent to provide supplies for the other. Ex has some clothes he has bought the kids for his house and I have some for them at mine. There is a degree of swapping here and there when they come home in something from his one time but t all comes out in the wash.

If you decide to send clothes, I’d send the same two outfits each time. Then any photos he takes will all look the same if he is the type to play dad of the year.

CMS have had a deduction of earnings in place for about a year but he manages to get out of it by changing details etc, currently owed over £3000

No, only one outfit will come back and he always tells me he forgets it DS also refuses to wear any clothes that I send to his dads whilst at home if that makes sense? Say I sent him in a tracksuit he would hen refuse to wear that tracksuit at home (a lot went on with his dad)

Social services are his answer to everything, either that or to take me back to court

I don't want it to impact on my son so I will continue to send clothes just don't see how he can't provide a couple of outfits for DS to stay at his house

Does his father not have the clothes which he hasn't sent back, which your son can wear?

My ex never paid maintenance, came up with different excuses every time. Chose not take him through csa as knew it would only caused him to be more angry and skint and that would impact more on the kids than him not paying did.

DD and DS took everything to their dad EOW, even including tooth brushes! Sad, but I would never have punished them by saying they could take what they wanted risking to be dressed in old clothes, too small or too big or whatever else.

Yeah I had to send a toothbrush and toothpaste etc as he refused to buy him one, I suppose at least if I send it I know I've done what's best for my son

He sounds like an utter bastard and a terrible parent (and an awful ex). But if you join in, he sounds like the type who will get worse, not better. Send clothes.

The not wearing clothes at yours is weird though.

@MrsTerryPratchett I know I thought it was weird when he done it but he hates going and will kick off every time so I think it's to separate the two

He is all of those

I will send clothes as I don't want my son to suffer