Ten years ago I met my friend when she became my next door neighbour. We have supported each other through many things and whilst she is a lovely person and I think means well there have been several incidents that have made me think twice about her. I have cut slack because she has an alcoholic mother who is a nightmare but the truth is she can't keep jobs and has been sacked from the last 4 she has held, she hasn't really got any friends apart from me and one other person she met at work and doesn't appear to be able to keep friendships. She has cut her sister off dead for years now. She has always earned much more than me but is overly extravagant with birthday/Christmas gifts and it has made me feel uncomfortable as they are given with a sense that it must be reciprocated. I repeatedly asked her to tone it down and put a limit of gift spending which she ignored.
Everything has to be the way she wants it and whilst she can be v thoughtful there is always a sense of 'you will have what I want you to have' rather than what I would actually like.
Last year I was going through a difficult situation at work that ended up going to an employment tribunal. I had run through all my sick pay and was living on literally a few pounds each week. She had taken me out for my birthday and bought gifts and the following month was her birthday. I explained to her that I was expecting a settlement agreement and that when the money came through I could buy her a gift then but was sorry that until then, I was a bit stuck. She said fine and said she wanted a bottle of perfume that cost £120 fo her birthday. She then made reservations at a really expensive restaurant in town for herself, me and this other friend (think over £100 per head w/o booze) and I explained to her days before that I would be unable to attend. She said she would pay but I didn't want to be treated like a charity case or be placed under yet more obligation to reciprocate. She ignored this and on the day of her birthday (I sent her a card and used some savings to buy the perfume and other gifts to post to her) she tried to force the restaurant issue again and laid it on thick. I stood my ground and said sorry I can't make it and I told you this days ago and she then cut me dead.
I sent messages asking how she was, wishing her Happy Christmas, Happy New Year etc and got nothing in return and then last week, she wanted to meet for dinner so I agreed to meet up. Dinner was civil and friendly enough and I found out she had lost another job (she works as a personal assistant for very wealthy people) etc. I made a point of paying for dinner as she had paid for my birthday dinner. She also bought Christmas presents along of kitchen items (storage containers and teatowels) which threw me a bit.
At the end of the evening, as I walked her to the station, she told me the reason we had 'lost touch' as she euphemistically called it (no, you cut me off!) was that she had been upset that I didn't attend her birthday dinner. I explained about the money aspect and that I didn't want to be placed under obligation or in a difficult position because I couldn't reciprocate. She said that her paying for things in the past hadn't been a problem (that really annoyed me!) and I had to remind her that we always had taken turns to pay for dinner etc and I had always paid her back for any money she spent on me so it wasn't fair to say she always paid and it just struck me that the reason she had cut me dead all this time was because she was sulking. She wasn't alone on her birthday as her other friend turned up but she said she only knew the other woman was going at the last minute and she could have been alone on her birthday and that I should have gone in case the other woman was a no show.
TBH, that left me feeling really cold. If she had said to me that she had been having problems with her mum or was depressed because of what was happening at work or similar, then I think I could have accepted that but to realise that it was just because of a huge sulk over a dinner that I had told her I could not attend with plenty of notice and she had tried to railroad/guilt trip me into going without listening to what I was saying to her about money etc at the time it just left me feeling cold. She has texted a few times and I answered back in a very desultory way but it isn't the same.
I feel bad because I have friends and I tend to keep friendships and nobody I know behaves like that and it has come as a shock to me to realise how much I have changed in regard to this friendship being cut off. I don't know whether to give it another chance or let it go. I don't hate her or anything but I don't feel the same and I wouldn't have behaved like that. Am I being harsh?