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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Friend on ex's facebook - would it upset you?

20 replies

theduchessstill · 24/03/2018 20:59

The 3 of us met at the same time, but when he and I divorced due to his infidelity she was very much team me. He blocked her at the time of the split when he found out she was using f'book to pass on incriminating details to me.

This was all about 4 years ago and I know for a fact she has not seen him since, nor would she ever. Today, following a difficult day of 'shared parenting', I went on his f'book for the first time in forever. I was shocked to see her named as liking several of his posts over the last few months. They were all non-personal 'right on' political ones, but it has shaken me a little. Our divorce has been acrimonious and he has been a shit towards me and not the greatest dad to our dc, who I know my friend is very fond of. So it feels disloyal.

I'm not active on f'book and only use it as photo storage, which my friend obviously knows. AIBU to feel upset?

OP posts:

5plusMeAndHim · 24/03/2018 21:06

Don't be so ridiculous.Because you fall out with someone, you can't expect all your frinds to fallout with them too? How old are you? 10?

Original poster

theduchessstill · 24/03/2018 21:10

A divorce caused by infidelity, with children involved, isn't 'falling out' with someone. Are you 10?

OP posts:

Mymycherrypie · 24/03/2018 21:13

I am friends with all my friends exes on FB, because they are too. All this unfriending, refriending, telling people who they can and can’t speak to, what they can and can’t like stuff is a bit childish.

Brakebackcyclebot · 24/03/2018 21:13

She is entitled to comment on anything she likes. You are entitled to feel whatever you want about that.

Stop looking at his FB profile. Nothing good will come of that.

MrsG841 · 24/03/2018 21:14

You met at the same time and just because you got divorced you expect her to lose a friend? Rather childish don't you think

Bundlesmads · 24/03/2018 21:16

I think you would be silly to kick a fuss up over this. If things are very difficult it could be good to have a neutral go between you can trust.

Original poster

theduchessstill · 24/03/2018 21:17

Oh ffs why are people calling me childish ? She isn't his friend, she hasn't seen him in years. So why would someone talk on the phone and sympathise about how incredibly lax a parent someone had been, and then go on f'book and like that person's posts?

OP posts:

Callamia · 24/03/2018 21:18

I know what this feels like. Ten years later, I still smart slightly that anyone would want to be friends with this aggressive, controlling, all round dick - but people do. Same situation as you, people we met at the same time, who I consider to be my
friends, who were wonderful friends when we split up. They don’t have him over for Sunday lunch or send him Christmas cards, but they occasionally reply to one of his posts about something fairly innocuous. It always surprises me a little, but life moves on. It doesn’t mean they are any less loyal to you, it’s just meaningless.

Mymycherrypie · 24/03/2018 21:22

Clicking like on a post is not the same as endorsing him and all he stands for. It’s not the same as picking him over you. It’s not the same as agreeing with the way he treated you. It’s just seeing a post and thinking “I like that”

TheSockGoblin · 24/03/2018 22:21

For you to know she has liked several of his posts over 'months' surely you had to do quite a lot of looking? Going into each post and seeing who had liked each one?

I don't think that this is healthy, especially as four years have passed since you split. I think that going onto his FB page after a difficult day co-parenting was never going to make you feel any better.

I don't think she has been disloyal at all.

DrunkUnicorn · 24/03/2018 22:26

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

holasoydora · 24/03/2018 22:27

I know what this feels like too. I was quite surprised. But I agree with a pp that it is essentially meaningless and I no longer think about it.

holasoydora · 24/03/2018 22:29

Ps I definitely don't think you are being childish by feeling hurt by it though. And it isn't the same as 'falling out' with someone at all.

GreenTulips · 24/03/2018 22:30

Well if you just use it for photos I'd suggest you find another storage device

If she likes your posts - he can see those.

Reduce what she sees and tighten your security and then forget about it

WorraLiberty · 24/03/2018 22:32

But if you have him as a friend on FB, why shouldn't she?

NWQM · 24/03/2018 22:32

It would. I get totally that ideally it shouldn't. But yes it would upset me too.

frasier · 24/03/2018 22:38

Yes, I'd view it as disloyal. And yes, it would upset me.

She's entitled to do what she likes of course and you are entitled to not like it.

Hippee · 24/03/2018 22:39

Our best man's ex requested a friendship on Facebook and both DH and I ignored. Although best man is not on Facebook we did not want to be friends with her at all. Other mutual friends are Facebook friends though, which I find odd.

I am friends with some people I don't really like anymore though - I like to keep an eye on them, but I wouldn't like or comment.

whatisausername · 24/03/2018 22:41

Are you 5? Stop being so pathetic

NellMangel · 24/03/2018 22:50

I hate Facebook. This is a common thing, people regard their own facebook usage as superficial, but regard everyone else's as declarations of friendship.

Im not above such thinking myself, so I stay off it. If she's a good friend in real life please don't let stupid Facebook sour your opinion x

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