To ask for positive adoption stories

[Littleredboat]

I know there’s an Adoption board but it doesn’t get shown in Active and as per my post below, I suspect the people I’m trying to reach aren’t reading it much.

We are considering adoption, we have been doing so on and off for many years.

I have been spending a LOT of time reading adoption forums, and they are full of stories of placement breakdown, extreme behaviours, family breakdown, violence etc.

I KNOW all children coming into care have experienced loss and trauma to various extents. Please don’t think I am not grasping this because I am. I know you cannot ever guarantee what needs your child will end up having and you must be prepared for the worst, that’s why I’m reading them. Over and over. I absolutely promise this isn’t a rose tinting exercise.

But I also suspect that people mostly post on forums when stuff is going wrong. Or when faced with extremes. Most of us don’t post the every day things going right in our lives. So I suspect that the forums are skewed more towards that end of things.

So I am asking: is there anyone out there who has a positive adoption story you could encourage me with please, to redress some sort of balance in my mind from the “inevitable apocalypse” place I feel in at the moment?

Thank you

Claire your post really resonates with me because my 14 year old came to us at age one and she is so like me it's unbelievable, much more so than my 3 bio dc. She is very like my (bio) ds too. I forget that my youngest two are fostered most of the time, they are just my much loved dds.

DH and I have 2 adopted DDs, now 9 (next week) and 6. They're also birth sisters, both of whom came to live with us aged 1. There have been a lot of challenges and DD1 in particular has demonstrated challenging behaviour (Attachment Disorder), but they're both very well bonded with us.

I wouldn't say we forget they're adopted, because DD1 in particular is asking a lot of questions right now. But I can't imagine having a closer bond with children I'd given birth to.

Thank you all, these stories are wonderful to read. Again, I’m not looking to negate the difficulties. The difficulties are very much in my mind, believe me! But it’s lovely to read all your positive experiences alongside them.

Hi. Adoption has been positive for us. We have two adopted children, adopted separately and not siblings.

There are definitely difficult daysbut that's not unusual. First weeks in both cases were the worst for us as they didn't understand why they were with us instead of their foster carers. ( our dd was 14 months old and our ds was 7 months ) and they just cried and cried whilst they grieved for them. L.p.But we are 8 years in with our daughter now. She has FASD so that makes our life more challenging.

But are we happy? Yes. Are they happy? Yes. Are we glad we did it?. Yes.

Of course we have the teenage years to come but so far so good.

We adopted a sibling pair around 11 years ago.
First 8 years were delightful. Last 3 years has been very tricky with our elder teen, but we are hanging on in there and hope we'll come out the other side intact. Youngest is still all good.
Our children have brought a lot of joy to our lives and despite our current difficulties I am glad we did it.

Thank you, again, it’s really helpful to hear your stories.

Also: you’re all bloody marvellous. So there x

I was adopted as a newborn in the late eighties/early nineties. I was given up for adoption by a young teenager who had hidden her pregnancy until the very end.

I couldnt have asked for a better start in life. My parents are the best people I’ve ever known in every single way and they love me with all their hearts. I was also very fortune to be able to experience a lot of things growing up, horse riding music lessons foreign holidays etc.

I was fostered while the adoption was organised by a couple who I still get a Christmas card from every year.

I forget I’m adopted all the time. I did reach out to my biological mother a couple of years ago but it was so ask for a revised medical history as the one I had was 25ish years behind. That’s the only thing that’s ever been a negative factor to me. The Drs ask if I have any family history of XYZ and I can’t answer.

The only other negative to my situation is that I have a non biological sibling adopted after me and in similar circumstances to my own adoption that I just don’t get along with. They would not be someone I would choose to have in my life although I’m aware that’s not at all unusual in bio sibling relationships.

I think it's really lovely that you're deciding this I'd love to adopt and give a little boy/girl a loving home.
I don't have any experience but i just want to wish you luck.
My aunt however did adopt a 13 year old girl who grew up close to her but because my aunt didnt let her eat chocolate she decided to venture out on her own for her own freedom. She doesn't see her at all now and my aunt is gutted. She gave her love, care, horses, a career etc and she shoved it back in her face.
(ill add about the chocolate thing. She adopted her and she was morbidly obsese so my aunt cut it out entirely.)

We adopted our dc 3 years ago. They were aged 7 and 5 then so on the older side, but we want d older children as so much more is known about them. The home study and prep courses were fine, you have to not mind talking in front of people really. I'm a teacher so not bothered about that but it was hard for some of the others on the course. The worst part is when you have been approved as adopters (relatively easy) but waiting to be matched with a child or children (horrible). We were called by our agency the day after being approved and told they had 2 girls aged 18m and 4. We were so excited but they didn't get a placement order so could not be adopted. A few months later another SW contacted us from a different part of the country and told us about the 2 that we have now adopted. Then it all happened quite quickly, but people from our prep group who wanted babies were waiting longer.

Our children have no learning or physical needs but do have emotional ones. They were in a very chaotic birth family surrounded by drug use and alcohol abuse, as well as having a known sex offender staying there and drugs being sold from the flat. My daughter has almost certainly been sexually abused. We knew all this when we went to panel but we felt we could cope with it. 3 years on they are pretty settled, are doing very well at school and have lots of friends. They have a good relationship with us and have grandparents who adore them. We could not be happier and even though we have some tough times, I would not change a thing. Feel free to pm me if you want to talk more.

Is this how I thought my life would look? No.

Do I think I’m lucky to have my DCs? Yes.

Knowing then what I know now, would I do it all over again? Some days 😀

Did I also spend hours reading forums before I did it looking for people to tell me it’d be okay? Yes.

Normal is just a different kind of normal. It’s not a bad normal, it’s just not like other people’s normal.

Don’t do it if you’re not certain of your partner (if you have one) or your own resilience. You’ll have to dig deep often.