AIBU- is this too much activities for my 8 year old ?

[stuckintheblastingsnow]

Ahem... Had a disagreement with a certain somebody.

My loveable and funny DS2 (8) has Autism, articulation disorder, language difficulties and Dyspraxia (well strong dyspraxia tendencies, they refused to diagnose him as his ASD is paramount).

My DS is funny, quite articulate, has a strong interest in science, swimming, karate, Manga, Lego and robotics. However, he struggles socially, emotionally and his articulation difficulties are starting to effect his school work.

DS goes to a Lego club (therapy) (run by a speech and language therapist, with children similar to him) which helps and supports children with their social and language skills. He does this once a week.

He attends a swimming class. Again, once a week.

We occasionally go to the park too.
Though on Saturdays, which is our busy day. He does fortnightly speech therapy, football and Occupational therapy.

Someone that I know of, not really well, said that DS does too much and that I should leave him be and let relax at home. Honestly, it’s the therapy stuff that is taking a lot of our time. I could leave the therapy out but this would be detrimental to DS. His language difficulties are starting to have an impact on his academic work (I was thinking of also getting a tutor but I fear this would be too much for what he does).

DS tells me many times that “he wants friends but doesn’t know how to make friends”. To help with this, I thought him attending Lego group would help with this, meeting children similar to him, to develop social skills, language and friendships built around Lego. He really enjoys the group.

He attends Swimming and football for the social side of things and Occupational therpay for his dyspraxia and handwriting.

I just don’t know what to do. I think it’s importent for a child to stay at home and relax but I fear, when DS reaches adulthood, If his difficulties still persist(I know he would always have Autism and his other conditions) he will find it difficult to navigate around the world. I want to give him as much skills as possible, so when I’m dead, he will be able to get on.

But it’s so hard. What should I do ?

Does the person who made the comment have any recognised medical qualification or 10 years experience teaching primary children with similar difficulties? If not, why would you take any notice?

If you are worried, perhaps ask your occupational therapist. Have you asked your DS2 what he thinks? Does he show signs of meltdown on your busy days? Or more meltdowns than usual?

If it is too much for him, I think it would probably show.

I’m usually on the ‘stay home and have some downtime’ side of this debate but I think here you have a very specific situation where structured time is really beneficial to your son. I would be led by him in this - if he’s enjoying it and it’s helping then carry on.

Sounds alright to me. My 8 year old does: swimming, 2x sports classes, 1x social activity/club, 1 school-run club and a once-per-month ad hoc activity sometimes.

If your DS is not complaining then it’s OK. Structured activities are great for kids with social issues, when encouraging play dates or whatever would be harder.

Plus, I wouldn’t take advice off

Someone that I know of, not really well

Nope, no meltdowns during our busy days. Actually, he enjoys it very well ! The person does know of DS difficulties but still thinks DS is doing too much !

It’s a difficult one.

If you set aside the therapeutic activities (which are a different kind of thing), it’s just a swimming lesson and football. Not excessive in the least.

DS2 (also 8) has far more activities each week and still managed to spend quite a lot of time lounging around the house watching minecraft YouTubers/playing videogames.

He does:

1. piano lessons (at school),
2. after school netball
3. cubs
4. swimming club twice week
5. before school taekwondo
6. Snowboarding
7. Surfing (not in freezing cold weather though - we’ll probably start going again after Easter)

And he goes to breakfast club and afterschool club (the childcare kind) 3 times a week each.

One of his friends is genuinely overscheduled. He does a minimum of two outside school activities every day, often more. Some days he has an activity before school and 3 activities after school. I was trying to arrange to have him over to play just after Christmas and his mum said it would need to be in the Easter holidays because he’s so busy every day.