Bully- what to expect from teachers

[FrogsLegs14]

Hello,

First post on here- I’m just looking for advice on how to deal with a bully problem at school. My daughter is in Y1, 6 years old. She’s a sweet and gentle little thing, incidentally also the smallest in the class. She has a few friends I think but is also naturally a bit of a loner- she’s very happy in her own little world. At the beginning of the year her teachers reported that she was showing signs of anxiety and having meltdowns in the classroom. This isn’t like the girl we know. They put it down to the change and step up from reception. We kind of accepted that but it didn’t entirely marry up as she’s quite robust and flexible in her home life. I’ll also add that getting her to tell us what’s going on at school is like getting blood out of a stone! Yesterday was a school trip. Today a parent helper came to see me to tell me of some bullying that she witnessed- another little girl being very aggressive and threatening (in language you wouldn’t expect a 6 year old to use) to my daughter. This parent has independently logged the issue with the school and the headteacher has emailed her to say she will be talking to the class teacher. I’m just wondering where we go from here. In my mind I’m wondering if this has been going on for a while, and is the cause of her anxiety at school. I’m cross that they haven’t picked up on it, but also trying to keep that under control as I can’t be sure- it might just have been an isolated incident. Do we ask for a meeting with the head and the class teacher together? What can we reasonable expect them to do? I would like reassurance that the bully is watched constantly- but is that an unreasonable request? TIA!

Watching the other child constantly is of course ridiculous.

I'd expect to be contacted by the class teacher in the first instance.

I'd expect the gossipy parent helper to be relegated to simply 'gossipy' from now on.

If you don't hear from the class teacher within a day or 2 then send an email outlining everything you've said here. CC the head but expect to only hear back from the teacher in the first instance although they'll have likely met with all adults involved by this stage.

They won't talk to you about the other child but only yours.

Why are you saying "gossipy parent helper"?

I'd want to bloody know if it was my child! They did the right thing by telling OP and if you class that as "gossip" then I find that strange.

Today a parent helper came to see me to tell me of some bullying that she witnessed

Massive breach of trust. If shes gossiping about your kid, shes gossiping about them all. I hope thats the last time shes allowed to help out.

I would like reassurance that the bully is watched constantly- but is that an unreasonable request?

Completely unreasonable - where do you expect school to get the funds from to have 1-2-1 eyes on a child? (eg an extra TA)

You wait and see what the school has to say about it as you have only just raised the issue. TBH, if my child was that unhappy I would have made appointments long before now to get to the root of the problem

Ok, I will wait to be contacted by the teacher. Obviously 100% of the time is unrealistic, but I’m hoping they can have her earmarked as one to watch during playtime.
I was incredibly grateful that this parent told me. And made the complaint with the school too. I find it hard to understand anyone who would suggest that letting violent and intimidating behaviour go unchecked is ok. Also, if my child was the bully I would want to be right on it too. Her threats were pretty dark.

The bigger Q is why your child wouldnt confide in you. As a parent, that would worry me.

Because the bloody parent helper should go bloody through the right channels and bloody speak to the head or 'proper' member of staff instead of talking bloody to a parent involved.

I'm not saying the OP shouldn't know. I'm saying it isn't the (I'll swap 'gossipy' for 'unprofessional') parent helper's job to pass on the information.

Our parent helpers are given guidelines including mentioning that parents should not be approached and spoken to about incidents. At a minimum I'd be calling her into my office and explaining this. I'd probably not have her help again.

" I find it hard to understand anyone who would suggest that letting violent and intimidating behaviour go unchecked is ok."

How do you know this has happened? Any way at all?

"earmarked as one to watch"

What?

This is obviously a serious incident and you’re right to be worried and want it fully investigated and followed up.

I find it hard to understand anyone who would suggest that letting violent and intimidating behaviour go unchecked is ok.

No one has said this. No matter how grateful you are, what the classroom helper did was unacceptable. What if she overheard/saw a conversation that was a conversation that was a safeguarding concern - would she tell said child’s parents, thereby possibly putting them at risk? It is not her place to share this information, though she was absolutely right to report it.

When an incident is reported after the fact it can take quite a while to sort out. The teacher needs to get all the information before they can approach you and dd. New information may come up that completely changes things. All your friend has done is worry you and leave you anxious and waiting.

Have you spoken to your daughter about it now? This may give her the opening to confide in you if you ask her directly. In terms of what the school they should have an anti-bully policy on the website or you can request it. I imagine your daughter's class has a TA? If so she or he will probably already be on the lookout for it now it has been spotted. Don't be too hard on the school for not spotting it before, verbal bullying can be difficult to spot, especially if your daughter is keeping quiet about it. You might want to look at some books and sites with advice to help build your daughters confidence up and help her tackle and report bullying.

I would certainly want to know from another parent if my child was being bullied