Birthday meal. Have I made a faux pass?

[Burthdaybash40]

So I am celebrating a big birthday soon. I have family all around the Country. This means we rarely get to meet up together. Dh thought it would be nice to do a meal in a restaurant. This of course involves travel and hotel expenses.
In the past such occasions have always a been pay for your own meal so I am not sure why I am concerned.
As we are perhaps better off than the previous host we are paying for the food element of the meal and providing cake.
Is this enough number jury?
Incidentally I am not expecting fancy gifts. I just want a big family gathering.

Sounds lovely.

My older cousins all did something ‘big’ for their 50th birthdays (not saying you’re necessarily 50). They all involved different costs & a couple meant overnight stays. They were spread out over a few years with a few weddings in between and it was good to catch up with everyone.

What you’re doing sounds great. I wouldn’t have expected you to pay for the meal.

I’d see who can’t make it and if you don’t think it will greatly upset anyone else, offer them accommodation if you’re able to, but make it clear if they can’t make it for other reasons then that’s totally fine too.

I think you’ll need to provide a few bottles of fizz for the toasts & cake cutting.

Presents - I took presents because I wanted to. A couple were easy, but the other two I asked their wives if they had any suggestions, so prepare your DH with a lists of things he can suggest from inexpensive to ‘special’ so that those who ask because they want to bring a gift can feel it’ll be something you’ll like.

Ps in similar circumstances we have found that a number of guests will try to slip you some money towards the final total saying please take this towards the cost /for our drinks/towards the service charge/ etc. You need to decide if you are willing to accept this or refuse it.

Oh god yeah, the fizz for the toasts and cake cutting!

££££££££

This is giving me flash backs of the horror at the mounting cost of our wedding a few years ago!

Bare in mind that so far in your family, everyone has split the bill. You are changing this precedent and paying for the food which is lovely, but there will be a lot of pressure on the next person in the family to do the same. Best not to go too overboard with drinks too etc, unless you make it clear this is an unusual situation.

You say in the past it has been pay for your own meal.

Presumably people had to travel and pay for accommodation on those occasions so wouldn't expect a free hotel room.

I would probably word the invitation to make it clear that you will be treating them to the meal and will provide x bottles of wine.

I might add for those that need to travel and stay over I can make the following suggestions and list a couple of hotels, the nearest Travellodge or B&Bs with a rough price guide.

Made the comment 're gift as the bil birthday thread got me thinking.

Thanks for feedback.

We picked the hotel as they had available rooms. Rate is probably cheaper than other local hotels.

Our budget won't really stretch to drinks too. I think I probably just need to make it clear that drinks need to be paid for separately. God it is so tricky.

Those who live close wouldn't have room to accommodate others sadly.

I've never understood the fuss people make on here about people daring to invite them to things that will cost them money. As if a simple NO isn't the answer to their issues? If you don't want to go, or can't afford it, you just politely decline. You don't rant and rave about how horrible your relatives are to ask you to things! Not in RL anyway.

Just make it very clear you aren’t paying for drinks.

I think it sounds lovely!