To ask how to live for now in a relationship that I know is over

[Timeforachange2018]

Posting for traffic really. I have been with my DP for 18 years and we have 2 kids under 10. It’s been really difficult since we had kids in that it’s exposed all the issues in our relationship. Long story short but after a bit of relate (waiting for more appts) I realised how flat and empty I felt about him. He’s been quite verbally abusive in the past and there are some things I can’t forgive - like being screamed at in the car in front of my kids.
I have realised that I feel empty - and my relationship feels physically, emotionally, intellectually empty in every way.
But now I have realised this, I don’t know what to do. I just feel numb and it’s left me feeling a bit stuck and almost like I need time to process it all before acting on it.
Is that normal? To disrupt my kids lives feels like a massive thing and I need time to work it out before seperating.
But now I have realised it, I feel really awful- really sad and numb as I know it’s over but I am hanging on to what has been.
Does that make sense? Anyone got advice? AIBU to feel like this?

Hoping someone comes along and helps with advice soon, didn't want to read and run. You're not being unreasonable feeling like that at all! You've built a wall to keep yourself safe mentally! I hope you can take some time and decide if you can overcome this barrier and move forward but if not you should leave, be free and have a happy life x

Plenty of traffic in relationships.

Do YOU want tp stay in that relationship? That's the key to most of your questions. Kids life disruption may or maynot affect them, but seeing a non-working relationship between parents will certainly do.

I think counselling would be good as it could help you to process and work out your feelings.

This thread may be useful
Can you quietly fall out of love after 20+years?www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/3184633-Can-you-quietly-fall-out-of-love-after-20-years

Similar here. Don’t know what the answer is, i cannot take away financial stability from my kids so we plod along. We rarely argue these days but the relationship is just meh. I’m arriving at conclusion that naively i was hoping the relationship would make me feel happy, loved and fulfilled but it’s not. So im slowly letting go of the idea that my happiness is something that my dp (or in fact, anyone) is responsible for and try to find fulfillment in myself and things that i do.
I see it as my lot and in many ways it is good, we just dont have that deeper connection (love?) between us.

NC for this.

I could have written this OP. It's a torturous place to be but I truly don't know what the answer is. My DH has been verbally aggressive and has too said some unforgivable things. We have two children and I'm pregnant, I'm a SAHM and have no idea what I'd do without him financially, plus I couldn't break my children's hearts. We live in a beautiful house, go on incredible holidays, share lots of friends- on paper the perfect life, but in reality we have nothing in common, nothing to speak about and zero respect for one another. He is a ruthless man with no morals and no integrity. However, he works so often that we barely see each other so I'm inclined to keep plodding along, I fantasise about being with someone who loves and cares about me and who I have something in common with.
Wishing you happiness for the future

it's hard lots of couples get into habit of plodding along as long as their happy. But you are not happy.

If there is no love the DC will notice when they get older, Maybe try some relate to see if you can save the relationship but if he is verbally abusive don't plod along for to long you only get one life, times not guaranteed, make plans to reinvent your life.

Get your ducks in a row and get out. Been in an abusive relationship for 35 years. Now kids have left it’s even worse. Pack yourself an emergency bag so you can get out quickly if you have too. Good luck x

What do you want to do? You make perfect sense but what would be your ideal end-result scenario?

@vladmirs I want to end it but I think I need some time to work out how. In the longer term I want to have the chance of a loving relationship with a man who is kind to me and who is interested in my physically and emotionally. I also just want some peace as life at the moment isnt peaceful. I cant spend the rest of my life in a half life with someone and that is what i have realised. But at the moment I feel too numb and paralysed by my realisation to act if that makes sense

@beachy thanks for linking to that thread; its exactly how I feel!

Also don’t fall into another relationship too quickly, find out how you feel first and then you can welcome a caring person into your life x