Kids and photos on FB

Dhalandchips · 2018-03-22T20:36:56+00:00

ExH puts photos of ds(11) & DD(9) on FB. WIBU to ask him not to. His privacy settings are non existent so anyone could look at them. Makes me feel a bit uneasy.

Whydomypubeslooklikeanest · 22/03/2018 20:49

You can ask him, but ultimately, as he is also their parent, there isn't a lot you can do if he says no.

NewYearNewMe18 · 22/03/2018 20:53

Do you get upset walking down the street at adults who may glance upon them?

Fruitcorner123 · 22/03/2018 20:55

No it's not unreasonable I hate this. Show him this and ask him not to post or change his settings. If hes reasonable he will at least make his settings more private.

www.google.co.uk/amp/s/amp.theguardian.com/technology/2014/sep/21/children-privacy-online-facebook-photos

Fruitcorner123 · 22/03/2018 20:57

newyear you really are a bit naive about people's online identities aren't you. Sharing publically details about your children could be dangerous

Barbie222 · 22/03/2018 20:59

People who leave social media accounts wide open often genuinely don't know any better so he might appreciate you giving him a heads up in a nice way.

NewYearNewMe18 · 22/03/2018 21:02

I'm not actually fruit as I lecture on safeguarding and I can give you chapter and verse on identity.

The OP had issue with people 'looking' at her children. Presumably the same people who can look at a school website.

Fruitcorner123 · 22/03/2018 21:06

new year if that really is true and in your lecturing you never lecture about the dangers of social media thwen I an truly shocked and a little worried. I am a teacher and our training includes info about being safe online. First rule is to always keep your settings private. You never know who might be looking/ reading. People post info about DOB, when and where they are on holiday, children's favourite hobbys and interested, foods they like etc. Etc. It would be very easy for someone who wanted to groom to use that info to begin an online relationship with the OPs children whose names and personal data have been published by their father.

3boysandabump · 22/03/2018 21:16

Just ask him to sort his privacy settings

WaxOnFeckOff · 22/03/2018 21:20

whose names and personal data have been published by their father.

and where does the OP say that?

I agree with NewYear. Unless you have a particular need to ensure that no-one knows what your child looks like then i can't get too excited about it, people see their face everyday.

I'd recommend changing the setting so that Ex-H doesn't end up getting scammed/burgled etc etc but the photos? meh!

DrRanjsRightEyebrow · 22/03/2018 21:24

I'd hate it. I would also hate it if I knew my parent's had plastered my childhood photos all over their social media. Thank god I grew up pre-digital age. I don't think kid's photos should be posted until they are old enough to give their consent and understand what that means, especially not publicly.

Fruitcorner123 · 22/03/2018 21:39

People are naive about this waxonfeckoff if he has posted them in school uniform then all and sundry know where they go to school and their likely home town. If they have a slightly unusual last name it will be possible to find their address. If he has posted something on their birthday then that's their date of birth, if he has posted them on holiday then that's a conversation starter. All the groomer has to do now is find them on snapchat/instagram etc. And somehow get them chatting then post something about how much they loved their holiday to X suddenly they have a chat going and they find they have so much in common etc. Or it could be identity theft later in their life because these posts will last forever.

Barbie222 · 22/03/2018 21:43

If the OPs children are on snapchat and Instagram then presumably they are old enough for the OP to have the chat with them and they can then ask their father to untag them from anything they're in?

I read it as the children being too young to have their own social media presence if the OP is going directly to her ex to speak about it.

Fruitcorner123 · 22/03/2018 21:49

They are currently too young and probably don't. Although I imagine some 8 year olds do. However anything posted about them lasts forever that's the worry. Or they could just turn up outside childs school once they are old enough to walk home alone and claim to be a long lost family friend and gain child's trust.

If someone knows what they are doing they can probably find the birth announcement on Facebook, photos of the first holiday, grandparents names and so much private info dating right back through the child's life. Really its quite terrifying.

These things are all unlikely and won't happen to the vast majority of children but I personally don't want to take the risk and clearly neither does the OP.

Original poster

Dhalandchips · 22/03/2018 22:12

I hadn't even thought about Snapchat and Instagram! I'm not very techno-savvy and I don't have WiFi at home, but their dad's flat does. Tbh, I don't really know what the consequences could be, it just doesn't sit comfortably with me. Now I'm mildly terrified of them being groomed because their dad won't change his settings.

OP posts:

WaxOnFeckOff · 22/03/2018 22:14

Fruit, I can assure you i am not naive.

People could just as easily get that information by following them home from school.

Also OPs Ex-H is also their parent and gets an equal say in this.

Fruitcorner123 · 22/03/2018 22:15

Sorry. Grooming is very rare of course. More likely identity theft which currently would be far more of a risk for the dad. I just feel like you and hate how we use social media these days to display our lives for everyone to see. Especially children who have no say in the matter.

Fruitcorner123 · 22/03/2018 22:19

waxonfeckoff a lot of grooming is about gaining the child's trust. Perhaps by finding them online and then pretending to have things in common when really you have just been researching them online. They could find the address by following them yes but not all the other data.

The second point you make is interesting. I wonder who would win if this kind of thing ever came to court. I know it wouldn't ever come to that but the OP may have a case as she hasn't given consent for their photos to be shared in this way and for many things BOTH parents have to give consent.

WaxOnFeckOff · 22/03/2018 22:34

Fruit as I said I am not naive. you could get lots of data without seeing them on'-line.

If you look at it form a risk management perspective, the risk is minute, you could argue that it's not worth taking even that minute risk as there is no corresponding benefit but you could equally argue that there is a mental well being benefit to both the father (in sharing his delight in his children) and for the DCs seeing that their parent is proud of them in a practical sense. life is about weighing risks and benefits.

Whilst I don't think it would do any harm to ask the OPs ex if he is aware that his FB page is open and take it from there. I think the thing of being concerned over a photograph is overplayed.

Fruitcorner123 · 22/03/2018 23:09

but you could equally argue that there is a mental well being benefit to both the father (in sharing his delight in his children) and for the DCs seeing that their parent is proud of them

I am no expert but I would be interested to see any data which suggests that posting things on Facebook has a positive effect on your mental health. I would argue quite vehemently that the opposite is true.Clearly I am a Facebook hater. I think the risk is very small but not as minute as you describe.

The compromise here is for the dad to change his privacy settings.

WaxOnFeckOff · 22/03/2018 23:22

Well it's not for us to decide what the compromise is and i'd like to see your data on the level of grooming versus the level of posting on facebook to get some context on the level of risk?

I also didn't say mental health. I said mental well being. I'm sure OPs ex isn't posting the pictures (presumably to share with his family and friends) to show that he thinks his children are ugly or stupid. He will be taking joy and pride in them and the children will soon enough be telling him straight if they don't want him to share photos of them.

A better defense in the world is to actually talk to your children and educate them and build their knowledge and resilience rather than seeing a predator round every corner. Teach them how to assess risk and benefit and make good choices and decisions. Maybe OP would be better speaking to her DC and getting their view? After all it is their image and they are old enough to express an opinion.

Fruitcorner123 · 22/03/2018 23:36

Well it's not for us to decide what the compromise is
It's AIBU so posting my opinion about a solution to her dilemma is the point.

i'd like to see your data
I don't have any and I don't claim to have any. I just said, " I think"

I also didn't say mental health. I said mental well being. i still dispute this

the children will soon enough be telling him straight if they don't want him to share photos of them.
The photos will already be out there

seeing a predator round every corner
It's important to be safe online and there is no benefit for the child in posting photos of them to a public audience. Predators are of course not round every corner but they are present on the internet. As I have said there is also the identity risk. If the Ops's ex wants to put the photos on for granny to see which is clearly a reasonable thing to want he just needs to up his privacy settings.

Maybe OP would be better speaking to her DC and getting their view?
At 11 and 9 they cannot be expected to have full knowledge of the risks/repercussions.

A better defense in the world is to actually talk to your children and educate them and build their knowledge and resilience
Of course this should happen but we are not talking about their use of the internet we are talking about their dad's.

WaxOnFeckOff · 23/03/2018 00:04

Ok. I give up. You are clearly the only one who knows anything at all and we should all bow down to your superior knowledge. The risk of identity theft is the one that is the greatest here but that's not what the OP is asking about. The risk of grooming or anything else to the OPs children from photos posted by their parent isn't even in the same ballpark.

Absofrigginlootly · 23/03/2018 00:15

I thought this was an interesting read...

www.google.com/amp/s/amp.theguardian.com/technology/2014/sep/21/children-privacy-online-facebook-photos

I don't put my DDs pics on Facebook. I only refer to her by the first letter of her first name (my friends all know who I mean) so there is no "trace" to follow.

I do post pics on Instagram but I have very strict privacy settings and only 5 friends (from real life!) and I do this because we live overseas so it's nice to share our lives with them.

My Instagram account is anonymous. There is no personal data on there and my username is a made up sentence

HoHoHoHo · 23/03/2018 00:31

I don't think you'd be unreasonable to ask but he would not be unreasonable to say no. You're both equal parents.
I think that asking him to change his privacy settings would be more likely to get a yes than telling him he can't share his photos of h9s own children online.