To think DD is missing out

[rockinghorse3256]

I can't drive and even if I could there is no way we could afford two cars. Plus DH works a good half hour drive away without much public transport to his work so he would need the car. AIBU to feel my DD is missing out because I don't drive? We do get the bus into our town centre occasionally and on DH days off we always try to take her to different places/play centres. However I feel compared to friends babies who have regular baby classes DD is missing out. I wouldn't mind getting the bus but most of the baby centres are completely out the way for us and taxis would be £10 plus each way. Think I just have a bad case of mum guilt

All your baby wants is to be with you and to have you talk to her about the world around you both. She doesn't need to be in an organised group for that.

What do you do with her each day? Hard to comment without knowing!

I have never driven i used to just take the bus they never seemed to mind of course the car is handy but overall they still got to where they needed to be.

Baby classes are for parents more than babies/toddlers ;). I took my toddler DD to ballet recently and she spent the whole lesson demanding I carry her or sit her down on my lap and it wasn't her first class! The other parents were all sweaty after spending 30 minutes trying to force make little Timmy/Tammy enjoy a class they couldn't care less about ;) .

Put some baby music on youtube and sing and sign with your child. Make shakers with bottles and rice and have a music class. Create a "soft play" in the living room with what you have (google some ideas). Look on Pinterest for craft/activities ideas. Invite a friend or two with their babies to make it more social. Your DD is just fine and 5 years from now (or even now), nobody will be able to tell the difference between the children who went to activities and those who didn't.

Thanks everyone your comments are really helpful. I do try to do as much as I can with DD. Weather permitting we go for daily walks (DD normally falls asleep in the pram anyway), I read books to her, sing nursery rhyme, play with her toys with her etc. I suppose it is the social aspect I worry about. Although when we do go to places she does seem quite confident with other babies. DH tells me I'm over worrying he believes these baby classes are a con (in his words). I don't agree completely but I have thought when we have attended many babies esp very young babies do seem oblivious to what going on.

How old is she? Pp are right, these classes are mainly for the parents. I took dd to a couple of rhyme time things at the local library but didn't really start a class or group till she was about eighteen months. Even then she wouldn't have a preference either way really. Truthfully she spent so much time insisting on being held getting anywhere on time for these classes was a mission.

By the time she starts really enjoying other children you'll be well into nursery territory if that's what your choosing to do.

If you feel like you want to connect with other mums you could try MUSH (it's a meet up app) or there's another one I've seen floating around.

Until you got to the bit where you said your DD was a baby I was thinking "Hmm. So no play dates or after school clubs or activities"

But she is still a baby! No she is not missing out on anything.

Thanks yes shes 10 months. The plan is for her to start nursery in a few months one day a week. I also think it's a confidence thing for me. Together with bf and weaning the thought of using public transport to go further than my town centre feels daughting. I'm hoping when she is abit older I will start to feel abit more relaxed. I have found a group a 10 minute walk away that does a toddler stay and play session. So hope to try that when she is a little older.

At 10 months she's not missing out but are you? Do you feel isolated? The main reason for me being out and about with mine that young was for my own sanity far more than their needs, to be honest!

If you're happy with your lot and so are your DH and DD then try and let go of the guilt over this.

We all parent differently and could fill our day with things that we think we should be doing better/more/less, etc. But, all our circumstances are different too.

Strive for good enough and contentment - then you can enjoy the highs and cope with the lows!

A 10 month old isn't going to be missing out but tbh I think a 10 year old would be.

Where I live doesn't have much public transport and there's no way I'd have been without a car for my DC

I wonder whether if you learned to drive whether you could drop DH off at work and use the car while he's working?

Perhaps try going further afield with DH on the weekend so you're more confident when you're on your own.

A baby isn't missing out. They're as happy sat in front of a washing machine. I can promise you, my pfb neither has memories of, nor is now ahead of her peers, because of her baby signing, or music classes, I think I even did French at one point. Pointless.

Save your money now for when, as others have said, you 9 yr old wants to do loads of activities

DS is nearly 8 months and I take him to 3 baby groups a week but it is just for me really. He doesn't really interact with other babies other than to roll on them! Your DD is not missing out.

She isn't missing out but it is probably worth learning to drive for the future so you have more flexibility in terms of work, after school activities, schools etc. Then if you do need to get a car at any point you can already drive.