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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think this is too much for school donations?

54 replies

MamabigTum · 22/03/2018 11:39

Firstly we are a normal school, not private and we have a higher than national average amount of parents on a low wage/ benefits. We are in a deprived area.

There is a whole week of fundraising. I have 2 children in school and so far we have been asked to

Bring in cakes (DD1 wants to be a baker so won't allow me to take in bought cakes so I made 2 dozen cupcakes)
Each child then has to pay £1 for ONE cupcake (a few years ago it was 20p!)
DD is doing a sponsored run. And the 'suggested donation' per sponsor is £1.
DD2 has a disco which is £5(!!!) per child.
There are then raffle takes sold every week for 20p each which kids are encouraged to buy
A fashion show which is again £1 per child to attend.
Then a donation box has also been sent home to fill up with change.

AIBU in thinking this is too much?

OP posts:

firawla · 22/03/2018 12:18

Ours is the same, this week we’ve disco at £5 a ticket, school fair, sports relief and only just had the book fair too. They wanted cake donations, chocolate donation and alcohol donation all this week! I have 3 kids in the school so it will all add up. I’m happy to support but I pick and choose it, some of the requested donations I just ignore - noones ever folllowef it up and forced me to bring it. They always have too many cakes anyway and then sell off the excesses for dirt cheap in the playground after the fair!
They also wanted us to give in a book so that our kids could deface it into a hedgehog shape and then we buy it back at the fair for a quid! Not the best craft idea I’ve come across- what a waste of a book!

makingmiracles · 22/03/2018 12:19

It sounds a lot for a deprived area tbh. I live somewhere semi rural, there is deprivation but not massively so
We pay £2 for a disco per child, when they sell raffle tickets, 50p each, book for £2.50, when it’s a sponsored event, there’s no minimum but they do offer “prizes” when different amounts are reached(I tend to not take part as we don’t have many people to ask) cupcakes at a cake sale are normally 20-50p each and event days(eg theatre company/play company) usually require £2

So yes, for a deprived area it does sound like a lot, especially if you have more than one child. Maybe have a word with the head? Parents association usually organise stuff like events, raffles etc and perhaps the organiser has no money worries and doesn’t realise its too much for most people?

On the plus side, it’s not a massive amount overall, wait till they get to secondary and uniform costs £300+, school trips £20+, baking DT materials £10 etc!

HostaFireAndIce · 22/03/2018 12:19

I'm a bit aghast at the people saying, for the school would be fine, but for a charity, oh no, heaven forbid!

However, I do think it sounds like a lot, especially the £5 disco and I agree with you, OP, that it's not as easy as saying, no you are the one who can't go. You could politely raise it with the head with your concerns about the amount of money being requested within a short period of time.

UpstartCrow · 22/03/2018 12:21

Yanbu, I don't get how its ok for schools to be underfunded but not for parents to be too skint.

BarbarianMum · 22/03/2018 12:23

I wouldn't always say "no" but I have sometimes said no because stuff is out of our price range, or not possible. It would certainly be fine to tell your child "no I don't have time to bake" or "No, I can't sponsor you" or "Fashion show or disco, you chose."

Our school can be a bit like this but the reality is that there isn't a single event that every child takes part in, or pays to take part in. So the suggested donation for Children In Need is £1 but some pay 50p and some pay nothing but dress up anyway. Some go to discos, or the theatre and some don't - or only occasionally.

Beamur · 22/03/2018 12:24

I'd email the Head and let them know your concerns.

italiancortado · 22/03/2018 12:28

I'm a bit aghast at the people saying, for the school would be fine, but for a charity, oh no, heaven forbid!

Aghast? Really?

You don't have the ability to realise that perhaps we don't all support EVERY charity?

This is for a Catholic charity. I would never support that.

diddl · 22/03/2018 12:28

"DD1 wants to be a baker so won't allow me to take in bought cakes so I made 2 dozen cupcakes"

Sorry I'm not following that.

You either give what you want or she bakes herself!

HolyShet · 22/03/2018 12:31

Well for 2 kids to participate in all that (guestimating cost of cake ingredients at £3) thats £22.40 in one week

Which could easily be more than half, and perhaps all, of someone's food budget for the week. It is a lot.

These kinds of events should be about building the community of the school first with a side order of fundraising, not excluding skint people in the name of so-called christian benevolence.

Not ok for raising school funds either imo.

Ellie56 · 22/03/2018 12:32

There is something wrong here when people who can't afford to donate feel pressurised to give money beyond their means.

You need to have a word with the head and explain your difficult circumstances and how their so called charity is impacting on your family.Remind her that charity is supposed to begin at home.

nocoolnamesleft · 22/03/2018 12:33

Teaching kids about charity, generosity etc is lovely. But not at a level that makes it a struggle for the parents. Sounds like someone slightly clueless has got overenthusiastic.

Angrybird345 · 22/03/2018 12:34

Just say no!!

diddl · 22/03/2018 12:39

"Teaching kids about charity, generosity etc is lovely."

But what are they learning when if it's just a case of parents paying out?

Maybe if they had to pay themselves they might not want to participate in everything!

Chocolatecake12 · 22/03/2018 12:47

How much of this is the school and how much from the pta?
IME the pta often try and over fundraise and it does annoy parents who are always having to pay out for things.
I agree with pp you should email your concerns to the headteacher.

SeaToSki · 22/03/2018 12:55

I always tell my dc when they want money to give to a charity that they are welcome to give whatever they want, but it will come from their own pocket money. They very quickly decide what is worth it to them and what isnt.

upsideup · 22/03/2018 12:56

So you go to a catholic school? That wants to support catholic charities.
Some people will be able to afford it and will want to support the charity, thats great.
You can say no to your kids, you could tell your child that you are buing cakes not making them or that they dont need to particpate in the fashion show, they wont be the only one, its up to you.

dangermouseisace · 22/03/2018 13:06

I’d have a word with the school about pricing TBH. When I was on PTA we priced things so that people would be most likely to afford it, especially with big families. £5 for disco is taking the mick...we hired a DJ and charged £2, inclusive of snacks/drinks. If things are cheaply priced those that can afford more usually quietly give more, in my experience, and those that can’t aren’t left out or embarrassed.

HollyBayTree · 22/03/2018 13:06

I'd be complaining about cake sales every week - it blows the healthy eating right out of the water.

BertrandRussell · 22/03/2018 13:08

A cake a week blows healthy eating out of the water? Seriously?

NoIdeaWhatToSay · 22/03/2018 13:24

But you've chosen to send your DC to a faith school, it's not a secret that they do a lot of charitable donations to catholic charities over lent? In fact, they do charitable donations all year.

I'd be looking at a different school if you're not happy because it won't change.

MorningsEleven · 22/03/2018 13:30

It's the bloody logistics of it all. DS's school has a different sport relief event every pigging day this week. Some of it requires money, some needs costumes. We've already missed one thing because there's just too much going on.

PattiStanger · 22/03/2018 13:45

One cupcake a week is hardly going to fuel the obesity crisis, your poor children

Original poster

MamabigTum · 22/03/2018 14:51

My children aren't Catholic. There's 3 schools in our area, 2 are Catholic and one isn't.
The one that isn't is on the verge of special measures, one is rated good and the one my kids attend is outstanding.

I can deal with a few prayers to get them a better education.

I have no problem with Charity, and my eldest daughter attended this school years ago.
But like I said, it was all donations priced at a fifth of what they are asking now. It was £1 disco and 20p cakes.

OP posts:

BertrandRussell · 22/03/2018 15:43

“I can deal with a few prayers to get them a better education”

Yeah, well. You can deal with a bit of charitable donation too.

ScattyCharly · 22/03/2018 15:52

It sounds like you can personally afford the donations.

If people cannot afford it, it’s not mandatory and they can speak for themselves.

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