To want to get married first

[canmgo]

Firstly I have been with my partner 18 years we have wonderful dc and a lovely home the only thing missing is being married. We want to do this more for a legality and financial reason more then anything else as we both feel vulnerable with our current setup we are not bothered about he romantic side of things as we already have shown a lot of commitment to each other. Anyway my partners siblings have recently told the family they are getting married next year and sent save the date cards etc and are having the whole traditional wedding which is great for them just not what we would want Aibu to want to get married his year we only want close family there then an evening buffet. I am worried about stealing their thunder as we would be getting in there first and worried it might cause problems for an already sometimes funny about that sort of thing future sil.

It sounds like a very different type of wedding anyway. Do you even want family there? So much more fun and memorable to elope!

Yes we would like immediate there for the ceremony so siblings , parents and grandparents . Then invite extended family for an evening buffet / party .

So you want to get married this year with a few close relatives and a small do after being together for 18 years with a house and dc in tow and they're planning a do for next year?

If this is the case then just do it. You won't be stealing her thunder. If she's going to be a bridezilla about it then you know to give her a wide berth forever.

Get married this year in your little do and think no more of it. If she creates a shit show at least you know where you stand. Don't make a song and dance about it; your post makes me wonder whether you worry that she would?

Either way, get married and enjoy the buffet. Make sure there's enough for the vegetarians!

There's things that have happened before that if she doesn't get her own way she turns horrible. She always apologises afterwards however I always say I can forgive but il never forget when people are like that and you just don't know how she will react about us suddenly announcing .

So... You've been together 18 years but it's only now your SIL has announced her engagement that you actually get motivated to plan a wedding... And you'll be "getting in first". Hmm... sometimes weddings do all seem to happen at once but don't be surprised if this particular timeline raises some eyebrows

We couldn't afford it tbh I no you can do it cheap just the two of you but that really wouldn't go down well at all with family . Trust me I would much rather just do it just us and it would have been done years ago.

Do it quietly and tell them all afterwards. No thunder stolen and you do it the way you want.

So you've been together for 18 years and feel vulnerable so have decided now your SIL is planning her wedding to actually do something about it and do it first. Sounds very childish.