To stop buying DC birthday presents?

[upsideup]

Its my eldest's 11th birthday in 2 weeks, she has all the big things she could need and shes grown out of wanting random toys, so has said that theres nothing she wants and shes happy with just her party. We have been going out of our minds over the last couple of weeks thinking we have to get her something but have now decided we are just going to throw her the party, take her out clothes shopping before and then let her decide something she wants us to go and do as family one weekend rather than buying things she doesnt want or need for the sake of it

But now me and DH have been discussing maybe just stopping buying presents for all our kids on their birthdays, a party and a day out as a family doing what they want are experiances that will create memories rather than material crap that will be broken and forgotten about within a few months.
When the older two were little we stupidly would spend £100's or even £1000's on them and try and fill the whole room living room with presents but quickly realised this was a bad idea, it was too much for them to be able to appreciate and things ended up staying in the packaging for months afterwards and it also meant we hardly took them anywhere or bought them anything for the rest of the year because we wanted to save it all up for their birthday.
We also have said there ends up being quite a lot of presents that we want them all to have, like a camera, a laptop, a bike, skateboard, roller skates etc these are all activities and equiptment that we want to encourage and for them to use, and its pretty pointless making them wait for their birthday and that we might as well just buy them these things as and when they want or need them, so its not neccesaryily a present just something we are buying them. We will still get them toys but for when they have done something good or worked hard or even just as a random surprise because we want to instead of on the anniversery of their birth, they wont be going without and will just get given individual things throughout the year rather than loads of things all at once. Also they will still get things to open from family and friends just nothing from us.

AIBU?
Is this a terrible idea and would we be ruining the fun? Or damaging them in some other way?

I think it's a brilliant idea, so long as the kids are in agreement. (Your daughter sounds fab, btw). And maybe if they change their minds further down the line, you can start buying them again. Another idea - maybe you can give them a sum of money to donate to the charity of their choice; it would encourage them to look into different charities and really feel they're doing some good every birthday and Christmas.

You might spend thousands on birthday presents but instead might buy them something when they're good or just randomly and spend what you might have spent on the birthday present in a day out? I thought I went overboard on presents but I'm no where this extreme. But if you have loads of free cash and this is how you spend it it's totally your choice. I would have thought going out shopping for birthday clothes would count as a birthday gift?!

Go for it! We got a family annual pass to the local safari for Xmas, I'm a huge believer in experiences rather than toys.

Lemond1fficult

We will definately discuss it with the all the kids as well. Thankyou giving them so much that they can give to whatever charitys they want is a great idea! We will definately do that

Sounds sensible to me.

It definitely makes sense for your dd, as her birthday is relatively close to Christmas anyway.

I think giving them things as and when they need it is so much better that saving it up for an arbitrary date, hopefully they will appreciate things more too because they’ll have what they need rather than having something for the sake of having something or not having something they need and having to wait for it.

We’ve been doing this for a few years now.
Ds1 gets a gift bag of little things to actually open like favourite chocolates, books etc then we take him and a couple of friends for a day out somewhere that we wouldn’t go that often. It’s always gone down well.

We have now started doing it with the younger ones.

I think you need to take care the younger ones don't feel they've missed out, and you need a way to check you are treating them fairly. It's easy for parents to think "fair is not the same as equal, and actually these things average out over time" but children don't necessarily experience it that way. Make sure they all get some new stuff, and you're not favouring any over the others.

Personally I would carry on giving them a present for birthdays. Just set a modest budget and buy them one thing - CD, bag, necklace, book/music download for your daughter? Or do the "something they want, something they need, something to wear, something to read" thing, maybe skipping the something they need.

How will you feel if they all grow up and decide to stop giving you presents, saying they'll get you stuff when they think you need it? I do get where you're coming from really, I just think they might feel a bit hurt by getting no presents from you in reality, year in year out.