Discipline in school

[alwaysfancywine]

I could really do with some impartial advice here as I’m a bit torn between my head and my heart. DS is in y4 (9 yrs old) and has been diagnosed with ADHD in the past 6 months. He displays very typical behaviour for an ADHD/ADD child - very impulsive, acts first thinks later, bit silly at times, very physical and needs to move around a lot. Aside from these qualities, he is very sweet natured, fun loving and great sense of humour. He tries as hard as he can within the constraints of his impulses. School are aware of this diagnosis. His main teacher is mainly good with him and has adapting his teaching style to suit (encourages good behaviour, has gentle chats with him if his behaviour is starting to get a little boisterous and they have a good understanding of each other etc).
Some of his lessons are with other teachers and there is one in particular who I feel has taken a big dislike to DS and has given him so many bad marks (a certain number lead to detention) in the past few months that it’s getting ridiculous. It’s bad mark upon bad mark - no warnings, no discussion, just straight to punishment and exclusion. DS says he also shouts at him and makes him feel silly.
DS absolute hates and dreads his lessons and has been put off his particlar subject which he used to love.
I am in two minds here - firstly, my son needs discipline and boundary setting to keep him on the right track. I know he can be frustrating to teach as his mind wonders. He goes off topic very easily and talks a lot/ BUT I feel uncomfortable that he upsets DS so much and makes him feel angry and sad and embarrassed (DS’ words). I hate that he excludes him, makes him cry and generally I feel acts like a bit of a bully.
What do you think - am I right to ask the teacher to change his tact and ease up a little or just accept that each teacher has a different style and that this is a tough lesson for DS?

Could you discuss with the main teacher first? If he’s getting upset and has took a dislike to the subject, regardless of his ADHD, I would raise this at parents evening. YANBU to want to address it.

My DS was diagnosed much later than yours and at an age when we thought medication was a good option. We had a lot of similar problems in earlier years but without knowing about the ADHD.

Could you talk to the teacher about finding a different strategy for the classroom e.g. DS sitting next to him? We had one teacher who did that for mine and it really worked, even though DS wasn't keen at first. She did sweeten it with tons of positive feedback when he was behaving and also made sure he never ran out of work. Mind you, she did say it had been hard work for her, once the year was over.

It might also be worth having a conversation with SLT/Learning Support about how DS's issues are dealt with at school. Our DS was able to cope with one or two teachers like this, but once the balance tipped and he felt labelled, he quickly became very angry and distressed precisely because he was getting in trouble all the time, the school was ramping up the discipline stakes and he didn't understand why he couldn't manage to do what he wanted to do (not get into trouble). The overall anxiety made the ADHD symptoms worse.

I think, in the nicest possible way, you need to discuss with the teacher whether 'no warning, straight to punishment' is actually what is happening in the classroom. Has the teacher told you this is what he does?

Detention at age 9? The teacher needs to be reminded that children with this neuro disability are functioning at 30% younger than their peers.

The teacher should be using consistent strategies with your son, and if they are having difficulties they should be meeting with you to decide how to move forwards. You need to arrange a meeting to find out what the specific issues are and how they can be addressed. Good luck OP.

My sons has similar difficulties. No diagnosis but I wouldn't be surprised if he got one as he got older. On the one hand I think that it's unfair to expect him to behave like most children his age seem to. But on the other hand he will encounter people and situations where his behaviour disadvantages him. I've always felt that school should be practice for the real world. Think if it this way, here your son has the opportunity to learn to deal with someone in a position of authority hates him for something he cannot help. Is there someone at the school like a senco or year level coordinator that you can raise concerns with so that your son has support both at school and at home when he feels he needs it? There isn't much to be gained from reigning the teacher in unnecessarily but a lot to be gained from helping your son to understand why the teacher is wrong and to not care.

Can you meet with the Senco? Preemptive strategies are really useful for dealing with ADHD in school. Regular movement breaks are esssntial. Unfortunately the best support usually requires additional staff which school Budgets can’t meet.

I wouldn’t necessarily disbelieve your child. Some teachers really don’t deal with conditions like ADHD or ASD well. Plus, even if they know a bit about the condition, each child will have their own unique profile.

Have you heard this from your son or the teacher? Perhaps this particular teacher isn't the sort to put up with lots of disruption to his class. If he's getting lots of bad marks and detentions from this teacher, it sounds like your son is misbehaving and not getting lots of nice warnings like perhaps the regular one gives. Then blaming the teacher for being told off? I think you need the other side to the story to be honest.

Oh for a minute, I thought this was going to be a nice sensible thread. Even Penggwn managed to do good teacher advice. And then we hit the ADHD/misbehaving.

Thank you everyone. Your thoughts are very welcome. what I need to do is set up a meeting with this particular teacher - with his usual one too - and discuss exactly what is going on during the lessons to be getting so many more bad marks. You’re right, the teaching styles are so different - I think I’ll suggest that they try to have a unified style and punishment structure so my DS knows exactly what’s going on.
I’ll get SENCO involved too.
Thanks everyone. X