To ask how did you felt after going from 1 to 2 DCs?

[NomsQualityStreets]

I'll start off by saying I used to be unsure if I wanted to have DCs.
I fell pregnant with DS1 unexpectedly and that's what kind of pushed me to make my mind up.

I struggled a bit at the beginning but once DS hit about 1.5/2 I was really enjoying being a mum. I loved spending time with him and giving him my attention.

DP said he would like another and initially I was unsure but I ended up agreeing with him and I thought it would be good for DS to have a sibling.

So here we are now with DS1 (3) and DS2 (3mo). I love DS2 but I've been really struggling with not being able to give DS1 the time he wants and used to enjoy so much.
I also get these overwhelming feelings of now having to focus on 2 and making sure they're both getting enough stimulation, taking them to activities, bringing them up properly and looking after them.
I don't feel great about my attention being divided all the time and worry about the fact I will not do a good enough job for DS1 due to DS2 being more demanding ATM.

AIBU to ask how did others find going from 1 to 2?

Placemarking as currently pregnant with DS, DD is 3 so would like to hear others stories!

Children don't need your undivided attention. You offer it if you can because you can, but billions of siblings in the world show that shared attention, not always getting your needs met, having to wait sometimes, watching someone else receive attention you want is not harmful. Quite the opposite, it can be good and allow for healthy adjustment to understanding your place in a social context, fitting in, conflict resolution, impulse control.

Before anyone gets up in arms, only children learn these too but through wider social experiences. Cousins, nursery, school. The difference is siblings are a more constant rival for attention.

A sibling is a rival but also a boon. Think about what your child learns when he sees you care for his sibling, when you encourage him to cheer sibling's achievement, when you tell him what a great big brother he was just then.

The first year with each of mine is pretty much a blur.
Honestly, between 0-6 months especially was pretty much just about making it through each day.

I'd say that once this baby starts walking and playing independently or with your DS1, that's when it really becomes enjoyable most of the time and you see the benefits of having 2.

I have a 3 month old and he spends a lot of time in his bouncy chair or on a playmat watching me play with the 2 year old. I think it's fine. Does your 3 year old go to nursery? My 2 year old goes 2 days a week and that's when the baby gets some more focused attention.

My ds was an only child for 5 years. I was worried how having a sibling would affect him but he adores his younger 2 siblings. I remember getting the baby blues after my 2nd was born, and cried and cried as I was thinking I’d ruined my time with my son. Not going to lie, it is tough to adjust initially but they are really close now even with the age gaps.

I have a 6 year age gap between mine so worried relentlessly that ds would struggle because he'd been an only child for so long, that I wouldn't cope with two, that I couldn't love another dc like I love dd, etc.

Now they are 7 and 18 months and it's just so brilliant. What they have together is lovely and so amazing to see. It has been an adjustment for ds obviously but I can definitely say he gets more out of having a sibling than I ever thought possible and I'm really glad it's turned out this way.

Me and dh still make sure to do one on one things with ds so he's getting that quality time but mostly it's just us all doing family things together and it works really well.

DH and I are going back and forth about having a second. DS is 3 and would be 4 by the time another baby arrived. I worry about upsetting the balance we’ve created in our family life - we are stretched for time with DS working 5 days a week. Reading some of the comments above really makes me think we could make it work and that DS would benefit. He often comments that he’d like “a baby” and I do think he would welcome a sibling.

I like this thread. Rather than being about only children, it's about the possibility of going from an only to more. I think a lot of people on the onlies board are interested in what having an only is like but it's good to have the perspective of when you decide an only isn't for you.

Yes sure it's hard when the older one wants attention and you're busy with baby. But mine are now 2 and 4 and honestly I would have no idea what we would do if we had just 1. They interact and play the entire evening, have such a lovely relationship. It will get easier.

You said the first year was a blur with your first so it may be quite likely to be as difficult with a second. I think as others have said the real.benefits come when they are a bit older as you found with your first. I haven't made the leap.from 1-2 yet partly because I found the first year of parenting so hard but I'm contemplating it.

Following as I'm 15w with number 2 and DD will be 21m when s/he arrives... lots of people have told me that it's tough to start with but a small age gap pays off later as you've got all the nappies and sleepless nights out of the way!

21 months between my 2 DS,- for me the first couple of months was the hardest adjustment especially as DH is self employed and no time off for him !! But when DS2 used to sit on his bouncer / sleep i would make some time for DS1 even if it was only an hour so. He also went to nursery 2 days a week and so I had time for just DS2. But now at 4 and 2 they're amazing. They are really close and play well together most of the time and i love watching them. DS2 has learnt so much from DS1. I'm certain you and your DC will be fine

Try watching The Secret life of Brothers and Sisters on channel 4s streaming thing. It’s older children (5 and 6 year olds with their 2 or 3 year old siblings in episode 1 then 5 and 6 year olds with 7/8/9 year old siblings in episode 2) but it is generally very positive about siblings, while still showing that only children learn the same social skills from their peers, so isn’t negative about only children either. Some of the sibling relationships were really lovely.

I am just over 7 months in to being a mother of 2 (DD 26 months when DS born), so still a beginner myself but the newborn stage etc still fresh in my memory, and I'd say that:

a) Your firstborn does adjust to having to wait a bit if baby needs something immediately. I'm honestly not sure my DD fully remembers being an only child, even though it wasn't that long ago. She definitely won't remember being an only child in a year or so! It becomes normal for the firstborn to share parental attention, and to my mind that's no bad thing.

b) Your baby will probably become less full-on, allowing you to give more time to your firstborn as baby amuses himself for a little while. Your baby will also become easier to leave with other people (I think this is more of an issue if you breastfeed, but the newborn stage my DS needed ME to be with him almost all the time, so DS-free time was in short supply). Soon enough you can leave DS2 with DH whilst you and DS1 go out and have some special time just the two of you (if you're not already doing this!).

c) Once your baby gets a bit more interesting and interactive, your firstborn will probably start to bond more with them and the sibling relationship will start to blossom. This is extremely heart-warming to see and makes you realise that a sibling is not just a huge disaster for your firstborn, there are also positive things that they are going to get out of it. DD has started to try to make DS laugh (very easy for her as he absolutely worships her) and kiss and cuddle him and bring him toys to look at. Sometimes we even play all three together and it is an absolute joy.

I'm just talking from my own limited experience but at 3 months in DD was completely uninterested in newborn DS and simply sad and frustrated that she wasn't getting as much of my attention as she once did. Things have got a lot better on all fronts. I know there are more challenges coming up as our sweet little baby is going to turn into a toddler and then a child and there will be much more conflict between them (as opposed to simply apathy). But I'm hoping that the good times will continue as well.

Ours are 28.27,25,19,and two 18 year olds.

They all get on and mostly did. No child needs or should have undivided attention.
The fact you posted op shows your kids will be fine.