Aibu to be hurt by the lack of sex and considering ending my relationship? TMI warning.

[CactusJelly00]

I think there's always been an issue with sex/intimacy ... we never even really had the whole whirlwind "honey moon period" that I've heard of (ie, you're at it like rabbits for the first few weeks/months). We've been together for several years and I've always had the higher sex drive. But now the rejection is just chipping away at my self esteem, I can't even masturbate (I'm so sorry for the TMI) as I just feel so unwanted and unappealing. I've tried to speak to him about it and FWIW I don't believe there's a medical issue behind it. He just "doesn't fancy it" or there's another reason (tired/headache/just wants to hug). I could happily do it daily, or more. But just once every 7-10 days would be enough. Trouble is now we seem to be in a cycle where I ask 2+ times a day (to be told no for up to a month at a time) because I really want it.Then when I don't get it I feel upset, frustrated and rejected.
The record so far for no sex is just shy of 7 months. I don't think I can cope anymore? Aibu to be hurt by the lack of sex and consider ending it? I just don't think I can continue like this; it's making me truly miserable but then I wonder if I'm being horrible and expecting too much so I'm constantly second guessing myself.

Sex is one of those truly personal preferences, some people like a lot and some people can take it or leave it but it’s usually best to find someone with a similar sex drive.
If you aren’t married and don’t have children together then it should be an easy decision based on your comment that it’s making you miserable.
If you are more committed to each other then maybe exploring counselling before chucking things in is more appropriate.
When a relationship makes you feel shitty it’s a definite sign that it’s not a healthy relationship for you to be in and either you are proactive and try to make changes to the relationship to make it work for you or you leave.
Easier said than done though.

Things are not going to get better sad but true.
You deserve that "whirlwind at it like rabbits" Its wonderful.
There is a decision you need to make and that is do you spend your life frustrated and begging for sex or do you leave. Its a no brainer.

He’s not wrong or unreasonable to have a low libido, but he is unreasonable to not recognise the impact on you and work with you to an understanding or compromise.

I’d lay it on the line that this is becoming a deal breaker for you. His reaction will tell you whether the relationship is worth saving.

It is very unreasonable to expect your partner to go without sexual relations for seven months.

The person needs to decide to seek help, end the relationship or perhaps stop watching porn.

Oh, and stop asking him for sex. Part of the issue may be that he feels pestered and pressured. Plus if you don’t ask you won’t get rejected.

I think you’re going to have to work on your own to feel good about yourself again - new clothes, hairdo, exercise routine? Get to a point you can take care of your own pleasure, and you will be set up either to address your relationship issues or a single life with confidence

The question is, has he always had this low a libido, even before you? Because if yes, then that is just what it is and you need to decide if you can live with it.

Some people just aren't into sex, unfortunately.

woo 7 months is a longtime. I mean you cant force someone to want to have sex but you can decide that the lack of sex for you is a deal breaker and move on to find someone who you're more compatible with

Do you have kids with him?

If not, I think it would be reasonable to end the relationship over this incompatibility.

If you have kids with him, I do think the situation is a little more complicated. However you can still end the relationship over this but the consequences are much higher. ie you would not live with your child(ren) full time.

Sounds like you are mismatched. I agree that asking twice daily would put you in the sex pest category and would put me off completely.

I wouldn't want to have sex with you either if you asked me 2x a day. It puts you in the sex pest territory. However you do sound mismatched, perhaps you need to find someone more suited to you.

It's not going to get any better. For the sake of your happiness and self esteem leave him and find someone that you're more compatible with.

I think you just need to separate. I know sex is important in relationships, and YANBU to want it, but no one should ever feel pressured to have sex they don't want just to keep their partner happy. Man or woman, whether it's been 7 days or 7 months. And frankly I'd hate to have sex with someone I knew was just doing it to please me. If you want sex and your partner doesn't then you need to find a new partner, not try and force him to change. And YABVVVVU to ask him twice a day! If my partner did that I'd leave him, personally.

Someone wanting ‘it’ (not him/her, I note the language, just ‘it’) and asking a minimum of twice a day for 7 months straight would be utterly draining and any sex drive would have long since bitten the dust.

How does this repetitive twice daily asking take place? And how can it possibly be in the slightest bit sexy, sensual or romantic? Where does your respect draw the line? At what point does it become pestering, unpleasant, something to be endured, fended off?

However, I’d also be very sympathetic to someone whose sex drive is so different from my own, and for the relationship to work, some sensible adult discussion is necessary to work out a way forwards... surely?

Or you both can stay stuck in this perpetual predator -prey marathon until one of you expires from exhaustion!

The whirlwind at-it-like-rabbits stage is the best... everyone deserves it I feel sad for you that your needs aren’t being met. I couldn’t be in a relationship without sex (with the exception of an illness out of their control).
I’m 2.5 years in and still in that whirlwind with DP.
Are you more like companions now? Best friends but not lovers?
How old are you and how long have you been together?

YANBU. EXH and I stopped having sex about three years into our marriage. He wouldn't discuss it. We were 'out of the habit', is all he would say. It's corrosive to your self esteem. If you're single and not getting any, people are sympathetic and roll their eyes about 'a dry spell'. If you're married there are very few options. His refusal to even discuss was one of the things that split us up in the end.