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AIBU?

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Original poster

...to ask about being friends with opposite sex?

19 replies

Overthinkingeverything · 19/03/2018 23:22

I know I'm going to sound really old-fashioned.

Almost divorced, middle aged with children, haven't socialised much in quite a while.

I have been in touch with a couple of old friends. One I was very good friends with for a long time but have seen little of each other past 10 years.

We're meeting up next weekend and he suggested he'd cook and we'd hang out at his with lots of good wine.

Id mentioned not having lots of money for big nights out which is why he suggested this.

Am I being unreasonable completely ridiculous to wonder if that's appropriate? I feel so silly asking but I'm not used to socialising as a single grown up. Stupidly I'm nervous about it seeming in anyway date like but I know that it's only as friends.

OP posts:
MarklahMarklah · 19/03/2018 23:25

Only inappropriate if one of you behaves in an inappropriate manner. Both DH & I have friends of the opposite sex with whom we 'hang out' have dinner and so on. Sometimes independently, sometimes as a couple, but more frequently independently.

Original poster
Overthinkingeverything · 19/03/2018 23:32

I wouldn't have questioned it when younger or with ex. We both had friends of opposite sex. I've been a bit cut off and it feels completely different getting back to socialising as a single person after nearly 20 years.

OP posts:
bridgetreilly · 20/03/2018 00:09

What on earth do you think is inappropriate about his suggestion? That sounds like a lovely evening for two old friends.

Cavender · 20/03/2018 00:11

I agree with Mark, only inappropriate if you have concerns about his (or your behaviour).

Original poster
Overthinkingeverything · 20/03/2018 00:22

Appropriate was a really odd choice of word. I suppose I'm wondering if I'm giving the idea that it is a date. Or date-like.

I don't want to give the wrong impression. I would absolutely not be comfortable dating.

OP posts:
Hellywelly10 · 20/03/2018 00:25

It does sound date like imo. Can you meet him in public? What do you want out of this meeting?

Original poster
Overthinkingeverything · 20/03/2018 00:41

I miss adult company. I have very little spare money so going out is limited. I manage the occasional night out but there's no one for ordinary down time, chilling out.

Being "treated" is also appealing - he offered to pick me up, cook etc.

So it's appealing...but i wondered if it sounded like a date too.

OP posts:
takeTheRestJustForALaugh · 20/03/2018 02:55

It sounds very date like but why is this a problem?

NotAnotherUserName5 · 20/03/2018 03:00

As long as you're both wanting just friendship, that's fine.
The problem could be he sees it as a stepping stone to more. Or could be after sex. I'd meet somewhere public to avoid this expectation

Arapaima · 20/03/2018 03:02

It sounds like a date to me! He may not be thinking that it is, but then again he may be hoping for something to happen between you. If that’s not your intention then you need to make that clear, either beforehand or on the night.

WilyMinx · 20/03/2018 05:01

It sounds like a date to me too, but then, I'm very old fashioned. Do you want it to be a date, or just friends hanging out?

Original poster
Overthinkingeverything · 20/03/2018 06:18

I definitely don't want it to be a date but I don't want to hurt his feelings now after accepting a nice invitation. I'll have a think.

OP posts:
homeTIRF · 20/03/2018 06:48

Just tell him. Nice and easy.

It doesn't have to be complicated.

Amanduh · 20/03/2018 06:50

Why is going to someones house to eat and drink a date? Confused

homeTIRF · 20/03/2018 06:53

Why isn't it? Confused

Offer to cook with lots of good wine. 2 single people. What makes you think this isn't a date.

If you're married, would you be happy for your husband to take someone up on this offer?

crazydoglady6867 · 20/03/2018 06:56

I would go, enjoy yourself and if he suggests anything other than friends at the moment tell him you are not ready for that and sorry if you gave him the wrong impression but at the moment you just need a good friend and some adult company, he will then decide if he wants the same, if he asks to see you again you are both on the same page, if not, you haven’t lost anything and he is not too upset. You never know he may be a good friend going forward and you don’t want to miss out on that. I think you are just a bit nervous, but just enjoy yourself and make sure you both know where you stand at all times so you can both relax.

SunnyCoco · 20/03/2018 07:54

Lay out your expectations beforehand
Ie lots of chat about “can’t wait to catch up with an old mate” / “be lovely to have an evening of two friends together” / “Sally told me to try OLD but I’m definitely not up for dating anybody right now” etc

Samantha77hat · 20/03/2018 08:01

Anything you try to do to manage it ahead of time will be awkward
Just go along and see what happens what’s the harm
Life isn’t completely predictable and you sound like you deserve some attention

Original poster
Overthinkingeverything · 20/03/2018 15:37

Thanks for the good tips. Yes I could miss out on a friendship for worrying too much.

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