Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to not want to sign a card for a baby till it arrives?

33 replies

DrSeuss · 19/03/2018 18:12

Today at work I was asked to sign a baby card. "Oh, great," I said. "Has X's baby arrived? When?" No, the baby isn't even due till Friday! Am I very superstitious for not really wanting to sign it? The colleague I said this too was very dismissive so I eventually wrote, "Good Luck" as I suppose that works equally well for labour or a newborn.

Would anyone else have preferred not to sign?

OP posts:
Strokethefurrywall · 19/03/2018 18:30

Yep - very superstitious.

Laiste · 19/03/2018 18:35

You wrote 'good luck' in a baby congrats card, rather than congratulations? Confused

I'm sure she'll have much more on her mind than who wrote what in the card from work, but that is going to look a bit odd.

How is you writing something on a piece of card going to affect the outcome of a pregnancy?

Aprilmightmemynewname · 19/03/2018 18:36

I wouldn't have signed either.

Plumsofwrath · 19/03/2018 18:38

I’m equally superstitious, but I think I would have told myself that if the worst happened the card wouldn’t be given to the woman having the baby...?

PinkHeart5914 · 19/03/2018 18:39

I would of signed it and I certainly wouldn’t of put good luck Confused what a weird thing to put in a new baby card.

FFS whatever will happen will happen regardless of anything anyone does and that includes writing in a card. I hate all this superstition nonsense it makes it sound like when something bad happens you could of somehow stopped it if you hadn’t written in a card/ brought a baby grown/ brought a Pram etc.

Original poster
DrSeuss · 19/03/2018 18:40

The card was sent today. Still no baby.
Superstition aside, the card said, "Congratulations on your new baby." They don't have a new baby yet.

OP posts:
ISeeTheLight · 19/03/2018 18:40

No I wouldn't have signed it either, having close friends that had very late losses/stillbirths.

ShirleyPhallus · 19/03/2018 18:42

Presumably if the woman does lose the baby they won’t give her a card saying “congratulations” so it doesn’t actually matter does it

PinkHeart5914 · 19/03/2018 18:43

But they do have a baby, or is the baby that’s been growing inside her not a child? What else would you call what’s it her womb?

I had a very late stillbirth a few years ago but it was still a baby, so yes I did have a baby.

UrgentScurryfunge · 19/03/2018 18:43

No, I wouldn't like signing it before the birth as there isn't a 100% guarantee of congratulations at that stage and any details given with the birth anouncement may influence your choice of greeting.

WorraLiberty · 19/03/2018 18:43

"Am I very superstitious for not really wanting to sign it?"

Of course you are, unless you think your signature can in any way affect the outcome of the birth?

BertieBotts · 19/03/2018 18:59

I don't think your view is that outdated OP - lots of people still share this superstition especially in the UK (it seems less common elsewhere).

That said I wouldn't have thought anything of it but I would prefer to send a card later so that I could comment on the actual baby!

4yoniD · 19/03/2018 19:14

Giving someone a congrats on your baby card when they are still pregnant is the weird bit :S

IWantMyHatBack · 19/03/2018 19:16

They've sent her the card already? Are they mad?

windchimesabotage · 19/03/2018 19:16

Id have signed it but I wouldve assumed it wouldnt be sent until she had actually had the baby.... it is a little weird to send a 'congratulations' card to someone who hasnt yet birthed the baby!

I can understand sorting the card out and signing it before hand but why did they need to send it before hand too??

Eliza9917 · 19/03/2018 19:19

I agree with OP, I won't buy anything for a baby until I hear it's here & well.

LisaSimpsonsbff · 19/03/2018 19:21

I hate all this superstition nonsense it makes it sound like when something bad happens you could of somehow stopped it if you hadn’t written in a card/ brought a baby grown/ brought a Pram etc.

I completely agree - this really often seems to cross the line from 'being superstitious' to 'blaming a woman who had a loss for bringing it on herself by showing any signs of excitement about her pregnancy'. There was a really horrible thread in pregnancy where people were just queueing up to tell a woman who had bought stuff at 17 weeks all the things that could still go wrong - with a clear undertone of 'and then you'll have brought that on yourself'. I'm 23 weeks pregnant after three miscarriages, I bought a pram the other day and fuck anyone who thinks that that's bad luck. Thinking I can control the outcomes of my pregnancies with my thoughts/actions was a big part of why I ended up in counselling with severe anxiety after my third miscarriage. These aren't just harmless little superstitions - they can really hurt people.

NotCornflakes · 19/03/2018 19:21

I've signed cards before for colleagues going off on maternity leave. I usually just put hope all goes well, look forward to hearing news of your new arrival, or something along those lines, but I think that's a bit different. I'm superstitious too and wouldn't have wanted to sign a congratulations card to someone who was still to have the baby either. What were they thinking?!

Ginger1982 · 19/03/2018 19:26

I would have signed a good luck card but not a congratulations card. I'm also quite superstitious and don't like baby showers for the same reason. My boss's daughter had a stillbirth at 38 weeks and this freaked me out through my own pregnancy.

Plumsofwrath · 19/03/2018 19:28

They’ve already sent the card??? Why on earth for? Couldn’t they wait a few days?!

greendale17 · 19/03/2018 19:33

I have signed too and didn’t think anything of it

HolyShmoly · 19/03/2018 19:34

I just find it weird that they sent the card before the baby is here? I ended up being organiser for a couple collections and cards for work people who had babies but I wouldn't dream of doing it before the baby is here, it just feels wrong.

But then I can be a little 'stitious tries not to think about the room full of baby paraphernalia upstairs

ElephantsYeah · 19/03/2018 19:53

I wouldn't want to either. Last year my manager had a baby - she instigated a sweepstakes to guess weight, time of birth and date... I felt really weird about it, but joined in because I'd not been there very long. Only went and bloody won it... gave the money to a local stillbirth charity who were really lovely to my sister after her baby was stillborn. It felt wrong keeping the cash! A baby's birth should never be taken for granted - so much can go wrong. However, I would never say that to expectant mum - which is why I joined in. And, at the end of the day, a great charity got some extra cash, so on balance probably not the worst thing in the world...?

Scribblegirl · 19/03/2018 19:56

I'm in my 20s. A few years ago I got raked over the coals by a bunch of colleagues for not having organised a baby card for my boss on her last day before maternity leave. I pointed out that the card would usually be sent on baby's safe arrival Hmm which I did do. Got cold shoulder for ages after that but I'm sorry, no way am I sending a 'congrats on your new arrival' before safe delivery.

VimFuego101 · 19/03/2018 19:56

I would have signed it, but I don't see why they needed to do it before the baby is born. It's much nicer if you can write something personal to the baby (name etc) rather than just a generic 'congratulations'.