WIBU? anyone filled out a CAF form? (Nursery)

[Caterpillarx1]

No major issues. Just shy with delayed speech. Nursery had someone in to observe her. Today on collection called in to the office and asked for fill out a CAF form - all fine I thought, never heard of one. Questions being asked ‘do you cope at home, is there any cosmetic abuse at home, poverty, what relationship do you have with OH’ I was tbh. I said I didn’t think these questions were relevant or necessary to delayed speech. They said you have to fill them in now so the nursery can get extra funding if needed, etc. AIBU to have not filled it out as the questions were instructive and offensive?

DD has a perfectly happy life, nice home, etc. Fair enough if I went in and voiced I had problems

DOMESTIC ABUSE* not cosmetic! Sorry for all the typos

a caf is voluntary i believe.

Intrusive and offensive* flipping hell, next time Il be sure to proof read my post.

blackeyed she said she will have to speak to the woman who observed DD in nursery if I didn’t wish to fill it in what the next steps would be. But was pushing I did.

The school/nursery I work out will only refer for a CAF assessment with parental permission. It's in place to offer pastoral support to the family if needed (for a variety of reasons, domestic abuse just being one of them). Something may have been picked up when your daughter was observed so it's worth asking about that. In my experience it won't have been offered in a judgemental capacity but a genuinely supportive one.

carring I asked if anything was picked up. They said she didn’t know with DD but with other children she can usually tell right away what the issue could be. The only thing they said was possible mutism but not sure.

I would bypass the nursery staff and go to a specialist if you believe there really is an issue.

The questions are there for a reason. I’m sorry you found it intrusive, but for some women it might be the only chance they get to tell someone about domestic abuse.

It might not be relevant in all cases, but instead of being stroppy about it you could just have answered truthfully, and told them that there isn’t any domestic abuse in your relationship and moved on. Some children might have delayed speech if they are suffering emotional problems, other might have a different reason. The staff are just doing their job.

I think you are making a silly fuss about nothing. It makes it look like you have something to hide.

We never had a CAF! Sure it's not TAF?

notevil I am worried I’ve made out I look like I have something to hide now

I genuinely don’t. I was just taken aback by the questions and was baffled how they were relevant to DDs delays speech/ shyness.

I’m too embarrssed to even take her back now I feel like I’ve made a fool of myself saying I didn’t wish to answer them and leaving.

kendal definitely CAF

Caterpillarx1 I'd be surprised if the professional observing her hadn't given some feedback to the nursery so I would ask for a copy of the report when it arrives (assuming it was an educational psychologist or speech and language therapist) - although reports can take weeks so you may already be due to receive it. You have a right to know what the CAF assessment is being offered for and requesting that info doesn't make you unreasonable. If the nursery are saying they'll have to pass on that you 'refused' to fill it in, then explain that you would like to know why it is being offered first.

Mutism could be a reason to refer to a CAF if it is impacting a child's education. If you feel like your daughter (or your family in general) would benefit from some extra support from outside agencies (this could be from a huge range of professionals (medical, speech etc), although I understand why you would feel defensive or concerned reading the domestic abuse question) then it would be worth filling the form in honestly to see what support there is. You do not have to accept any support that is offered if you do not think it's needed, and in my experience, even families who would benefit extra support often don't get offered anything anyway due to funding. If you're offered support I would say that it is because you have a genuine need for it. No professional I have ever worked with would be judging a parent for wanting some extra help and the nursery themselves may feel that the CAF assessment would enable them to get extra funding for your daughter which would allow them to do more for her too. It's hard to say without knowing your daughter. But it is entirely your choice, no one can force you to fill it in 😊

An fCAF is simply bringing all professional services and parents together and making sure everyone is doing what they need to do in the best interests of the child and knowing what's going on.

It can seem like its targeted at parents but it can also highlight & document professional failings and lack of family support.

I was asked to do this by the health visitor a couple of years ago. I said no thanks as I didn't think it would be helpful. She did try and persuade me a couple of times and then backed off. It hasn't made any difference to my dc's care at preschool/school or funding.

@Caterpillarx1 Take her back tomorrow and ask to take the form home with you to have a proper look at. Explain that you were just taken by surprise and you'd like some time to go over the questions in detail and decide what your options are. Request any info from the observation and ask if you'll be receiving the report.

PP is right that for some people this may be the only way to disclose abuse but that is not the primary reason for the form and I'm sure if the nursery know you well they will not necessarily be jumping to the conclusion that you have anything to hide.

Hey there! Youngest currently at nursery and doesn’t speak (autism) and oldest has autism and also went to nursery.

I’ve never heard of these forms and was never asked to fill one in for either children x x x

caterpillar I was that mum. Ds (who is 19 and I'm still that mum) has considerable special needs. There have been many forms and face to face questions that I didn't think were relevant so I used to ignore them and when asked, I would ask why the intrusive question was relevant. I think I have bit of reputation!

(And its context...asking about family illnesses and my pregnancy was relevant when we had genetic counselling to see if his disability was hereditary, asking when hed broken his leg was Not!)

It's common practice to ask, domestic abuse occurs in 1 in 4 households and evidence shows people are more likely to disclose domestic abuse if they are given the opportunity to discuss and so most local authorities require all professionals to enquire. If there is none, you can say none. If you prefer not to disclose at all, you can leave it blank.

CAFs are used in some areas as a common referral form for any concerns so also remember the same form could be used to refer a child with language delay, mobility issues or concerns at home. So the questions can seem unrelated because some probably are! Just fill in the bits you think relevant for your child.

I'm a speech and language therapist and we have to ask everyone that we see at assessment and then at regular intervals. It doesn't mean they are concerned. It's just safeguarding to try and protect children who are at risk.

To clarify, we ask at initial assessment every single person if they are suffering any domestic abuse at home. (unless both of the couple are present). You would be surprised how many people do disclose, either current or historic.

EFFram thank you for all the information. I have been through the process of autism diagnoses for the older DC and was never asked any of these questions.

My son has a caf it stands for care around the family they are used to have taf meetings which means team around the family. They are a broad document used for all sorts of reasons. That's why there is lots of questions that aren't relevant. My son's has on all them questions no concern then has the disabilty box ticked. It's there to make sure all the professionals are there that's needed and so then people are all working from the same page. If you have a few professionals involved it can get rather complicated to keep up.