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AIBU?

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Original poster

Would you snoop?

27 replies

guest477337 · 18/03/2018 23:15

If you had a feeling you partner had cheated, basically are 80% sure would you snoop and found out?

Even if you knew you would stay with them? It'd cause a lot of upset for what? Or could you just forget about it?

OP posts:
Greyponcho · 18/03/2018 23:20

I snooped. I found out. He denied it. I tried to ignore it. Broke up 9 months later. Eventually the OW confirmed it.
So glad I got rid.

Greyponcho · 18/03/2018 23:21

Forget to specify those 9 months were torture Sad

TheJoyOfSox · 18/03/2018 23:23

I’d snoop. I did my best detective work on cheating ex-bf’s after making basic errors whilst snooping on ex-h. Trust your gut.

Original poster
guest477337 · 18/03/2018 23:24

It's happened before and we moved on from this.

We now have a child, I know I won't end up leaving him so don't know if it's worth the upset.Confused

OP posts:
NellMangel · 18/03/2018 23:26

I'd snoop. I did. 80% became 100% after which game over, no question of me staying.

I guess if you intend to stay regardless, then you aren't wondering if you are right or just paranoid all the time. It could give you the opportunity to address the deceit and rebuild.

Alternatively snooping might prove your 20% is right.

Personally I'd have to know either way

LolaTheDarkdestroyer · 18/03/2018 23:29

Why stay with the dirty cheating bastard though? Have a bit more respect for yourself and get rid of the bastard.

halfwitpicker · 18/03/2018 23:30

Oh god I'd so snoop

MilkyCoffeeAndSkinnySyrup · 18/03/2018 23:30

Even if you did, they might delete their messages and any other evidence to show that they are cheating IF they are being unfaithful in the first place.

Original poster
guest477337 · 18/03/2018 23:31

@LolaTheDarkdestroyer I can't really explain but there's a lot more to it. Sorry I know that doesn't make much difference and don't mean to drip feed.

OP posts:
Oldbutstillgotit · 18/03/2018 23:31

Why wouldn’t you leave if you had proof of him cheating again ?

KeepServingTheDrinks · 18/03/2018 23:31

If you know you're going to stay, why confirm your worst fears?

Think about what you want to achieve and then work back from there and make your decision that way.

LolaTheDarkdestroyer · 18/03/2018 23:32

Kids or not you deserve better though.

ConstantReminder · 18/03/2018 23:33

If you are not bothered that your partner sleeps with other women I’d bet he knows this and will keep doing it. So prepare for endless investigations or don’t do any at all and accept it.

Namechangefailagain · 18/03/2018 23:39

I would snoop. Even if you are going to stay with him you need to think about your sexual health. What if he's having unprotected sex with others?

Of course he may not be but myself I would have to know for deffinate if he was or not.

ElderflowerWaterIsDelish · 18/03/2018 23:45

I would snoop, you may not plan to leave him...but he could plan to leave you for this other woman...you have a child, you need to know what is going on..

Also if someone loves you they would not cheat on you, he is disrespecting you and your child and the family you have built together each time he cheats..and because you took him back before and have admitted you won't leave this time if he has cheated again you will give him the green light that he can cheat as and when he wants as you will out up with it...op I hope you see one day that you are worth so much more and deserve better if he has cheated again

ElderflowerWaterIsDelish · 18/03/2018 23:46

*put ..not out

Original poster
guest477337 · 18/03/2018 23:48

He hasn't slept with someone I know that much. Sorry it's so hard to explain it! It's not an affair either!

OP posts:
Gemini69 · 18/03/2018 23:54

even an emotional affair of an affair of the heart....

MiddleClassProblem · 18/03/2018 23:57

I couldn’t stay with someone after. Are there legal reasons you have to stay? I can’t think of anything else that’s justifiable.

Prestonsflowers · 19/03/2018 00:03

So if he hasn’t slept with someone else and it’s not an affair, then it’s some other kind of cheating and you intend to stay anyway so don’t bother snooping.

tillytrotter1 · 19/03/2018 00:16

I trust you would all find it acceptable for your partner to snoop too.

Namechangefailagain · 19/03/2018 00:17

So you don't need to snoop? You must have some idea of what's going on if you know he's not slept with anyone and not having an affair.

OlennasWimple · 19/03/2018 00:19

I would want to know so that I would know what to do to protect myself and my child as much as possible. Whether that's always using a condom if the cheating is sleeping with other women, or keeping separate finances with limited access to large amounts of money if the cheating is a gambling habit.

MrsMaxwell · 19/03/2018 00:23

My OH has cheated (before we married) and I snoop. Sad

It’s not great but their are other aspects of our relationship that are great.

If he cheated now we are married that would be it for me.

JauntyAngle · 19/03/2018 00:25

Yes I would and no, I wouldn't stay with them.

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