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if I can't stand the sight of DP right now?

4 replies

bohemianbint · 08/05/2007 10:06

I found out something really horrible on Sunday whilst we were having a big family lunch at my mum and dad's on Sunday. (to cut a long story short just found out that my aunty has got rid of my gran's ashes despite the fact we were all supposed to scatter them as a family.)

I was really shocked to find this out and very upset, and my sister said that she wanted to talk things through with me. So I asked DP if he would mind taking DS home and putting him to bed and said I would follow on a bit later after talking to my sister.

He massively saw his arse and got really stroppy with me. He did take DS home but when I got in later he had had a few more drinks and I found him (sleepwalking?!) banging around at 10pm, opening DS's bedroom door and generally being an arse. I asked him what he was doing, and deciding that I would get no sense out of him I went to sleep in the loft. He then proceeded to come upstairs and shout abuse at me every 5 mins. (He's never been great when he's had too much to drink but he claims he wasn't drunk. I think that makes it worse.)

Anyway, the next morning I thought he might realise he'd been a git but he carried on in the same aggressive style thinking his behaviour was justified. I went out for the day as I really couldn't stand the sight of him, and when I came back he mumbled something about being sorry and hid for the rest of the day. So on it goes and I just feel like he's incredibly selfish.

Am I being totally unreasonable to expect a little support having recently lost 2 beloved grandparents so close together?!

OP posts:

Smaug · 08/05/2007 10:10

He's being a dick. I think you deserve more than a mumbled sorry. Actually, his behaviour sounds quite weird. Does he do stuff like that often?


ungratefuldaughter · 08/05/2007 10:46

Is he normally like this, could he also have been upset by the deaths in your family but felt he couldn't show it or maybe it triggered some memories of the deaths of his grandparents and the drink triggered the obnoxious behaviour

Maybe I am wierd but the dealing with ashes and the body to me isn't the big thing but more the spiritual remains (the memories and the soul of the person) so maybe he felt that too much was made of the physical remains


bohemianbint · 08/05/2007 10:59

He's done the sleepwalking thing all his life, although he hasn't done it for a long while.

He's never had to deal with any deaths in his family so perhaps he just really does not understand what it's like. He's just very selfish, he got in a mood because he wanted to spend the night in with me but I was upset and just wanted an extra hour out with my family to sort things out in my head. I just think his priorities are all mixed up and I really don't understand it.

He is under quite a lot of stress at work with his new job at the moment and he's pretty depressed about it. We're all under stress though, I've been adjusting to being a mother and losing 2 grandparents and various other problems but I don't feel the need to be such a dick to him.

He spent last night fixing my i-pod and I think that's his idea of making amends but it's just not really very supportive when I'm left on my own to deal with stuff myself.

OP posts:

helenhismadwife · 08/05/2007 16:18

I am so sorry to hear about your losses its so hard to deal with, my wonderful granny died this year so I do know how you feel.
I think men handle things differently from us and really dont have a clue how to comfort us or how to deal with us when we are upset and grieving. so they do what they see as practical things.
I do think your dp has been a real arse and is acting like a spoilt child, although if he had planned something special for the evening I could understand him being hurt.

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